Corky Caillouet remembers the only time she heard her father cry.

“He called to say he’d said something to my mother and when he turned around, he realized she wasn’t there anymore,” she said. “I could tell he was crying.”

Caillouet’s mother, Edith Marshall, wasn’t there because she’d moved to The Arbor, the Alzheimer’s unit at Brandon Woods Retirement Community. Her husband, Ed Marshall, had a bad heart and could no longer care for her.

At the time, the Marshalls had been married almost 59 years. He had been a jeweler and watchmaker in Anthony for 50 years. She had been his mate and confidante.

“He missed her terribly,” Caillouet said, “and the guilt that came with not being able to care for her was just too much. I’d never heard my father cry – not even at my grandmother’s funeral – but he cried that day.”

Corky Caillouet, Lawrence, prepares to lift her mother, Edith Marshall, 91, from her wheelchair into her bed Tuesday evening at Brandon Woods Retirement Community. Marshall, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease has been living at the retirement home for eight years. Caillouet, a social service worker at Brandon Woods, helps other families cope with the progressive, degenerative disease.

Caillouet, 66, is helping organize “Dealing With Alzheimer’s,” a poker-tournament fundraiser for the Alzheimer’s Assn. from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Saturday at The Smith Center, 4730 Brandon Woods Terrace. The event will include hors d’oeuvres, live entertainment and a silent auction.

Alzheimer’s is a progressive, degenerative disease that results in loss of memory, thinking and language skills, and changes in behavior. There is no cure.

According to the National Institute on Aging, about 5 percent of people between ages 65 to 74 have Alzheimer’s; nearly half of those age 85 and older may have the disease.

“It’s an awful disease that’s especially hard on loved ones,” Caillouet said. “It’s an odd thing to say, but I suspect it’s like going through a divorce in that the person they really cared for is still there and looks the same, but they’re not the same. They’re a different person.”

Caillouet’s father died in January 2002. He was 89.

“We didn’t have a funeral,” Caillouet said. “We had a service that celebrated my father’s life. It was very upbeat, which is what my father would have wanted.”

Edith Marshall attended the service, though, at the time, it wasn’t clear she realized her husband had died.

“A few days later, an aide found my mother crying in her room,” Caillouet said. “She asked what was wrong and my mother said, ‘My husband died.'”

Edith Marshall is now 91 years old.

“She seems to recognize me,” said Caillouet, a social service worker at Brandon Woods’ 39-bed Alzheimer’s unit.

Corky Caillouet with her parents, Edith and Ed Marshall, in 1944.

In her job, Caillouet has had a hand in helping dozens of families cope with the disease’s cruel toll. “It hurts each family differently because each of us is different, and each person with Alzheimer’s reacts differently to the disease,” she said.

But there is no blow more crushing, Caillouet said, than when spouses, sons or daughters realize they are no longer recognized.

“We’ve had a resident tell a spouse they’re no longer married or they’ve never married,” she said. “So here you have this loving couple that’s been married 50 years and, all of a sudden, one of them says, ‘Get away from me, I don’t know you.’ It’s heartbreaking.”

Caillouet said The Arbor at Brandon Woods is currently full.

“I really love my job because I really get to help people who are experiencing what I’ve experienced,” she said.

Elsewhere in Lawrence:

¢ Douglas County Senior Services Center, 745 Vt., hosts an Alzheimer’s Caregiver Support Group from 2:15 p.m. to 3:45 p.m. on the first and third Mondays of each month.

¢ Trinity In-Home Care has received a state grant aimed at providing relief for caregivers. Families may be eligible for two hours of respite care a week or one day a month. For information, call Kelly at 842-3159.

¢ Douglas County Visiting Nurses Assn. also offers in-home care for people with Alzheimer’s. For information, call 843-3738.