One of my favorite commercials making its way around the Internet is for John West canned salmon.

In it, a fisherman vying for salmon with a kick-boxing grizzly – an actor in realistic-looking bear garb – diverts it with the cry, “Look, an eagle!” Whereupon the fisherman kicks the distracted bruin in the family jewels and high-tails it with the salmon.

I was reminded of the John West ad when I saw a recent Associated Press story laying out the GOP agenda for the coming elections.

If voters this year aren’t careful, they’re going to fall for an awful lot of imaginary eagle-watching as a distraction from the excruciatingly real problems confronting America.

Or – sorry to channel Johnnie Cochran – when in doubt, turn the base out.

What do political poo-bahs think Americans should focus on? Yep, you guessed it: gay marriage, abortion and flag burning.

This is getting old.

Catering to so-called “values voters” to the exclusion of everyone else is exactly what’s driven many of us libertarian and traditional business types away from the Republican tent, which too often these days resembles a tent revival.

Forget that prices at the pump are whirling like cherries and 7’s on Vegas slots. Or that cash-strapped middle-class Americans are pawning their watches and stereos to fill up their tanks.

Never mind that members of Congress, uniformly more interested in keeping their jobs than doing their jobs, are spending the country into a fiscal abyss, doing favors for their special-interest lobbyist buds who write fat campaign checks.

Or that 41 percent of working-age Americans had no health insurance for part of last year.

Or that we’re stuck with a war in Afghanistan, a tar baby in Iraq and a possible future melee with Iran.

And never mind Osama bin Laden and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who are popping up in a game of Terrorist-Whack-a-Mole to taunt President Bush at the nadir of his popularity.

This campaign sleight of hand is becoming an annual event. And each time, voters whipped into a frenzy by shouting heads, politically scheming holy men and radioactive blogs fall for it.

The musty perennial of abortion is also back on the national scene. But here’s a tidbit: You can fill the entire Congress with anti-abortion Republicans and the practice will never be illegal until the U.S. Supreme Court flips it.

And flag-burning? That one’s sprouting mildew. When’s the last time you saw an American flag being torched here?

If this is the best that GOP strategists can do, they’re out of ideas. Or maybe they care far more about enticing fanatics to the polls than they do governing.

Democrats aren’t exactly bristling with good initiatives, either. At least Republicans have a platform, even if it is about issues that don’t really affect the vast majority of Americans.

What’s a frustrated citizenry to do?

Here’s an idea: Resist this annual assault on the individual intelligence of voters. That GOP gurus believe they can successfully pull this ploy every election season is a sad commentary on their view of the average American.

Do yourself a favor: This year, instead of being distracted by a game of “look at the eagle!” keep your eye on the salmon.

– Bronwyn Lance Chester is a columnist for The Virginian-Pilot in Norfolk.Her e-mail address is bronwyn.chester@pilotonline.com