A Lawrence man with a history of domestic violence charges and alcohol abuse has been charged with fatally beating his 37-year-old girlfriend at a local trailer park.
Christopher Belone, 35, was charged Wednesday with second-degree murder in the death of Linda Begay, his girlfriend of six years. Begay was taken to Lawrence Memorial Hospital after being beaten Saturday afternoon at Gaslight Village, 1900 W. 31st St., police said. She died Tuesday at Stormont-Vail Regional Health Center in Topeka.
Begay's kindergarten-age son has been taken into protective custody.
Lawrence Police said they were called to Gaslight Village shortly before 3 p.m. Saturday after Begay went to an acquaintance's trailer, drank alcohol, went to sleep and awoke to Belone beating her and dragging her out of bed. He beat her with a stick and dragged her to a car, but she was able to escape and call for help, police said.
Police arrested Belone later in the day Saturday after finding him involved in an unrelated altercation in the 200 block of West 10th Street.
In addition to murder, he's charged with kidnapping and obstruction. The kidnapping charge stems from him allegedly pulling Begay into the car during the beating.
Christopher Belone is charged with second-degree murder in the death of his girl-friend, Linda Begay.
Belone is a manual laborer who has previously worked at a forklift service and at Amarr Garage Door Group. At the time of Saturday's incident, he was under an order not to have contact with Begay because of a June 24 incident in which he was charged with battering her and another man.
He was convicted of making a criminal threat for a case in 2004, in which he was kicked out of the Phoggy Dog bar near 21st and Iowa streets and threatened to come back and kill people with an AK-47.
According to a police report, an officer at the scene heard him say, "I'm coming back tomorrow, and you guys are going to pay."
In June 2003, he was charged with aggravated battery against Begay, but the charge was dismissed for lack of probable cause. He was convicted of battery on a law enforcement officer for the same incident and ordered to probation.
In November 2001, according to a police report, a man suffered "multiple facial injuries and lacerations" after being beaten and kicked by Belone, who was upset because the man had contact with his girlfriend - apparently Begay, who was listed as a witness in the case. Belone was charged with aggravated battery, but the charges were reduced to simple battery as part of a plea agreement. He also was charged with domestic battery against Begay around the same time, but that charge was dismissed.
Linda Begay died Tuesday at a Topeka hospital after being beaten Saturday at a Lawrence trailer park.
Belone also has a 1996 conviction in New Mexico for aggravated DUI. He previously has been ordered to undergo anger-management therapy and substance-abuse treatment.
"He reports the majority of his criminal history stems from continued alcohol abuse," a probation officer wrote in his court file.
Belone was being housed in Douglas County Jail on Wednesday with bond set at $60,000, but that likely will increase as a result of the added murder charge.
Dist. Atty. Charles Branson and Police Chief Ron Olin announced the charges against Belone during a news conference Wednesday afternoon.
The killing is the second so far this year in the Lawrence city limits and the third total for Douglas County. In 2005, there were five homicides in Lawrence and six total in Douglas County.
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rednekbuddha (Kelly Powell) says…
If we jailed every angry drunk in this town tumbleweeds would be blowing down the streets of lawrence. ......domestic situations can get sticky..... granted, this one sounds like a nightmare and went to worst case scenario. I do not believe with his past history that they are going to be lenient this time.
smitty (anonymous) says…
Right-on plumberscrack!!
Add to that no addresses or mention of residency of either the victim of the murderer.
Add to Belone's repeat offences the 200 block of 10th and you get the wet shelter and LINK.
Add to that an unusual press conference with both DA and police chief present.
The legal system didn't do their job adequately based on all the priors so Branson and Olin are nervous?
This is a prime example of what I have complained about with the presented behavior of the clients in the 200 block of 10th.
So does anyone know if he was captured because the sherter or LINK called in a disorderly conduct to dispatch at meal time? Both frequented those places. Meal time on Saturday is 1:30. No big investigative search, they were predictably drunk, violent and dependent on these services.
law (anonymous) says…
plumberscrack. I agree with you, but you will never get a death penalty sentance in Douglas County. It takes approximatley 1 million dollars of tax payers money to pay for death penalty suite.
OldEnuf2BYurDad (anonymous) says…
It's sad to see what so many women suffer at the hands of so many men. I found out yesterday that the child my wife is carrying is a girl. I've had so many people tell me "girls need good fathers" in the past day. It's just sickening to think that this woman stayed with this man for so long. It seems she didn't realize that she didn't have to remain there.
Fathers: give your daughters a sense of their emmence WORTH. When a girl meets a man like this one, she should be repulsed, not attracted to him; but those are things girls learn from interacting with a good father. If a man is not present for his daughter, he puts her at a disadvantage.
joshs_mom (anonymous) says…
I feel badly for Ms.Begay. What a horrible way for your life to end. I hope the her child will be okay, hopefully whoever he ends with (other family or foster care) makes sure he gets some type of therapy. He probably saw this man (his father?) beat his mother many more times than just the times that the police were involved.
usaschools (anonymous) says…
Unless you have actually been a victim of domestic abuse, it is very, very, very difficult to understand the dynamic that keeps one from leaving. To someone who has never been there, it is virtually unfathomable. Please don't flood this board with "why didn't she just leave" statements and the like. They only show a lack of understanding.
My prayers and heartfelt sympathies go out to this woman and those who love her.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
Amen enforcer
acg (anonymous) says…
I agree with OldEnuf. This is a tragedy, to say the least, but the first time the piece of crap put his hands on me, it would be his last time. I had a boyfriend hit me once, many moons ago. I cracked him across his jaw with a skillet and that was the end of that problem. No, usa, I don't understand the dynamic and I never will. And you'll most likely be bothered by today's thread because I know there are a lot of strong willed women around here that wouldn't put up with that s**t, either and will be bothered by the fact that she didn't leave him. I, personally, can have only so much pity and sympathy for a person that goes back time and time again for one beating after another. I just can't fathom it.
Horace (anonymous) says…
Men bad. Womyn good. All men are abusive.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
He was charged with battery against a police officer, but the charges for battery against Begay were dropped because of "lack of probable cause". Huh? So battering the officer didn't show them he was capable of doing it to her, too? I find this really sad.
So, is a police officer in Lawrence more important than a battered woman? Still, it was only probation. Probation means nothing to these kind of people. It doesn't even slow them down. They just get much better at hiding it, and of showing their victims what will happen to them if they dare to tell anyone he's violating that probation.
When are they going to really get serious about giving these monsters jail time for battery, BEFORE it ends in murder? Maybe they'd think twice then.
Do you know, if the woman knows the perp, and it's considered a domestic violence case, most times the charges are only misdemeanors. When they do this kind of thing to strangers, or the cops, they're usually charged with felony battery. What kind of priorities do we have? What message is society sending to battered women when they consider beating someone a misdemeanor?
OldEnuf, I agree with Enforcer. Abuse is insidious, and people can become victims of it regardless of their own upbringing. I have known women who had wonderful, loving fathers of their own, college degrees and great careers, fall into the trap of abuse.
A woman doesn't always have low self-esteem in the beginning when she meets a guy like this, but it soon happens. He's usually a real charmer at first, to the victim and everyone else. He will remain a charmer to everyone else. In fact, people who don't know him intimately may think he's a great guy. He may be considered a pillar of the community. He may be a police officer himself. He comes across as Mr. Wonderful to everyone else. He saves his violence for the audience at home. Which is one reason why a lot of women stay. Because no one else believes her when she tells what's been going on. They may think she's crazy, because they've never seen him act that way. And he will insinuate to others that she's crazy.
I tell you what I think is a good use of GPS, instead of in cell phones. When a batterer is court ordered to not have any contact with his victim, give him a nice ankle bracelet. Then track his a$$. If he violates the order, throw his butt in jail for awhile. What good is a protective order when the police rarely enforce them? In fact, I have had officers get annoyed at ME when I reported someone contacted me, when they weren't supposed to.
