Archive for Sunday, May 21, 2006

Start with these

May 21, 2006


Here is a sampling of questions that relationship experts recommend couples ask one another before they get married:


¢ Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

¢ How will having children change the way we live now? Will we want or be able to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? In the months or years following the birth of our child, will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?


¢ How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Who is responsible for which portion?

¢ What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we WANT to be able to spend?


¢ How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours?

¢ If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be OK?


¢ What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

¢ Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?


¢ Am I comfortable giving and receiving love, sexually?

¢ Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched?


¢ Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

¢ Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?


¢ Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?


¢ What place does the other's family play in OUR family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods?

¢ If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren?


¢ Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially, and do we need to cut back on such commitments?

¢ What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside of our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?



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