Q: My daughter has signed a letter of employment with a new firm. However, her present company is now offering more money. She does not want to stay with her present company; however, she wants to negotiate with the new firm. Can this be done? Is it considered a bad thing to do? – Andy

A: Kate: If she now tries to renegotiate, the hiring manager at the new firm will have to go back to human resources, as well as his or her boss, and explain that the applicant now wants more. Rather than putting her new boss in this position, perhaps she simply could mention that her old employer made her a counteroffer, and she turned it down. Perhaps they will up the ante just to be fair.

Dale: Fair? Call me old-fashioned, but here’s what’s fair: She made an agreement, and she needs to live up to it. Try this, Andy: Ask friends who are managers what they would think of an employee with a signed agreement who wants to reopen negotiations. I’m betting they’ll tell you they’d wonder whether the person is trustworthy. How’s that as a way to start a relationship?

Kate: So, Dale, your position is that even mentioning the old firm’s offer is forbidden?

Dale: No, I like your suggestion – if the daughter is a great actress and doesn’t betray her real intentions. Even so, if she’s angling to set off a bidding war, she’s in a lousy position, because she isn’t willing to go to the highest bidder.

Kate: As a general rule, the applicant who tries to start a bidding war needs to be sure that the new company is desperate to have her. Otherwise, she might be like a recent example from my company. We had an urgent need to fill a job, and stressed how we needed someone right away. We made an offer to someone who then said she wanted to wait at least a month before starting. We then retracted the offer because we wanted someone who understood our sense of urgency, and because we had plenty of other applicants.

Dale: Ouch, there’s that ugly word, “retract.” Your daughter might be thinking, “All they can do is say no.” No. There’s a lot more downside than upside. Remind your daughter that if she wants to renegotiate, she needs to be prepared to lose the negotiation and the job, and to carry on with her job search.