And why is this only a second-degree murder charge? They don't think he meant to do it? I can guarantee it, that since the moment she left him and got that protective order, he has been angry as hell. That fury has consumed him. He has been plotting how to do her in every waking moment, just waiting for the opportunity. He has been obsessing about it. This is how abusers think.
ModSquadGal (anonymous) says…
It is so sad to me that nothing can be done about a**holes like this until they kill someone. He repeatedly beat this woman, showed obvious problems with anger and still he was never locked up or forced to get help. I never understood why women stay with abusive men, until I was in a bad relationship myself. While he never hit me, it was still very very bad and I look back now and wonder HOW I could have had that low of self esteem. She obviously didn't see her own inherent value and he somehow tapped into that.
I will say this, if any man laid a hand on me, I'd knock him on his a$$. I may be small, but I'm scrappy.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
Some women stay because they know that a piece of paper (protective order) won't protect them when he's standing there with a knife or gun. It also won't protect their family if he's the type to threaten to hurt them if she leaves. Sometimes, when in that situation, it feels like it would be best to just stay and pacify him...
crazyks (anonymous) says…
And he wouldn't hesitate for a moment to turn you in for abusing HIM, Mod. I've known it to happen to many women. Not to mention the fact that he'd be gunning for you forever after.
The daughter of a friend of mine was in an abusive relationship. One night, he had his arm around her throat, from the back, choking her. In desperation, she scratched the hell out of his arms to get him to release her. He did, she escaped, and never went back.
He was never charged with anything. He did, however, turn her into the police, who charged her for battery for putting deep scratches on his arms. She was given probation and now has a record.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
The police won't hesitate for a moment, when called to the scene of domestic violence, to arrest both parties for battery, even if one of them was only defending themselves.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
What is the common factor in most domestic problems? I have to say from all the stories and articles that the main factor seems to be from alcohol or drug abuse if not by one but both parties. Obviously this man (and possibly the woman) had a problem with alcohol abuse. And the situations seem to escalate when that is in full force. This is not an excuse mind you. But I do find it fascinating that alcohol is the main factor for these types of cases.
As to all of the woman who have had to deal with this type of situation. My heart goes out to you and your families. I, myself, would NEVER let a man do anything to me. I think too much of my self to let that happen. But there are resources for you, if you need to leave, there are women shelters in Lawrence, you don't need money or even transportation, the officers can take you there or shelter can pick you up. They will take care of you until you find a better way of life. Don't take the abuse anymore, get out, if not for you for your kids. Ask for help, its not shameful to do so. It's your life, do you really want to live the short time you have in this world in fear, shame, anger, helplessness? NO, take action! There are way too many people and agencies to help you. Ask for help.
smitty (anonymous) says…
The shelter(wtcs) won't take in any woman actively on drugs or alcohol.
The same self esteem problems are instilled in the men as the women.
Our society is patriarchal, misogynistic and violent.
Olin and Wildgen actively attempted to get a bye on a Kansas law when Martin abused his daughter. Especially since that time the police(lpd) have not arrested officers that have been called in for domestic violence and pressure/talk the officer's wife out of pressing charges with "you don't want to ruin his career, do you"? Officers are not consistent in how the domestic violence laws of Kansas are enforced. DA's are not consistent in prosecution either.
Both the victim and the murderer were/are alcoholic, in poverty, and a constant client of the wet shelter and the food kitchens. Mayor Mike Amyx is aware of the situations association to the shelter ' cause we talked. Amyx already knew.
So why report the 200 block of 10th for the arrest? Maybe it was to hint the shelter clientel was involved but still left if open to the fund raising and continued growth of a poverty-drug-alcohol-violence ridden non-profit by not stating the obvious.
But this murder is probably considered a vast improvement over the deaths of the clientel in a trailer park instead of a city park.
We enabled this behavior on many levels.
Ceallach (anonymous) says…
I don't believe men like this would ever have to deal with a woman who would either defend herself (really defend, not just cover her face with her hands) or leave and never have anything to do with him again. Why? Because they are only attracted to women they can dominate.
The women? I admit, I cannot relate to anyone submitting themselves to repeated abuse.
The legal system is a joke! Plea bargaining, once used sparringly to achieve justice, is now used to lighten the case load of public servants, to ease the crowded jails, etc. It's a far cry from any type of justice when violent people are released over and over by this system. If a man or woman has violent tendencies they can vent their rage repeatedly, as long as the victims are women and/or children. They walk out of the court room time and time again.
I also believe the police become indifferent to women who call for help and after receiving it allow the abuser back into their lives. I can see how that could happen, but it shouldn't!!
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
Not all women who end up in an abusive relationship are weak or think less of themselves. Some are strong independent women who are slowly groomed into it. It starts with "Honey, you really shouldn't do: I'm only telling you this because I love you and don't want you to look like a fool/act like an idiot/embarrass yourself". Then the arguments start, there's name calling and so many apologies and tears from the abuser. Then everything is great for a long time. Love grows and memories fade because he/she loves me and won't hurt me. He/she's just very passionate and feels a lot of emotion: that's why he/she grabbed me so hard there were bruises. I shouldn't have angered him/her. I should have just dropped the argument. He/she didn't mean to hurt me. So many tears/flowers/cards/dinners/apologies. The emotion he is showering on you is so overwhelming you begin to wonder if it was as bad as you thought. Maybe you weren't remembering it correctly. You don't see the change in yourself and your friends/family see that your changing but when they ask you, for various reasons you say nothing.
The first time there is a hit the excuses start. "I told you to just walk away when I get this angry" "Why didn't you just drop it?" "Why do you make me do this to you?" "I did it because I love you and you need to learn not to:" and by this point it is easier to believe whatever he/she says than to believe that someone who loves you and that you love would hurt you like that. There's also the "I'll get help don't abandon me when I need you the most" guilt trip/argument. Remember, by this time you've been groomed for the guilt, shame, remorse and you NEVER saw it coming.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
enforcer- Sounds like we were married to the same man.
usaschools (anonymous) says…
I agree with you enforcer. Nice post.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
enforcer: I said that alcohol or drugs seemed to be a common factor. NOT that all abuse is related to that. But clearly this man and possibly the woman had alcohol issues. She was probably drinking to kill the pain of dealing with this man or herself just addicted to something that stood in her way of getting out. I don't know. I don't know either one. I was just stating a fact that seems to be common in some cases. I understand that I have never been in an abused situation. Because I won't allow that to happen. I don't care if he is the father of my children, says he's sorry, etc. etc. etc. I would NEVER put up with it. And yes, I DO know that I never would in any instance. Because I am a better person and I think Ceallach hit the nail on the head when he/she said that there are women who won't tollerate it, therefore the male abuser will look for the ones he can dominate and abuse. I am in no way saying that it is less horrible, or blame the victims in anyway. I just know there are all sorts of people and some are controlling and some will put up with such behavior, I, for one would not.
And it is true, the police do grow tired of the same women calling for help and even have protection orders against the very men that are abusing them and they let them back into the home and the abuse continues and the women in turn call the police for help and protection. If the women aren't going to at least help themselfs why should the cops?? Just a thought.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
After 4 years and a whole new life, I still wake up in a cold sweat and screaming.
Tails (anonymous) says…
The reason the abuser was charged for battery on a leo was that the law enforcement officer was present and could testify to the actions Mr. Begay took toward him/her. The officer was not present when Mr. Begay beat the crap out of the mother of his child. If she chooses not to testify what choice does the prosecutor have? Rules of evidence in trials is not at all like Cold Case or Law and Order. If she is not there, bottom line the prosecutor can not go forward. Why does she call the LPD -- for safety. At least for the moment, the officer can arrive on scene and make sure that she is not killed. It takes a woman 7 to 10 legitimate attempts of leaving before she finally leaves -- thank god the officers are there for what little support they can offer.
But, before we start blaming the victim do a little research into domestic violence and you will discover that the most dangerous point in a woman's life is not when she is in the abusive relationship but when she is trying to leave. Women stay so they can stay alive -- bottom line. I've heard one woman explain it to me by saying she would rather live in a situation where she could determine when the craziness was coming and could leave rather than leaving and being stalked constantly -- always wondering when he was going to be there to kill her.
