Oh, how complicated things can get when you mix money and family matters.

I’d like to explore the dynamics of family money based on several questions I recently received during my regular online chat on www.washingtonpost.com.

First, let’s look at how some parents think that their adult children should be their caretakers for life.

Here is one such case: A 24-year-old college graduate, who lived at home while going to school, now is living on his own but nonetheless is expected to pay his parents several hundred dollars a month to help with household expenses. And by the way, the parents didn’t finance the college education; the student did, by taking out loans.

In many cultures, adult children are expected to take care of not just their parents but extended family members. Often it was these relatives who pooled their money to help younger family members get college degrees or start businesses.

However, that’s not the case in the situation I just mentioned.

As parents, you are supposed to take care of your children. You don’t get any brownie points for doing your job. I understand that some parents sacrifice to make a better life for their children.

But that sacrifice should not be used as a bargaining chip or entitlement to the future earnings of your children.

In other words, help when and if you can, but don’t feel obligated to support parents who are acting like spoiled children themselves.

Now, how do you deal with a parent who has done all the right things financially and feels the need to analyze every aspect of your budget?

“This is a constant argument between me and my father, who grew up with limited income during the Depression,” wrote one reader. “Last month I took a spur-of-the-moment weekend trip to San Diego. My father gave me endless grief since I hadn’t ‘budgeted’ for the trip. But I feel as long I know where the money’s going and essentials are covered, it doesn’t matter what I spend the rest on. Do I need to account for every expense?”

Mind you, this person has a balanced budget with 25 percent going into savings and an additional 15 percent that is used to invest.

This comes under the category of keep your business to yourself. You do not need to account to your parents for your financial actions or expenses.

So how do you handle nosy money questions from a parent?

You say, “I really appreciate your interest in my financial well-being, but I like to keep my finances private. I do hope you understand. Love ya!”

Finally, what if you ignore the good advice you get from a parent? In one case a reader was warned by her mother not to move in with her sister. The sisters already had a difficult relationship.

First, sit down with the sister and work out a rental agreement. You can order residential lease forms from www.uslegalforms.com. To download a form tailored to your state will cost $18. A hard copy is $20.

And if a grown woman doesn’t understand that it costs money to put a roof over her head and food in her stomach, sister girl (because she’s acting like a child) would only live with me for as little time as it took for her to save up enough money to move out on her own.