No indecision here

New York – Those people wearing “Stewart/Colbert ’08” T-shirts can stop hoping – Comedy Central’s fake news stars have no intention of making a run for the White House.

Jon Stewart said the T-shirts promoting him and Stephen Colbert “are a real sign of how sad people are” with the state of affairs in the country.

“Nothing says ‘I am ashamed of you my government’ more than ‘Stewart/Colbert ’08,’ Stewart told an audience Sunday at the New Yorker Festival. He was interviewed by the magazine’s editor, David Remnick.

Stewart, who recently hosted Pakistan’s president, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, on “The Daily Show,” said he’s been trying to get top Bush administration officials to appear. “We have requests in there to everyone including Barney,” Stewart said. “Only Barney replies.” Barney is the president’s Scottish terrier.

Stewart scoffed at suggestions that some people actually get their news from “The Daily Show.”

“There’s no way you could get the news from us,” he said. “I’ve seen the show. It couldn’t happen.”

Palance auctions contents of Pennsylvania retreat

Drums, Pa. – Jack Palance is auctioning off the contents of his northeastern Pennsylvania home: more than 3,000 items collected from around the world.

The three-day auction starts Thursday, and items going on the block range from the screen legend’s old straw hat to an 1878 Steinway & Sons grand piano.

“People can spend $5 or $50,000 at this auction,” said Phil Eagle, an antique appraiser who traveled from California to sort and catalog the items to be sold.

Palance, the son of a coal miner and a native of nearby Lattimer Mines, collected most of the items during trips around the world filming movies.

The 85-year-old actor, who won the best supporting actor Oscar in 1992 for “City Slickers,” also is parting with more than 1,400 books, posters from his movies, his high school championship football banners and memorabilia, movie props, his saddle, boots and vest.

Several classic cars will be sold, along with a horse-drawn carriage that is being stored in the barn alongside furniture, antique store display cases, salvaged railings and architectural pieces.

The 150-acre Holly-Brooke Farm, named for Palance’s daughters, was a retreat for the actor and his family. It is not known what will happen to the site, about 85 miles northwest of Philadelphia.

Tim Allen ties the knot

Los Angeles – More power to Tim Allen. The comic actor got married this weekend to his girlfriend of five years, actress Jane Hadjuk, in an intimate Colorado ceremony.

The couple’s family were the only guests at the private affair, held Saturday in Grand Lake, Colo., Allen’s publicist, Marleah Leslie, said Monday. Allen’s 17-year-old daughter, Katherine Dick, was among the attendees.

It is the first marriage for Hadjuk, 39, and the second for Allen, 53. He was previously married to Laura Deibel.

Hadjuk and Allen appeared together earlier this year in the children’s action film “Zoom.”

Allen, whose early comedy routines often centered on men and power tools, hit stardom with his long-running TV series “Home Improvement.”