Domestic violence is a complex issue. Don't think just because you were hit by a man that you were in an abusive relationship. A true violent relationship involves months or years of pervasive emotional work before the physical abuse ever comes. It only becomes physical when the mind games no longer work. If you were hit by a man once, thank your lucky stars that you encountered a pig and can leave him but don't judge others thinking that you have walked in their shoes.
geekin_topekan (anonymous) says…
Lynn didn't come downtown too often.Only when things got really bad for her at home.Even then it was clear that she had every intention of going back as soon as she felt the time was right.Her boyfriend would be the topic of every conversation she started.Not of the abuse but more of how big a wimp he is and how she is on top of him.
She spoke of him and his mother who was living with them at the time.It was clear that her "family" at gaslight were the only thing that stood between her and fullblown homelessness.She was pretty proud that way.I fear that if she wasn't in this abusive home she would have been in another one of equal value.
She had a great sense of humor.She'd find absurdities in anything.She was so quik at cracking those little snips at the world,she'd crack me up.She was a bright,fun-loving and absolutely nuts.
The last time I saw her alive she greeted me with a huge smile and a hug.Announced proudly that she doesn't know how to shut up,so don't ask.
But the alcohol failed to shield her from her pain and it would come out.I've seen this side and I am glad that isn;t my last vision of her.
heather5 (anonymous) says…
I agree with everything you say passionatelibra my boyfriend has never layed a hand on me, he has threatened to until I pushed him into the wall and grabbed him by the throat and told him not to threated me, but everytime we fight he says sorry and he didn't mean what he said he was just mad he loves me and wants us to be together forever, and I love him (don't ask why) and I believe that if I just stick it out eventually everything will be ok. I even moved out about two months ago and stayed gone for about a month and everything was so good between us while I was gone, I recently moved back in and although things are not near what they were we do still have small fights. Things are better, but I know I need to get out of this relationship I'm not dumb, I know I am a pretty girl I have been asked out more than once while I was at work. Everyone says just leave, but when you care about someone it's really not that simple. You want to try and make things work, you give them the benefit of the doubt because you care and love them.
sweetpeagj (anonymous) says…
I feel so sorry for this lady. I have had a lot of friends going through this same thing. I have also been through it. Trust me, nobody would ever say that I am submissive or shy. I will go toe to toe with anyone and could care less what happens. Except with the man that held my world and heart for so long. People shouldn't judge anyone else in this situation and not feel for them on any level. They are the women who love and laugh and cry just as the rest of us. They just have lived for so long with abuse that it is almost normal to them. To all of you who so emphatically say that would never be you don't bet on it. They are the most attentive and charming when it starts and even after the first time. We can make excuses for the ones we love and will do everything in our power to keep the great person we fell in love with not the monster that only comes out once in awhile. I resent the heck out of anyone saying we have no self esteem because I can guarentee if you knew me that would never cross your mind. My friends are amazed that I ever went through this but I did.
comments (anonymous) says…
crazyks you got it exactly right with, "He comes across as Mr. Wonderful to everyone else. He saves his violence for the audience at home. Which is one reason why a lot of women stay. Because no one else believes her when she tells what's been going on. They may think she's crazy, because they've never seen him act that way. And he will insinuate to others that she's crazy." I've never heard anyone be able to explain it as well as you. Thanks!
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
heather5 - I discovered that I can love someone with all my heart but they will not change or get help unless they want to. So, I had to decide to love myself more and do what I needed to do to take care of me. I discovered that I preferred living alone than with someone who had me feeling like I was nothing.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
"We can make excuses for the ones we love and will do everything in our power to keep the great person we fell in love with not the monster that only comes out once in awhile." ~sweatpeagj~
Oh so true! But soon, it's the monster who comes out most the time and we only see the great person we fell in love with once in a while. I didn't see that great person at all towards the end...
monkeywrench1969 (anonymous) says…
Crazy KS
YOu need to note the 2003 case that was dismissed was under a different prosecutor. The lack of evidence could have simply meant they could not find the victim to appear in court or they refused to testify so they had to drop the charge. THey probably went withthe battery on an officer because he showed up.
I was on jury duty once set to hear a domestic trial and the victim/wife refused to show up so the case was dismissed for" lack of evidence" which includesthe person needed to tell the story is not there.
mommaeffortx2 (anonymous) says…
I feel so bad for the little boy. Did they say if he was there on the day of the beating and arrest? I hope not.
miasac (anonymous) says…
I think that enforcer is guilty of generalizing as much as anyone else on this post. Taking your situation as an explanation for all other domestic abuse situations will lead you to false conclusions. Many women who are in abusive relationships DID have poor relationships with their fathers or were abused as children. Likewise, many women who are emotionally scarred in this way cannot feel loved unless a man is insanely jealous and possessive. Yes, I am saying that some women choose abusive partners because they cannot have a self-esteem if their man does not "show" his love by beating them every once in a while. Of course, they would never admit this, even to themselves. However, I could introduce you to at least two women (both of whom had issues with their fathers) who have consistently left normal men after a few weeks and then hung on to any a--hole who would punch them out on a regular basis. If asked, they would say that they're just not attracted to nice guys. I'm not saying it's right, but it's true.
It would be pleasant and easy to believe that no woman is ever at fault in in an abusive relationship. However, I also know a woman who would hit her boyfriends at the slightest provacation and wouldn't stop until they hit her back. Relationships wouldn't last long with guys who refused to sink to her level. Usually, she would end up on the losing side, because men tend to be stronger than women, but not always.
The need to express one's self through violence is a personality flaw caused by various factors, and while men may be more inclined towards violence than women, it doesn't mean that no women ever are. In fact, recent studies show that women are becoming more and more violent as more traditionally "male" roles are being handled by women.
Domestic abuse is an incredibly tragic, and unfortunately frequent occurance; however, pointing our fingers at one group of people and never looking in the other direction can be dangerous and can inhibit our ability to stop the problem.
NO, a man should never hit a woman. But more importantly, a person should never hit a person.
Finally, my heart goes out to this poor woman and especially her child, regardless of her reasons for staying in this relationship. This situation should never have been allowed to go this far, and I hope this monster is punished to the fullest extent of the law.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Regina, alcohol or drugs may exacerbate domestic violence, but it is never the cause. People who are abusive will be that way with or without them. They're just worse with them.
And I have talked to many women who, prior to the abuse, thought they would NEVER let a man hit them, NEVER put up with it...yet they got caught in the trap of an abusive relationship, too.
It happens, over and over and over. Strong women who were self-confident, self-sufficient, who thought they could see the signs early on and just be able to walk away.
It isn't that simple or easy, not by a long shot.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Yes, some women choose abusive men. Most do not do this deliberately. They may not even realize consciously that they do it.
Those women who come from abusive homes tend to see abuse as a way of life. They don't know any other way. It is familiar to them. The fear of the devil you don't know is sometimes stronger than the fear of the devil you DO know.
Yes, some women have extremely low self-esteem. This makes them more vulnerable to abusive men. Yes, women who have been abused tend to sabotage good relationships they may have later. Number one, because of the abuse, they have difficulty trusting their own perceptions. Is he really a good guy, or is he just waiting until he gets her alone, like the last guy did? Number two, they no longer know how to deal without constant anxiety in their lives. They have to teach themselves again how to do that.
If someone is determined never to be an abuser, you cannot goad them into hitting you. You will walk away before you ever get to that point. Especially if it is a man hitting a woman. Considering the usual differences in size and strength, any man who will hit a woman, regardless of the reason he gives, is wrong.
But physical violence is only a part of domestic abuse. Emotional abuse, financial abuse, and the psychological games usually begin long before physical violence starts. I have heard many women say that the emotional abuse is much more damaging than the physical. Physical scars will heal. Emotional ones take a lot longer to heal, if they ever do.
My ex would sit there and constantly belittle me, constantly berate me for my supposed "sins", telling me everything that was wrong with me, until I just wanted it to stop. I would beg him to hit me and get it over with. You see, once he hit me, he would go into the honeymoon phase. He would be sorry. He would be contrite. He would buy flowers, offer to cook meals, promise it would never happen again. He would be "loving" and "kind" for awhile. Until the next blowup.
