Time for the first annual Woody Awards, a never-to-be prestigious honor for Kansas University football players and their athletic achievements.
Starting today, the Woodys will be handed out at the end of each regular season until my bosses catch on and I'm unmercifully canned from the Journal-World for incompetence.
The nominations were non-existent, and the selection process took all of 20 minutes while I was supposed to be listening to my mother on the phone.
Here goes nothing:
Offensive most valuable player: Jon Cornish. Sharing time with steady Clark Green, Cornish never got as many carries as I thought he should. But nobody was the big-play threat Cornish was during the regular season, as breakaway runs against Florida Atlantic, Appalachian State, Nebraska and Texas showed.
Defensive most valuable player: Charlton Keith. With apologies to Nick Reid and his third straight 100-tackle season, Keith gave linemen absolute fits as a defensive end. Both are more than worthy of All-America considerations, but Keith oftentimes was on another level this season.
Special teams most valuable player: Scott Webb. Remember the years of kicking frustrations at Kansas? Of course not - when Webb's doing his job, nobody notices. Well, Scott, the Woody Awards noticed, so pat yourself on the back for a season well done.
The Woody for not knowing when to say when: The Kansas University student body. As enthusiastic as Jayhawk fans were, bum-rushing the field and tearing down goalposts three home games in a row is almost disrespectful to the team you're cheering for. For the love of all that's holy, stay in the stands for next year's season-opener against NCAA Div. I-AA Northwestern State.
Block of the year: Actually accomplished last year, but former Jayhawk wide receiver Gary Heaggans laid a hit so vicious during a punt return in 2004 at Iowa State, his own legs somehow ended up over his head in midair. Though he's no longer on the team, his block deserves a Woody 13 months later. It'll probably win next year, too.
Gymnastics impersonation of the year: Kevin Kane and Nick Reid. After Kane returned a coffin-closing interception for a touchdown against Nebraska, he defiantly placed the ball on the end-zone turf. At that time, Reid came flying over him, causing the two to somersault over each other and get a 15-yard penalty. For being 230-pound brutes, I give them an 8.7 - and a Woody.
Play of the year: This Woody will have to go to me, after I successfully returned an interception 108 yards for a score as Charles Gordon on the Playstation 2 version of NCAA Football 2006. So impressive was the run-back that Brad Nessler, Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit all were gushing over Chaz's ability to break ankles on the telecast.
What's that? You're not supposed to run out an interception eight yards deep in the end zone? Well : with Gordon and with video games, that's just not true.