Chicago I need to get a few things off my chest, and wax just won't do the job:
In place of the "o" in "Chicago" in its front-page nameplate, the Chicago Sun-Times has taken to using a Bears helmet next to a palm tree.
If you don't get the message, it's that the paper is rooting for the boys in blue and orange to get to the Super Bowl in Miami. Swell.
Pandering to the emotions of fans is not our job in journalism, although the other message the editors are sending with their banner-waving is that covering sports isn't journalism.
Maybe they'd like to talk with the two San Francisco Chronicle reporters who are facing jail time for their reporting on star athletes' alleged use of steroids.
The only thing worse than this would be if the Sun-Times were to cheerlead for Barack Obama to get to the White House. Oh, wait.
The paper should just get it over with and do what it really wants to do: Put Obama's head inside the helmet on its nameplate and change his name to "Bearack." Think of the increased readership!
Just asking: Does the Cardinals' loss Sunday to the worst team in football, the Raiders, take away from the Bears' thrilling, come-from-behind victory over Arizona the Monday before?
Just answering: Yes.
The defense has been phenomenal. The linebackers are fast, the defensive line formidable. It's easier to get a date with Eva Longoria than to score a touchdown against this unit.
I'm speaking, of course, of the Denver Broncos.
There has been more excitement about the possibility of the Bears going undefeated than there has been about the 6-0 Colts. That's because we've seen the Colts take this route before, heard their big talk before, only to watch them fall.
Somebody explain to me why third baseman Aramis Ramirez will be such a hot commodity if the Cubs can't re-sign him. Did other teams happen to watch the first two months of the season? Did they watch him run out grounders all year? I've seen caddies pace off yardage faster.
It seems apparent that LeBron James does not know how to say "no." He has every endorsement and magazine cover known to man. Imagine if he ever won something.
I've written it before and been slapped upside the head by people who say I'm naive, but here goes: How much money is enough for these guys? What can James buy with $70 million in his bank account that he can't with $50 million? Commence the head-slapping, but be warned that I've donned a helmet.
A national TV audience was treated to the sight of a dark substance on Kenny Rogers' pitching hand during the first inning of Game 2 of the World Series.
And Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, who put the "micro" in micromanaging, didn't utter a word of protest about the Tigers pitcher at the time. Didn't ask for a search. Didn't ask for forensics.
That's a bigger upset than if the Cardinals win the Series.
Thank you. I feel so much better now.