Dear Dr. Wes & Marissa: I’ve always tended to overanalyze and overthink. However, over the past few years I’ve felt this progressing build up of … something, I’m not sure what. Mainly, this school year I’ve gotten constant mood swings – I think I’ve even had a few anxiety attacks. I go from being happy to being irritable and down. This “downish” feeling tends to involve confidence issues. It’s the instability of my frame of mind that’s been getting to me. I’ve even cried so hard that it’s like it hurts in the pit of my stomach. I feel like I should be totally content. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am thankful – but that’s what makes me feel so wrong and selfish for feeling this way. For a while I thought it was PMS, but then I figured that either I was getting PMS on a weekly basis or it was something else. I’ve talked with my mom about some of this, and she wonders if we should see a doctor. She asked if I feel depressed during these moods, but I’ve never been comfortable with that word and I think it’d be an exaggeration. I honestly don’t know if this is medical, and I don’t exactly want to embarrass myself by going to a doctor only for them to tell me, “Oh, you’re being sensitive; it’s just hormones!” I’ve never noticed my friends getting into moods like these, so I’ve begun to wonder if it’s unusual. Is this something I need to get help with? Or am I just being an overly sensitive teenage girl? Please help. – 15-year-old girl

Dr. Wes: Yours is one of my favorite letters to date. You’ve captured what a lot of young people feel – especially girls – asking a very simple key question: Is this normal? There is much depth and thought in your question, including psychological, developmental and societal angles, making the answer not so simple. The tendency to overanalyze and think until you’re blue in the face is common among very reflective teens. In our complex world, this is both a gift and a burden. It gives you a remarkable ability to consider things that others may miss AND the terrible consequence of having no other choice but to do so.

In all, however I would embrace this gift while keeping it focused on the good it can do. Instead, some of the smart, thinking kids end up in bigger, more elaborate trouble.

Most teens are on emotional roller-coasters. As a reflective person, you simply consider your moods more and wonder about their meaning. Very often these feelings generate a lack of confidence and a sense of oppression that you may feel more deeply and respond to more fully than some of your peers. In determining if the “doctor” is necessary, you have to consider the degree and frequency of your mood swings. How much are these moods messing with your life? When you start talking “anxiety attacks” and desperate crying, I worry that all the factors I’ve noted above are coming together to push you over the edge at times. This is what I meant by the “burden” of being reflective.

I’d go first to a therapist. We love physicians, but they serve a different purpose. Get these thoughts on the table and see where things go from there. I guarantee that a good therapist won’t make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. If they do, there are plenty more where they came from.

Marissa: I will put myself right out there and say that when I read your letter, I felt like I was reading my diary from three years ago. I often felt sad, lonely, maybe even depressed when I was your age, and knowing that I was so blessed compared to others only made me feel worse.

I have no way of saying or knowing if what you are feeling is “normal.” However, I hope that by telling you that I went through it too will help ease your worries. Junior high and high school can be the most emotionally challenging years of your life, and sometimes feeling overwhelmed – or just not knowing what to feel – is normal. When a lot is going on, how else can someone be expected to respond? To say that none of your friends have these moods could be true, but I think you should ask them instead. You might be surprised.

I’ve often considered myself an overanalyzer, and I agree with Dr. Wes when he says it can be both a gift and a burden. Although it has helped me be more considerate in some of my decisions, it can be annoying and I have to make a conscious choice to stop thinking about it. It’s hard to do that at first, but after awhile you can get pretty good at it. And when you’re prone to overanalyzing, it can be an amazing skill.

Without trivializing your feelings, let me say that I really think you’ll either grow out of the mood swings or, with time, learn how to handle and control them better. Pay attention to these swings and anxiety attacks and try to notice what overstresses you. Then when you feel yourself start to panic, you can step back and let yourself calm down. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes you might just need to let yourself cry and get out whatever confusing emotions are boiling around inside of you.

Next week: Transitioning out of the home. What seniors and their parents need to know to balance the next four months of weird in-betweenness.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Marissa Ballard is a Lawrence High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.