Detroit ? Jerome Bettis said Tuesday he was retiring.

Or maybe he said he was perspiring.

It was kind of hard to tell amid the jostling in the scrum at Ford Field, where Bettis held court on Super Bowl media day. The return of The Bus to his hometown almost was as big an attraction to the media as the reporter in tight jeans and low-cut blouse from the BET network was to the players.

Joey Porter wasn’t making matters any easier. Sitting at a podium next to Bettis, he was talking both loudly and quickly.

Until the questioning turned a little personal, that is. Like how it felt to be shot, as Porter was in the buttocks a few years ago outside a Colorado bar.

“Why would the guy ask me about being shot? What does that have to do with football?” Porter asked. “Is he trying to ask me about football or is he trying to get me to stand up here and say something wrong?”

Something wrong, of course. Any media type worth his salt knows there’s nothing better than a good revelation to spice things up during Super Bowl week.

There weren’t many to be found, though, in the annual exercise that provides notebook fodder for those who take the game seriously and funny video clips for those who don’t.

Not that it didn’t stop the BET reporter from trying.

“Tell me what position you play and what’s your motivation,” she asked Seattle’s Peter Warrick.

“Punt returner,” Warrick said.

“What’s that? Paint a picture for me.”

Warrick kicked his leg in the air.

“They kick it. I catch it and return it,” he said.

“OK. Hey, you guys know you’re on the VIP list for Friday night, don’t you?”

And so it went on a day that the NFL uses to feed the voracious appetite of the assorted media, many of whom probably got the first police escort of their life in the bus convoy from the hotel to the stadium.

Once there, it was an hour with the Steelers, brunch, and then an hour with the Seahawks. All timed down to the second, with the giant clock at Ford Field ticking down the minutes left in each session.

It was mostly a day for the media to get business done, and for players to get the media out of their hair. These are two blue-collar teams without attitudes, and no one among the media had to worry about what the likes of a Terrell Owens or Keyshawn Johnson might do.

Likewise, there were no so-called media dressed up as cartoon characters and no Downtown Julie Brown in fishnet stockings. Super Bowl veterans said it was among the tamest such days they had seen, either because the NFL was toning down the act or Detroit just wasn’t a happening place to be.

There was still time for a little fun, though, and Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck had some when he tried to turn the tables on raspy-voiced comedian Gilbert Gottfried, who squeezed his way to the front of the mob in front of Hasselbeck and started shouting over the din.

“Your teammates said you’re funny. Do you have a joke for us?” Gottfried asked.

“I have a joke for you, Gilbert. There’s three kinds of people in the world: There’s those who know how to count and there’s those who don’t.”

There was silence from the crowd, then forced chuckles.

“I think I get that,” Gottfried said, turning to leave.

“I just made that up,” Hasselbeck said. “That’s pretty good, huh? Thank you, thank you. That’s good stuff.”

Not really, Matt. And not nearly as good as the stuff you’ve been doing on Sundays lately.

Proving, of course, that even a Super Bowl quarterback should never quit his day job.