What women in abusive relationships go through is very similar to the psychological torture, physical torture, brainwashing, and emotional abuse endured by POWs in war time. Read up on that, and maybe you can understand a little better.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
What is WTCS?
juscin3 (anonymous) says…
I have been in some domestic abuse relationships in my past and I also worked for a county attorney's office with the attorney that handled the domestic violence cases. I would sit there and listen to the women say "I love him" "I can't let him go to jail." They would be cryin and such and I understand what they were going through. I even told a few what I had gone through. It's not worth losing your life over. There was one incident, where the man was doing all sorts of things (not to me, one case that was going on) and he was going to the home, trying to kill himself by setting the place on fire, burnt his wife's wedding dress, and then harrassing her by calling her and telling her that he was going to kill her and their children. He ended up taking off and going to another state where he got busted and he was extradited back and was found guilty. Now he is spending his life in prison. Controlling men get angry because the woman is wanting out and the man looks at it like if he can't have her, then no one will. They think they don't have a way out, but there is a way out. It sickens me that I see or hear this kind of thing happening to a woman. A man that is nice up front, then become controlling to where the woman is terrified of the man. They need to go to the police and let them do their job, get out of the house, cuz there are battered women shelters they can go to. I know from experience. Its hard at first, but think about it, it's well worth it, cuz you are still living your life. God has a plan and he has your soul mate, just be patient and he will bring them forth. That is what I had done and I have met my soulmate over 4 yrs ago.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
It's not always easy to just leave and the police aren't always willing to help. There are so many dynamics that come into play. There is always a way to get out of the situation, it just may take a little more than going to a shelter... but I know for a fact it can be done and sometimes complete strangers are willing to bend over backwards to help you do it...
srj (anonymous) says…
When did this turn into the "we hate men" forum. Women belittle, beat, lie, cheat and kill men all the time. Sure, Mr. Belone is going to hell. That does not make all men bad, and all women saints.
Not all the world problems are man-made.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…
I don't hate men. I dislike and feel sorry for one particular man. Unfortunately, when discussing DV it usually is geared towards males because ~83% of the victims are female. Male or female, NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
juscin3 (anonymous) says…
I agree with passion. I wasn't posting to "bash" men. Women are guilty of doing things as well. You just hear about men doing it more than women. And, yes police usually go to the residence more than once...but, if it happens time and time again, then why won't the victim leave after the first or even second time???
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
ah, memory lane day, eh?
hockmano (anonymous) says…
A restraining order doesn't help when he is chasing you in your car! A restraining order doesn't help when he busts through your door in the middle of the night with a weapon! A restraining order doesn't help when he attacks you in front of your children!
Why don't they just leave? Because often the female feels that it is easier to stay, than deal with trying to break free. They are often brainwashed into submission.
I had a family member that had an abusive boyfriend for years. At one point she finally threw him out only to find out that he had been sleeping on a mattress in the garage and watching her every move. Finally he burst into the house with a weapon and a male roomate shot him dead. No charges were filed.
I felt sorry for his family, but at the same time he had threatened to kill everyone in ours. That has been over 4 years ago and she still has not had another relationship. I think she just can't deal with it.
If you know someone that is in an abusive relationship, talk to them about getting help. BUT they will not accept help until they are ready! Until then, all you can do is pray they will be okay!
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
i couldn't decide if i'd walked in on a support group or a victims rally. this public remniscing is pretty creepy, imo.
jogger (anonymous) says…
Only swift, uniform and lasting prosecution will slow the domestic violence in Lawrence. Lawrence is a special place, especially if you want to attack your wife, girlfriend, kid, roommate, dog, or just a guy in a bar.....
How does Lawrence host a regular peace vigil and turn away from violence in our neighborhoods?
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
waitwaitwait, a peace vigil would end 'violence in our neighborhoods'?
well, i will be damned. it was right there all along.
(please, get real)
jogger (anonymous) says…
I know a credible (sober, successful) woman in Lawrence who asked to police to arrest her attacker with a witness to the third violent incident and was denied the right to prosecute her attacker - yes, different DA -
Can we change the status quo?
Will you step up to support people ( men and women) who do not accept violence in their homes, neighborhoods, and community?
It is NEVER legal to touch a person in anger (even one you know)....The right to prosecution should not be mediated by community standards unless we want to change the law.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
kum bay ya, kum bay ya
jogger (anonymous) says…
Michelle -
The point is - Lawrence protests violence elsewhere regularly, yet seldom enforces local laws regarding attacks on persons in our community. This goes unnoticed.
I hope you are never in a position to have your calls refused by the DA, or weigh the costs of potentially facing stereotypical ignorance from your employers while trying to uphold your right to live without physical attacks. A victim of domestic violence in Lawrence has very few options, and yes, a social connection can shift assault to domestic abuse.
SO that guy you had dinner with, your roommate, or someone having a nervous breakdown or other psychiatric problems can go free, continue to harass you or others, while you face(standard) accusations of drug use or contributing to the behavior of another over whom you obviously have no control.
A peace vigil will not solve the problem - but local attention to local problems will- and that includes electing aggressive prosecutors who will not look the other way. This woman will not be here to testify this time either. How will this attacker be prosecuted if no LEO saw the attack?
Ever tried to register to vote from the WTCS shelter?
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
jogger, you don't *Know* the shoes i've worn. i've had life, darlin'. i've *had* it. all shades. nice try, though.
when it comes down to it, you either pick up the pieces or you don't. if you wait around for someone else to make it happen, you'll never fix it. the entire abusive relationship set up is based on "if only s/he would do XYZ". take responsibility and do it yourself. it's not a pretty stance, but i know, on a very personal level, it works. it's really very simple.
sorry i won't be able to bring the casserole.
jogger (anonymous) says…
Michelle -
This is not a personal issue, its a community-wide neglect that lead to Linda's death.
If domestic violence were recognized for the precise crime - not somehow softened by the familiarity of the victim, if it were recognized as the life destroying and costly problem it is, more deadly than flooding in Lawrence, and if all members of the community took full responsibility for their complicity and deference, it would be more difficult to get away with hurting other people, children and animals. There were several chances to end the reinforcement cycle of non-prosecution leading to Linda's death.
We all contribute to a community that fails to uphold its own standards of non-violence and prefers the death of our neighbors to prosecution.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
i'm sorry, jogger, i'm not charging society with neglect because linda was caught with whathisname in a cycle of mental illness and blaming. frankly, i believe you're only affirming that s/he's a helpless victim and has zero personal power by shifting attention from their own participation in the madness. trust me, it takes two. hard to hear, but true.
in my opinion, the only true helpless victim is the child. everyone else made choices and had choices to make.
(you're not losing much without me, anyhow. i'm a terrible cook.)
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
it seems the resolution is roughly the same, whether the cause is by choice or planetary alignment (if that's your belief). yes?
in my experience, problems get solved much faster when you actually do something about them instead of waiting for someone to do it for you.
~if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.~
choice. just my $0.02.
jogger (anonymous) says…
She was a victim, and not his only one. She does not have much power now, and we still have him to deal with. He is not alone, she is not alone.
When our laws are broken, even if no one is left dead, all of us are harmed by the violation. That is why we enforce parking laws, speeding laws, and other basic standards.
Our failure to uphold the standards of prosecution for physical attacks by known individuals contribute to the degree of violence that is present in our communities.
I am not trying to win you over, and the personal experience of domestic violence is difficult to grasp from the outside, but the pattern of nonprosecution that led to this death is bigger than the individuals involved, and beyond the scope of power for most victims, safe or not.
We, as a community, create the environment that allows violation of law and social standard. We, as a community, are responsible for oversight of the public servants who uphold those laws that reflect our social standards. Swift, lasting prosecution can deter the escalation of violent behavior that can grow over several relationships and spill into the lives of neighbors and strangers.
