Q: I am an office manager for a family-owned business. My boss yells at the managers, employees, myself and his wife. He has a very bad temper. He told me the other day that I was stupid and silly. Is it not bullying when you are scared of your boss and get ill just thinking about going to work? I know you would say to just leave, but this is not so easy in a small town. – Eunice

A: Kate: I wouldn’t suggest that you quit – not yet. Instead, make a list of companies where you’d like to work and start making inquiries. Then, when you feel secure that you have options, you can try to change his behavior. I once worked for an abusive boss. He used language that was the most disgusting I’d ever heard. I eventually went to him and told him I was offended (and I’m not a complete angel myself). He mostly stopped. He had a sense of humor about it, and I didn’t have to leave because of it.

Dale: My hope for you, Eunice, is that you find a marvelous new job and thus don’t have to bother with parenting your current boss. However, please don’t make the mistake of searching out an unemotional manager. Having made a study of great bosses, I want to propose a distinction between irrational anger and righteous anger. Great bosses sometimes lose their tempers because they care so passionately about the product, service or customers. Lousy bosses lose their tempers because they don’t care about the employees.