Archive for Sunday, November 19, 2006

More rights urged for birth mothers after adoptions

November 19, 2006

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— Mothers deciding to place their infants for adoption deserve better counseling, more time to change their minds and more support in trying to keep track of the children they relinquish, a leading adoption institute recommends in a sweeping new report.

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute said its report, being issued today, is the most comprehensive ever devoted to birth mothers, whom it described as "the least understood and most stigmatized participants" in the adoption process.

"Birth parents have been a population that has been neglected for so long - just starting a dialogue that respects them as flesh-and-blood human beings is really important," said the institute's executive director, Adam Pertman.

The report focuses on U.S. mothers who voluntarily place infants for adoption - an estimated 13,000 to 14,000 such adoptions occur annually. Most of this country's roughly 135,000 adoptions each year are from foster care; the next biggest category is overseas adoptions.

In contrast to a few decades ago, many of the voluntary U.S. adoptions are "open" - with adoptive parents communicating with the birth mother and often allowing her regular contact with the adopted child. However, the report says a significant number of birth mothers are manipulated, pressured and deceived - sometimes finding that they have no recourse when agreements they negotiated to visit or keep track of their children are broken.

Jenna Hatfield, 25, plays Friday at her home in Cambridge, Ohio, with her 3-year-old biological daughter, Ariana, who was adopted by a Pennsylvania couple three years ago. Behind them, on the sofa, are Ariana's adoptive mother, Denise Loss, and Denise's 1-year-old son Joey.

Jenna Hatfield, 25, plays Friday at her home in Cambridge, Ohio, with her 3-year-old biological daughter, Ariana, who was adopted by a Pennsylvania couple three years ago. Behind them, on the sofa, are Ariana's adoptive mother, Denise Loss, and Denise's 1-year-old son Joey.

"If you make a decision about adoption based on thinking you'll be able to see this child grow up, and suddenly the carpet is pulled from under you and the family moves away without giving you their address, you go through this traumatic loss that some women never come to terms with," the report's author, Susan Smith, said in a telephone interview.

The report recommends that all states establish legally enforceable post-adoption contact agreements; it said only 13 now have such policies covering infant adoptions.

It also recommended extending other rights to birth mothers, including pre-adoption access to pressure-free counseling about their options.

"It amazes me how many adoptions are done by attorneys, where the birth mothers have zero counseling," Smith said. "There are a lot of sharks out there, manipulating them in every way they know how, and the laws don't prevent that in most states."

Jenna Hatfield, 25, of Cambridge, Ohio, said she got little insightful counseling before she agreed three years ago to the adoption of her daughter, Ariana, by a couple from Pennsylvania.

"My agency did not tell me until a month after I signed the agreement that open adoptions are not enforceable in Pennsylvania," Hatfield said.

She said she has been fortunate in befriending the adoptive parents; they regularly bring Ariana to visit Hatfield, who is now married and has a 1-year-old son.

"Thus far it's worked very well for me - just a couple of bumps," Hatfield said. "But unless both sides are willing to put in the legwork, there are going to be problems, and they'd need counseling to help them meet in the middle."

Comments

Ron Holzwarth 8 years, 5 months ago

All this talk about biological mothers, not a word about biological fathers!

Christine Pennewell Davis 8 years, 5 months ago

I think most bio. dads are not in the picture. Open adoption sounds like a good idea, but no matter what changes are made there are always going to be problems. the birth mother wanting more time or anytime the adoped kid having the feelings of abandonment and guilt about them. And what about the adopting parents? they also will feel threatened about the mother and what if the child decides he/she wants to bewith real parents all the usuall things. So in the long run none of the changes will really change any of the big issues.

JayCat_67 8 years, 5 months ago

I am a "birth father" and my involvement at this point is only limited by my effort. The adoption was closed, so I didn't actually meet my daughter until this past April. She calls me by my first name and I actually prefer it that way. The man that raised her has earned the right to be called "Dad"; I have not. The family was very good about sending cards and pictures through the adoption agency (Catholic Charities, if anyone is interested). I knew that she was with a good family and I was able to put my life back together enough to be someone that she may actually want to meet. The family was also open with her from very early on that she was adopted and I believe that honesty paid off. I also believe, though, that an open agreement in this case would have been disaster, as she has told me her birth mother is constantly trying to establish a mother/daughter relationship that she does not want. I think that dealing with that while she was growing up could have created a lot of problems. But, this is just one example and only from the father's perspective. I can't even pretend to understand what the mother goes through after actually carrying the baby and giving it up. Whatever the situation, however, good counseling is a must. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Happy belated Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

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