If you feel no responsibility for this death, you have not considered your own power as a voter and citizen.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
and, hester, worrying about what people think ("some have been branded") is a lame excuse for not putting the welfare of children first. who's left to care what THEY think about the situation, then? hogwash. quit blaming and waiting for life's white knight lotto ticket.
know what i mean?
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
ha! jogger, you make too many assumptions about me. i vote *very* carefully and i expend my resources for causes i believe in in a very personal and direct manner. shame on you.
if you want a parade, have at.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Why are you all assuming that he was there because she'd taken him back? The article doesn't say that at all. How do you know he didn't break in?
Are you saying, justsomewench, that this woman chose what happened to her? So, she chose to be sound asleep and have some psycho hit her in the face with a board?
Wow. Next time somebody's house catches fire, let's all blame them by saying it wouldn't have happened if they just hadn't gone to bed that night. The things you can choose to do when you're sound asleep. Who knew?
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
crazy, you don't *get it*, do ya?
do you think the first time she saw the board coming was that very night? back up on the timeline there, crazy. a few years, even.
the utter depth in which some of you blindly accept a pure victim mentality is truly scary. i hope you realize that you're doing the very 'victims' you protect a true disservice by insisting that they are completely and utterly powerless to do anything about their situation.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
swbsow-
1. i know this. i've lived through it. i empathize, but still...you have to leave.
2. i never called anyone names. move on.
3. not easy, didn't say it was. again, i've been through it. it doesn't always work the first time, the second time, etc. you do what you have to do to get there.
i don't have to imagine the scenarios you pose. i have my own record to play and retrospect has taught me a great deal about what was real and what wasn't.
i don't remember the pity of others solving a damned thing, but pity away if you must.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
i thought lawrence still had safe houses for battered women...?
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Exactly Just some wench, they do, I don't understand why women can't go there. There are several in the area. Nobody has to be homeless. You don't need money to go there. Just get out and get help.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
i find it hard to believe that other surrounding communities don't network for overflow, in that case (topeka, kc, olathe, etc.). i'd be damned surprised that the only answer is "go back home and we'll call when we have a slot". regardless, if one solution dries up, you keep looking - if you're serious about getting out, that is.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
There are womens shelters all around us. Topeka, Kansas City, possibly even south of DGCO like in Ottawa, etc. Call and ask. Don't assume. If somebody is serious about getting out and getting help nobody is going to turn them away. If somebody is abusing alcohol or drugs then there are treatment centers for that. That would still get you out of harms way.
mommaeffortx2 (anonymous) says…
there is a womens shelter in town I do not know where but I am sure enforcer can help anyone that needs to get in touch with them.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
I expect them to call the police and get a ride to the county line where another law enforcement agency will give them a ride. There are buses, taxis, friends, family, and there are agencys that will give you the money to get to these destinations if a ride is not feasible. It's all about priorities. Do you want to get out? Do you want a better life? There are options, and choices. There are dozens of agencies. They will help. Blaming the "I don't have any money or a ride" theory is crap, there is always help, they aren't looking for it.
The people I was speaking of that aren't going to turn somebody away is a shelter or safe house of some kind. Not the general public.
Yeah, I wonder how he knew she was in that trailer?? MMMM, probably cause they lived in the same trailer court and were both probably friendly with that person and maybe hung out there together when times were ok. Somebody else who lived in the trailer court told him they saw her go there?? There are too many senarios to count. It's not like she was hiding in China under an assumed name.
Just to clarify, I think the hole domestic problem is horrible and I feel for all the men, women, and children who have to experience it. But there is help and a way out, you have got to ask for it, and look for it. It's not going to come knocking on your door. Take control of your life and make it better. It is hard, very, but it can be done. I have seen it.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Thank god for compansionate people. There aren't many left. Most are "I didn't see anything, I don't know anything, I don't want to get involved". I can't beleive how some people can turn a blind eye to a terrible thing they see being done right in front of them and do nothing. I sure hope if I am ever in the need of help that there is somebody who would help me or at least call for help instead of looking the other way and walking away. What is wrong with the world?? I just don't get it.
mommaeffortx2 (anonymous) says…
thank you enforcer, I knew you had the info. hope someone reads this and calls.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Please call somebody, a friend, a doctor, a preacher (you don't have to be religious or attend church) a co-worker, the Salvation Army, the DA's office, the police. Somebody should be willing to help.
mommaeffortx2 (anonymous) says…
one can sure hope that people are willing to help, it is a sad fact alot of people turn there backs..
jogger (anonymous) says…
Why should a victim have to run? Why can't the laws be enforced to keep violent criminals off the streets. Not everyone attacked by this man knew him. It could have been me, or you, or your best friend. The laws are in place to prevent as well as protect. We knew this man would attack again, and he was on the streets. Indeed, what's the matter?
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Well, sometimes there is no other choice. Unless the beatings are witnessed by somebody else or the officers see the physical abuse, it's her world against his and a lot of times there is nothing that can be done, especally if the woman or man won't cooperate with the authorities and testify. So the next best thing is get the he!! out.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Regins, it's obvious to me that you've never been in an abusive relationship.
Call the police and get a ride to the county line, where you call the police there and get them to take you to where you need to go? Where exactly on the county line (any county you choose) is that phone where you can make free phone calls? And the police will not do this. Often, the police will not even go with a woman to the house to get her things if she's leaving her abuser and is afraid he'll be there and try something. I've known women who tried this. Believe me, the police will not do this.
Use a bus? A taxi? Again, that takes money, and a woman may have to leave with nothing but the clothes on her back. No bus or taxi that I know of will take people somewhere for free, regardless of the situation.
Friends? Family? Haven't you been listening? One of the things an abuser does is to isolate women from their friends and family, if they had any to begin with. A lot of abusers have gone so far as to move them to another state, hundreds and hundreds of miles from their family, to a place where they know no one.
Agencies can and do turn away abused women. These agencies only have so much money and so many resources, due to budget cuts. They can't take in everyone, much as they would like to.
Just for the record, Ottawa does not have a domestic violence shelter. We can't even get anyone here to agree to having a homeless shelter. Women here are usually referred to Topeka or Lawrence for help.
"Yeah, I wonder how he knew she was in that trailer?? MMMM, probably cause they lived in the same trailer court and were both probably friendly with that person and maybe hung out there together when times were ok."
I thought you said that women should be able to go to friends for help? Now you're complaining because that's what she did?
No matter who a woman turns to for help, where do you think an abuser is going to look for her first? With the friends and family that you say they should go to for help. And he will have no problem with threatening anyone who helps her, even if it's a shelter somewhere.
Regardless, this in no way gave him any right to go into anyone's home and do what he did.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Regina, my sister went that route. Tried all the local churches. None would help, since she wasn't a member of their congregation. Doctors will only refer you to agencies. The Salvation Army would only pay to put her and the kids in a motel room for ten days. She had no money and no job. Could you solve all of that in ten days, and find a place to live?
crazyks (anonymous) says…
justsomewench, did you get out the first time physical abuse happened? Was it only physical abuse, or did you put up with tons of emotional abuse first?
Did you stay out for good the very first time you got out? If not, then why do you think others should?
Women, on average, will leave 7 times before they manage to remain out for good.
bizarre (anonymous) says…
rising above the grief
To the heavens my eyes gaze up
Heavy as a flower in the rain
Though sorrow now has filled my cup
Only time can ease my pain.
Just like the flower above the leaf
Leaves the thorns and mud below
To rise above the thorns of grief
It takes some time to grow
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
you're looking for a reason to disregard my opinion. i'm afraid i don't get off on showing off my battlescars for pity points.
you go be helpless and bake sale or something and i'll tend to real life, deal? if it works for you, that's all that matters.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Crazyks, most officers carry cell phones and can call the other law enforcement agencies and make that arrangment, if not, they can request that dispatch do it. I don't know where you get your resources from either. Because officers go with women and men to there last residence to get personal belongings every single day fo the week. Call and ask. They do do it. i know this for a fact.
