Most parents realize instinctively that the “do as I say, not as I do” approach to raising children is not particularly effective. Now science has provided some compelling evidence to back up the notion that it’s what we do, and not what we say, that influences children’s behavior the most.

According to a report in the September issue of the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, a team of researchers at Dartmouth Medical School took a group of 120 children ages 2-6 on an imaginary shopping trip to stock up on supplies for a party. They made note of what the children considered to be essential party supplies and then compared the little tykes’ buying habits with information they had gathered on their parents, specifically whether they smoked or drank alcohol and what kinds of movies they watched at home.

As you may have guessed, the researchers found a direct connection between what these young children saw in their home and what they picked up at the pretend grocery store for their parties. The little nippers were four times as likely to pick up smokes for their soiree if their parents smoked in the home and three times as likely to choose alcoholic beverages if their parents drank alcohol around them at least once a month.

Also, kids who were allowed to watch PG-13 or R-rated movies (who on earth let’s a kid under 7 see an R-rated movie?) were five times as likely to pick up beer or wine to serve at their pretend party than kids who were restricted to only G-rated movies. So apparently it’s not just what mom and dad do that influences a kid’s view of what’s normal and acceptable, it’s what George Clooney and Julia Roberts do as well. Scary thought, isn’t it?

So those of us who are parents have been duly warned. If we ever had any doubts in our minds about how much influence our actions have on our offspring, we should consider ourselves relieved of those doubts thanks to the studious folks at Dartmouth Medical School. Those wide little eyes that watch your every move, almost from the time they first open, are forming their view of what is normal and acceptable based on how they see you live your life.

If you smoke around your children, the chances that they will be lighting up by the time they are in high school are greatly increased. If you drink excessively on a regular basis, don’t be surprised when you get a call in the middle of the night to pick up your 16 year old after they’ve been pulled over for DUI, or worse, after they’ve been in an accident while driving under the influence.

And when you’re walking down the new releases aisle at the local Blockbuster looking for a movie for family night and it comes down to a choice between “Showgirls” and “Monsters Inc.”, well, you can probably figure out which movie is going to teach your children the kinds of values you’d like for them to develop.

Parents can’t be perfect around their children, and even if they could there’s no such thing as a perfect child. But we can be mindful of the fact that the standards we set for ourselves are likely to become an inheritance we pass on to our children.

We’re making choices for them, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Try to make good ones.