Dr. Wes: This week I wanted to run an essay I recently received from a seventh-grade girl. We haven’t used Double Take as an outlet for teen authors, but I felt this was a particularly important topic with Father’s Day coming up. It’s also very well-written. With permission, I have shared it with several clients, and each has found it meaningful. I will warn readers that this is not a sentimental tribute by a young girl to her dad. It is, instead, a very real and heartfelt expression of how girls (and boys) need their fathers and how some dads need to take that role more seriously.

Dads, I hope that after honest reflection you cannot find yourself in this girl’s words. If you can, I advise you to make this Father’s Day one of atonement and renewal. I’ve seen many fathers make the serious decision to start over with their kids and succeed splendidly. Being a parent is the most worthy of all vocations. In 50 years, no one will recall how many hours you spent at work. Quite a few will see how many you spent as a parent.

Essay: I remember, when I was a little girl, my most commonly used phrase was, “Oh yeah? Well, my dad can beat up your dad!” I never really thought about it, but I think most kids, besides me, used that phrase, too. I never really thought about those seemingly insignificant quirky sayings, but now, I realize how serious we were. Sure, the thought of my dad beating up someone else’s dad was funny, but I was proud, knowing that he could beat up someone else’s dad. I was always proud of my dad. I was proud of him even after he divorced my mother because he had an affair. No matter what my dad did, I was always behind him 100 percent. Even as I grew into a hormonal pre-teen, my faith in my father never wavered.

So many girls I know, girls my age, say that they hate their father. Most of these girls have divorced parents, either living with their mother, complaining that they don’t see their father enough, or they live with their father, complaining that their father doesn’t care about them. I am the girl living with my mother and apart from my father. I am the girl longing for my dad to finally figure out that he is wanted in my life. He thinks that because I’m into guys now, because I wear make-up and bras, I don’t want him around. In actuality, those are all the reasons that I do want him around.

All I’ve ever wanted from my dad is acceptance. I wanted reassurance that I would always be his beautiful princess, no matter what age. I wanted to be recognized as a blossoming young woman, yet also consoled with the knowledge that Dad wasn’t scared of my changes in mentality, emotionality and physicality. That was, and still is, the most important part of my relationship with my father, but only in my dreams.

The moment I mention my chest, mascara or boyfriend, Dad goes berserk, and not outwardly either; I would be happy if he got all scared that I would run out of tampons, but only if he openly showed his concern. The way he hides his embarrassment of my new feminine maturity is frustrating. The least he could do is have one of his friends do an FBI background check on my boyfriend and his family. That would be much better than him just pretending he didn’t hear all of the details about my first kiss! I mean, stuff like that is really important to teen girls. In fact, my ultimate dream is for my dad to be one of those sensitive dads who listens to me bashing my ex, or who gladly lets me use him as an emotional punching bag when I’m bummed out. I want him to gossip with me, buy girly magazines with me and go to the gas station to get ice cream for me in the middle of the night so I can fill my monthly cravings.

I guess that dads can’t be too close with their daughters, in fear of being pushed away, shunned. How can we push you away when we can’t even see you? It’s like a pre-emptive strike against our independence. The only way we would want space from our dads is if they got overly protective, which, in my opinion, would be better than their aggravating indifference.

Marissa: A lot of what the writer says here makes sense. Many teenage girls long for closeness with their dads but are too shy or feel too proud to really express it. Society doesn’t always place a lot of importance on the father-daughter relationships either, at least not as much as is placed on mother-daughter relationships.

It should be said, though, that there are many dedicated fathers out there who are doing a wonderful job connecting with and befriending their daughters. Fathers are very important in their daughter’s lives, and their role in the lives of their children should be appreciated. While mothers can teach their daughters many things, there are some lessons only dads can give. Happy Father’s Day to all dads out there!

Next week: The new HPV vaccine is recommended for girls 9 to 25. Why families should seriously consider getting their daughters immunized sooner than later.