I said there are agencies, like the Salvation Army that have resources to get the person money to make that trip to get out. That is avalible. Sorry about Ottawa, it was a guess on my part. I wasn't complaining that she was at a friends for help. Other posters were amazed he found her there. I was just stating how he possibly knew she was there. That was the point, not that she went there. Re-read my post. I am in no way bashing battered men or women. I was just stating that there are options, and was trying to give some. I know a church who helped a friend and she wasn't a memeber. So I assumed most did.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
That would be ten days of being safe and looking for other options. If it was bad enough, that would be better than nothing. True funds are cut all over.
jogger (anonymous) says…
If he had been convicted of drunk driving, how many times would he be allowed to reoffend?
Where in the law does it say assault on a person you know is not a crime? This is a local interpretation, and a community standard that perpetuates violence and bolsters the confidence of those prone to violence. The decision to take a report or not should not be in the hands of the arriving officer. LPD often acts as judge, jury, and public relations. Lawrence's reputation as a peaceful community is based on the very non-prosecution that allowed Linda to die.
Reports need to go to the DA, where the evidence can be reviewed by those elected to uphold our laws. The law is not subjective. Selective enforcement does not protect our community.
Will we depend on a witness to prosecute now, or will this man take full custody of his child and continue the cycle with his next acquaintance?
Hurray to the LJW for its coverage. This represents a turn of the tide. Its up to the rest of us to take the information and use it. Yes, all of us. This woman was our neighbor, friend, and community member. She deserved to be as safe as any of us.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
jogger, I don't know the history of these two. But the law is only as strong as the person who it's been commited against. It's very plausible that Linda wouldn't confess to any altercations and also wouldn't press any charges or be a witness for the judge as to the abuse. If it was just her and him during some of the abuse, there is nobody else to be a witness as to what happened, therefore it is his word against hers. If others were witnesses they may not be known as for the sole reason of "not wanting to get involved". Which is horrible. I agree, something needs to be done about this type of law to help protect the vicitm before others die.
jogger (anonymous) says…
I am confused. Do we need a special law for this? There were other arrests, other attacks, beyond the 'domestic' situation. I might be wrong, but I believe that witnesses can be called to testify. I also believe it is the investigating officer who has the responsibility of interviewing potential witnesses, and the responsibility of any witness to report a crime. I feel that the laws in place are not being enforced, and that this is a decision made by the officer on call, who has no legal training, but might be afraid to get involved in what appear to be affairs of the heart.....
No one should be afraid to say no to violence, especially the police. Violent behavior almost always escalates and touches more lives than the victim. Linda's suffering has touched our lives.
If you hear someone being attacked, and you do not look, call, watch and report, you might as well join in.
Stigma, Stereotype and social status aside - this man should not have been on the streets. His crimes go beyond domestic violence, and he could have been brought to justice long before this.
The cost of incarceration, treatment, continued monitoring would be so much less than the death of a mother and future care for her child.
How can this issue be so unclear?
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Because thats the system, sucks as it does. I think its up to the DA to prosicute the offender, not the police, all they can do is take the report and try to help the victim. But it takes the DA, judges, juries, etc. to get the offender and get him help, jail, whatever. It also takes the victim to want to prosicute and take a stand against the abuse being inflicted. Works both ways.
sweetpeagj (anonymous) says…
I had a friend who used to live in KC with her husband. He would tie her and her kids up when he went to work so they couldn't leave and get help. By some luck he left one day without tying them up but by putting them in a closet. Yes, she finally managed to get here to wonderful Lawrence and low and behold he found her. He used to stake out the "safe" house where she was staying, harrassed her children at their schools. This woman was afraid to leave the house because he told her if she ever told anyone or tried to leave he would kill them all. She reported him and reported him but then end result? He had every right to know where is kids were and to have visitation with them so she is no safer three years later than she was before she left. Now where does that fit in to getting out and being safe? People need to understand that each situation is different and the end results aren't as cut and dried as some of you would like to portray them to be. I have worked with a lot of women who ended up at WTCS snd guess what? Some of the men found out where this"safe" house was and ended up getting them anyway. One very vocal member of WTCS had her husband finally arrested and put in jail ( it took him trying to kill her with a gun for this to happen) and he served his few years and swore on everything that when he got out he was going to kill her. He's out now so what is she is supposed to do? Spend the rest of her life running because this man swears she is going to die? Things aren't black and white when it comes to domestic violence wether it is perpatrated by a man or a woman so let's not put it "well, I got out so they should be able to also. It just isn't simple or realistic or even helpful to think that way. We need to get tougher on the criminals and do a better job of protecting all the victims. That includes the children that have lived this for their lives so we can let them now that everything they witnessed isn't the way life should be. Of course, that is hard to do when one of their parents lies in the grave and can't help them through it.
smitty (anonymous) says…
Ks Bar copy and paste:
**.....Kansas is a "mandatory arrest" state which means that a law enforcement officer must arrest a person in a domestic violence situation if the officer believes that a crime has been committed. Physically injuring or threatening to injure a person is a crime. If the injury is committed by a family member, someone you live with or used to live with or a person with whom you share a child in common, it may be a crime of domestic battery. If your abuser has violated a protective order prohibiting the abuser from having contact with you, that, too, is a crime. Show law enforcement officers any evidence of physical violence and any protective order which prohibits the abuser from contacting you......**
Question to all the forum's victims of dv....how has the mandatory law in Kansas been applied by law local enforcement, city and county?
We know that the county arrests even if it is a prominent family per a recent JW article. And we know that the lpd fail to arrest their own officers for dv to safe guard the lpd officer's career against the loss of their right to carry a gun required to keep their law enforcement position. Any anon officer's wife ready to speak up on the forum?
How did the DA handle your dv case? The judge? The court advocate?
thanks in advance
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
sweetpeaj, i know this will be hard to hear, but the men don't just show up to safe houses, children's schools, workplaces, etc. because they're psychic. i hear all these stories of "my friend", "sister", "lady from work", and they are heart rending, but you have to understand that women in these relationships are active participants in a relationship that is SO mentally ill, they are about as grounded in reality as the perpetrators. you have to be, it's the only way to survive psychologically. regardless, the stories you hear are colorful, cut and dried sounding that you have no choice but to think "how can this happen?". these women often have been so mentally abused that they really can NOT tell the difference between the actions they do that perpetuate the abuse and what doesn't. chances are, you're not hearing the whole story because they can't even see the whole story for themselves.
i am terribly sorry, but i am not the enemy because i believe there are options. i know there are and i know the game from the inside. there are options.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
enforcer said-
"as far as taking charge, it isn't easy and some have more trouble than others, even if one has the strength fear is a diebilitating factor, some of us have been able to do it and because of that we should be availabe to help others do it too. Simply telling others " I did it so you can too" is crap. "
i agree with you 100%.
leaving isn't easy, it is scary, and a very confusing conclusion when you're living in the 'reality' that you're getting exactly what you deserve.
we must lend a hand to another when the opportunity is there. a posse of women from the bridge club waving signs and chanting down the street, is not help.
keep in mind that "i did it, so can you" are words of encouragement, not disgust. we have to say that. would we really say "i did it, but you won't"? if we would, we shouldn't be helping.
"You won't see me marching with "the womyn of the night" because that does nothing to resolve the issue, but I will drive to any woman who needs me and help her get away, beacuse I know I needed that when I walked away. It's called paying back. I will never forget those who were thwere for me in my time of need and most of them were people I had never met before."
amen, sister, and bravo. working with another in need is what makes a difference. banner painting and chanting, not so much.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
Posted by enforcer (anonymous) on August 5, 2006 at 10:10 a.m. (Suggest removal)
no they do it because they are psychotic
--------------
no, they do it because the women stay within striking distance, so to speak. or there are still communications or other common ties that can track back.
if it takes leaving the community, it takes leaving the community. far behind, if need be. whatever doesn't work the first time, put it on the checklist the second.
c'mon, enforcer, you KNOW what i'm saying.
jogger (anonymous) says…
They do it because they are not in jail, because they have not been prosecuted as strongly as shoplifters, speeders, or overtime parkers.
