Dear Dr. Wes and John: I love to buy things on eBay, be it a purse or a CD or a shirt. The problem is, what started out as an occasional purchase has turned into an obsession. I love bidding and I’ll keep raising my bid, and then as soon as I win, I’m overcome with this sick feeling. I’ve spent way more than I can afford in the past month. Should I ask my parents to bail me out? Or should I not even tell them? I haven’t heard of anyone else with this problem. Is it common?

– High-school girl

Dr. Wes: Tis the season to shop ’til you drop, and apparently the online eBay craze is not limited to adults. EBay – with which I am intimately familiar myself – has a particular allure because it combines a number of pleasing elements. It has a fun, competitive flavor like the old country auctions that I used to attend as a kid. It has the immediacy and convenience of online purchasing, and best of all, the mind-boggling scope of the Web. It’s like going to the largest garage sale imaginable. I admit it’s the first place I go to look for tools, hobby items and clothes. I even purchased my entire office computer network system on eBay and got terrific deals in the process.

So what could be wrong with spending one’s day on eBay? It’s a fine example of why good things can become terribly problematic before you know it. You’ll notice that no one becomes addicted to boring, marginal things. That would go against the very brain chemistry of addiction. Almost to a fault, what is interesting has potential for addiction: drugs, alcohol, sex, video games, shopping. All these things stimulate our brains in such a way as to encourage overuse, obsession and addiction. Worst of all, you only need a bank account to use PayPal, so you can forgo the usual requirement of a credit card to make purchases. If you are willing to use money orders, you don’t even need that.

So what to do? EBay’s not going to get less interesting for you over time. It’s ever-changing, growing and expanding. So you probably need to figure out how to limit yourself. Set a budget for items each week or month and limit yourself to that and only that. Try to limit your purchases to practical things you really need: clothes, shoes, etc. That way you get all the fun and bargains and a lot less useless junk.

However, if you’re already in debt, you’d better resign your account now until you get caught up. You might also want to let the folks help you with this. Be honest with them and let them know you are having problems limiting yourself. Work up a bailout scheme that includes them putting some limits on your spending, if you can’t do it yourself. You’re still a kid and may need some constraints if you can’t do it yourself. If none of this works, John offers some more extreme measures for your consideration.

Gotta go. I’m watching a really cool drywall tool, and the auction closes in a few minutes.

John: Unfortunately, compulsive shopping is very common in our society. Our nation, both on an individual and government level, is endangering its economic security by spending more than it can afford. The root causes of compulsive shopping are identical to the causes of other addictions: We have a feeling of emptiness and low self-esteem, we try to fill this with a behavior, and we enjoy a temporary high from indulging in the behavior, followed by feelings of defeat and powerlessness that start the cycle again.

Fortunately, however, the 12 steps for overcoming addiction were laid out in 1939 by Bob Smith and Bill Wilson, founders of Alcoholics Anonymous. The success of AA gave way to many spin-offs, including Debtors Anonymous. I’ll be calling on their wisdom throughout this column, but you would do well to read the 12 steps yourself.

The first steps involve analyzing your character and asking God to remove the defects from it. It’s good that you’ve admitted you have a problem, but now you need to look at the root causes. Are you worried about school or stressed about family life? Examine yourself honestly and ask what holes you are trying to fill with shopping. Once you’ve identified your problem areas, humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings.

Now comes the hard part: making amends. It sounds drastic, but I agree with Wes. Tell your parents the whole story, then ask them to suspend your account. This sounds like admitting defeat, but it’s actually an important step toward your victory over compulsive shopping. A couple of months without shopping will give you time to find other interests and to put your priorities in perspective. Your parents probably won’t foot the bill, but they will admire your pro-active response. You also might want to find a constructive hobby or other distraction from eBay.

Finally, pray to God 20 minutes a day and ask him for the serenity to accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can and the wisdom to know the difference. The last step is not a personal suggestion, but a time-tested formula that has helped millions recover from addiction. Will you be next?

Next week: From obsessive shopping to obsessive love. A reader wonders if she is becoming “that crazy girl who likes him.”

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. John Murray is a Free State High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.