This can only happen if we look the other way as our police and DAs fail to do their jobs. Lawrence has along history of this sort of blindness. Perhaps this DA will change the pattern?
jogger (anonymous) says…
Ok - so the current victim, in this case is dead, but in others has managed to escape. Some attackers will track her from state to state - not so hard unless she completely abandons her identity- along with the right to work, vote, drive, or rent a movie.....
Often- she will escape and he will move on, to another member of our community. Usually, these violent people have attacked others, including acquaintances, store clerks, aid workers, animals....
Simply removing the victim does not address the criminal.
Removing yourself from harm is one thing- protecting our community is another. When the river in north Lawrence flooded, we did not move the city, we built a levee.
Many more suffer physical and economic damages due to non-prosecuted, witnessed, violence in Douglas county and the fair city of Lawrence. Mike Wildgen is no longer the end of the line - now we have the whole city commission in charge of the LPD. State and federal funds are available for programs to address such problems, but they require a record of those problems and that comes down to the officer taking the report, documenting the problem, speaking to the neighbors, and following up.
We pay taxes for this. We elect the officials that distribute those dollars. We can change the situation, if we make it clear that we will not accept violence in our home town any more than we will in Lebanon.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
and a regular peace vigil'll fix it all up, eh?
i'm just not buying it. sorry.
jogger (anonymous) says…
Just some -
I do not mean to imply that other vigils are called for -
The fact that Lawrence hosts a regular vigil is symbolic of the fact that we, as a community, denounce violence.
The vigil is in place - its time for some local redirection of the same sentiments in political action to denounce violence at home, and take control of the agencies that are in place to uphold our laws and social standards.
I appreciate your work, and I would like to see you need to find some other form of work. If people were educated early that violence of any sort will be prosecuted, the problems of long term abuse victims would be eliminated.
I do not believe this is a problem that can be solved by public protest, but that protest is a tool in community consensus building, and a very small part of the changes that need to take place to eliminate the neglected enforcement of our laws.
Linda's death is evidence of this type of neglect, and it goes far beyond domestic violence. If we can see the situation for what it it, the pieces of the solution become clearer. Several individuals failed to uphold the standards of our community in this situation, and for many years.
Its time to take control of those aspects of our society that are in place to prevent situations like this from growing out of control. Lawrence should be a place where people are safe, and people get the help they need.
justsomewench (anonymous) says…
jogger, i think we're near a concensus now. if there's something to be voted for, i will be there. if there exists a pattern of cover-up in enforcement that can be proven, i will back the outcry for equitable enforcement. if there is someone in need that crosses my path, i am ready to help.
if any of those deeds require i upset the balance and peace i fought so hard to get, though, you will have to carry that torch without me. i'm enjoying a refreshingly boring life; my kids deserve it.
i'll commend your energy and enthusiasm if you'll forgive my cynicism and selfishly private participation in the same cause. truce?
enforcer, you rock. and if you ever get back into the budget business again, look me up. i've a single parent budget in dire need of a makeover. ha!
sweetpeagj (anonymous) says…
I also did work with the welfare to work programs and had many clients contracted by the state. These aren't glossed over stories or anything made up to make you feel for them. These are life and death battles they fought daily and bravely. The one client I referred to that ended up here fom KC didn't want or encourage any contact from the father. She even cut herself off from her family so she wouldn't have it get back to them. She also managed to get a job working for CPS in Lawrence and really tried to get her life together. When the school called and said a man saying he was the father of the kids she ran out of the office because the school had known of the abusive relationship and were not to allow the father to be around the kids. Yes, the cops were called, a restraining order in place but some judge decided this reported and repeat offender had every right to see and visit his kids. Give it up. I have taken abused women and children into my own home to try to keep them safe until something could be arranged. Some of the women who came through my doors were giving my number as an emergency contact if they needed it. I spent countless nights sitting at there house in the dark behind locked doors with them so they could sleep. There are two sides to every story but when I witness the violence that they had endured for years you can bet that I was terrified for all of our safety. Too many times when a woman comes forward or is heard in the middle of the night screaming and crying most people close their ears and eyes so they don't get involved. They do the same thing to the little one who keeps coming to school with bruises and broken bones because they just don't want to get involved. We need to make it mandatory if you are charged with DV ( man or woman) you have to do jail time and work with some of these children and woman who suffered at the hands of someone just like you. Not this 24 hour cool down and then on your merry way till they get into it again. I see people all the time that are repeat offenders and they get a slap on the wrist, some anger management class and maybe community serviced but no heavy jail time. A lot of woman have asked me how the hell a piece of paper is going to stop that swing, punch, bullett or knife when the cops don't even take it seriously.
boredwithu (anonymous) says…
I lived the streets of Lawrence for 5 years. Yes, I know, I read thease posts every day, and I know that smitty, oldenough, and many others will probly figure out who I am. That's o.k. though, I have to speak up.
First off, I know Lyn ("Linda"), she wasn't much differn't than me, other than she would come down town to get away from her abuser, while I was already there with mine.
This isn't a therapy session, so I won't go into the how's and why's, I ended up homeless in Lawrence. I was scared, didn't know what to do, where to go. A nice, funny harmless man made freinds with me. He showed me where to go and how to get by. He was really sweet to me in a time when I had no one. Eventually it turnd into hell because I couldn't bring myself to panhandle, I would work my behind off when he found a lawn job for us, usually he was behind some bushes drinking a beer while I was killing myself trying to prove my worth- not to him -to the people who hired us. I walked around town constantly with black eyes. The cops, knowing that we would end up running together again, and considering "Hank" a good ol' boy never interfered. Sure he went to jail a few times, on those nights I knew I wouldn't live untill morning if he didn't, but most of the time I just asked them to hold him until I could get away.
Where was there to go? How do you get away when you have no one and nowhere? The womans transitinal care center you say? Ha! The location is known to everyone one the streets! Henry is the one who pointed it out to me! I was never "allowed" the safety of the shelters, staying there only when he was in jail, when he was around...to go there would mean him getting in a fight and going to jail. GOOD you say! I would have to deal with him when he got out. Treatment? He could follow me. WTCC, he knows where they're at. Go home? I had no home.
I had the good luck of someone saying "you don't belong here " and getting me out of town. I have been sober since Nov.18th, the last time I laid eyes on my ex. I live a productive life, there is hope for the "cronic homeless". I am saddend by what happend to Lyn. It brings the past too close. I pray for her children and I thank god I got out.
not as clear cut as you think!
boredwithu (anonymous) says…
enforcer
thank you.your kindness moves me. As you can see, if you look at my profile, I don't speak up too often. I'ts that old "You're stupid, nobody wants to hear you, you'er worthless" thing going.
Yes, I could have used the Womens shelter, and they would have protected me. however, as someone on this thread pointed out, as an active alcoholic(at the time) niether Lyn or I had any chance of getting in. I asked for help ther many times, and was told to go to the comunity shelter for protection (their thinking, so I assume, being that I wouln't be alone)
Anyway, enough of this!!! I am greatfull to those of you in the know who have spoken up, if nothing else...the quiet woman who dosn't have much to say out loud, but is reading avidly, afraid to speak up...I for one am there for you.- ackley_79@yahoo.com
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Regina, I was referring to your comment that the woman could ask the police to drive her to the county line, then they could call the police there to drive them where they need to go.
The police will not do this. They are not there to provide transportation for people. Sometimes, after an accident, if your car is undriveable they may drive you home or somewhere they ask you to. Most police officers will not do this, though, and they're not required to.
As for not going with someone who is going to pick up there things, yes, some police officers won't do this. This could be a particular county or city thing, I'm not sure. But they wouldn't do it for me.
"no, they do it because the women stay within striking distance, so to speak. or there are still communications or other common ties that can track back.
if it takes leaving the community, it takes leaving the community. far behind, if need be. whatever doesn't work the first time, put it on the checklist the second."
Justsomewench, I have been out of an abusive relationship for several years. I have had absolutely no contact of any kind with him in all those years, and yet still he comes around sometimes and tries to hassle me. I have found notes on my car. Still he will try to call. He will still sometimes hassle my friends and family in public. In his case, it seems to be the mentality of "once my property, always my property". So don't assume that just because the abuser won't leave them alone that it means the target has maintained contact with him.
Did I move away? Hell, no. Why should I have to move away, when he was the one who committed the crimes? Why wasn't something done to him so I didn't even have to consider it?
Besides, I have known many, many women who were followed by their abuser across many states, and even into other countries overseas. How are you supposed to deal with that? There is nowhere on earth you can go to hide that a determined abuser can't find you. Is that what you think victims should do? Just run and hide forever, and keep running?
Smitty, in my own experience, no matter what he did to me or how much he harrassed me or tried to break in, all he ever got was probation. A slap on the wrist. Oh, yes, and court-ordered to never have contact with me again. Did that stop him? No.
When are we going to start getting serious with these kind of people, and make them accountable for their actions? When are we going to start making them pay for their crimes?
smitty (anonymous) says…
Autopsies can be manipulated/perjuried. It's the family and friends that don't rest while the second autopsy is done. Sorry enforcer, that isn't abuse.
The police are watched by domestic violence groups but the efforts are yet not that well organized or publically known. Some cops abuse and the others are complicit thru the code of silence so can not be trusted to apply the laws.
DA's are elected so anyone with half a brain knows that the prosecution is politically fueled, women are big on victim mentality as are the men biased toward their violence per our dominate society.
Not much progress for victims of abuse even with the last 25 years of so of the National Coalition of DV efforts to educate the advocates, victims, public, legal system.
smitty (anonymous) says…
Speaking of manipulation, the coproaches have stayed clear of this one. Imagine that!! I would love to see what all the abused women would say and report on the behavior of the lpd if they came on as abusive toward me on this subject as they have on others. Hopefully the silence from the abused in an anon forum is enough protection to allow the "victims" safety to speak out.
I sat across the table from ronboy 20 some years ago to advocate for law enforcement interventions in dv only to recieve the pat answers on police policy are in place. It wasn't long after that the current dv laws were enacted by Kansas requiring mandatory arrest. Still not an lpd practice in spite of the laws. What's new??!!
The da can be faulted in their practice too but a report must get to them first.
So I too have made some progress as an individual but all in all not much progress for 25 years. Since we mostly agree, is it the progress statement that you are in disagreement about? Social change comes all too slowly.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
The system for DV victims sucks big time.
The police don't like to go on DV calls. Many a woman has been told that just threats are not enough. He has to actually go after her with that knife or gun before they can do anything. Well, by the time that happens, she might not be able to contact the police, or if she can, they might not get there in time. So in the case of DV, the police do not even try to protect the woman. They just come to collect evidence after the murder.
The mandatory arrest law helps a little, but in some cases can make the situation worse. For one, it's not publicized enough, and many victims don't know the law exists, same as many perps don't know. My ex wasn't aware of the law, and neither was I. When I had him arrested the first time, he badgered me incessantly to get the charges dropped. Yes, that time I had gone back to him. Sometimes it takes awhile to gain that courage and common sense.
He threatened me with worse if I didn't get the charges dropped. So I tried calling the police, who directed me to the court, who told me that no, they couldn't drop the charges, once it had been determined that abuse had occured, it would automatically go to court, regardless. This got him off my back about dropping the charges, since I couldn't do it, but it sure didn't get him off my back about calling the police in the first place. He never got it that his behavior was at fault, and he never will. Suddenly it was my fault for daring to call the cops at all.
In that way, the law makes it worse for victims. It also makes it worse in that abuse of an intimate partner is usually considered a misdemeanor, which means they never go to jail for it, they only get a fine and/or probation, which only escalates the situation. And in my case, it happened three times. In neither of the last two times was it ever mentioned in court that he'd already been convicted of the same thing twice before, or that by doing it again he'd violated his probabtion. He was only given more fines and more probation. Court-ordered to receive a psychological evaluation, therapy, and anger management classes. None of which he ever did. The perp has to pay for those services, even if they're court-ordered, and he didn't want to. No one ever followed up on him to make sure he was doing this, and even when they found out he wasn't following through, they did nothing to him. Nothing.
If you threatened somebody you didn't know with death, you'd sure end up in jail. You'd do jail time, even if it wasn't a long sentence. Why is society, and the police and courts in particular, so prone to treating DV as no big deal?
And the police are particularly reluctant to do anything if the perp is one of their own. They will close ranks around him and protect him, even if they know he's really doing it, finding all kinds of excuses not to do their jobs.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
The women I have tried valiantly to get through to are the ones with children; there were no children involved in my abusive relationship. Women with children tend to believe that it's just her that sets him off, something that she does, but otherwise he's a wonderful father and she thinks she would be punishing her children and depriving them of a father if she does anything. They don't realize that any man that will abuse his partner will eventually move on to abuse the children, too. They refuse to believe it.
And so, they stay with the perp, and let him beat her, thinking in some twisted way this will keep her children safer, that if he has her as a punching bag, he will leave them alone. This is usually not the case, and it's really sad.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
My sister's case was particularly bad, concerning the system; the police, the courts, and SRS. Her husband had physically abused her, had broken bones, but she was scared to death to report him, as he threatened to kill her if she did.
They had four children. The man finally left her, and moved in with another woman who had two little boys. He physically abused this woman as well. He then was charged and convicted of two counts of indecent liberties with a child for molesting the two little boys. He went to prison for this.
My sister divorced him, and, even knowing that he was a convicted sex offender, the court granted him visitation with my sister's four children. Once he got out of prison, he demanded his rights to see his children. SRS "advised" that it be supervised visitation, but they made no effort to provide that supervision. In the meantime, he had married the mother of the two little boys he was convicted of molesting. SRS said his new wife was good enough to provide the supervision at visits. Even knowing he was abusing the woman at the time.
My sister tried and tried and tried to get somebody in power to listen, and to get his visitation rights taken away. The state wouldn't do it. They threatened to put her in jail if she didn't send the children for visits, since it was court-ordered. So she had to do it, though she didn't want to. And on those visits, he subsequently sexually abused two of his own children, was convicted of this, and went to prison again.
SRS promptly took the children away from my sister, saying she hadn't protected them from harm.
I feel that this is totally the fault of the state and the courts. What kind of judge in divorce proceedings grants visitation to a man that has already been convicted of sex crimes against children? It doesn't even make sense to me. And I have found out that the same thing has happened to countless other women, all across the country.
So yes, the system is definitely flawed.
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
Was this in Kansas??
smitty (anonymous) says…
Regina, was this in Lawrence?
Along with the many reasons of why women stay or don't press charges is this one:
***Posted by Horace (anonymous) on August 3, 2006 at 9:21 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Men bad. Womyn good. All men are abusive.***
Womyn is lesbian baiting crap Horace. Lesbian baiting, homophobic accusations by the abuser is often part of the rhetoric used to controll.
Any of you had that one thrown at you?
reginafliangie (anonymous) says…
I didn't understand your post smitty....
smitty (anonymous) says…
Women spelled with a y(womyn) is a way to take a hit at lesbians. During the woman's movement many women changed the e to a y to eliminate the male dominance in the language.
Lesbians were a major factor in getting the national attention on dv issues. Shelters were often started by lesbians. The shelter movement started just after the woman's movement so womyn is a way to divide and conquer for shelters.
Back when our glorified pres had Meese as an attny gen the national coalition for domestic violence had worked hard to get a million dollar grant for their organization's educational efforts. Once Meese got the first annual report that showed part of the grant was used for the lesbian task force Meese said drop the task force. These women/womyn voted to drop the grant in lieu of allowing the coersion that Regan's attny gen presented.
Pay close attention to posts that are about strong women on this forum. Quite frequetly some basher will make a condecending comment about womyn.
Sexist, misogynistic, and lesbian baiting.
SEX is a controll and abuse factor in dv situations. Often abusive men will taunt their mates with an accuation of the wife being lesbian to confuse, demean and shame her.
Have any of the abused women on this forum had lesbian baiting used to controll them?
smitty (anonymous) says…
wow, ask a good question and they all disappear to today's dv article to continuue the never ending 12 step meeting of the victims club.
crazyks (anonymous) says…
Yes, regina, this was in Kansas.