The Chairman: The witness will be seated and sworn. State your name for the record, sir.

Mr. Little: Chicken W. Little.

The Chairman: Frankly, sir, I am amazed that you are, indeed, a fully-grown male chicken.

Mr. Little: A rooster, Mr. Chairman.

The Chairman: Rooster, sorry. I was given to understand by the current blockbuster Disney movie that you were a much younger chi- … rooster.

Mr. Little: Lies, Mr. Chairman. Hollywood lies. Nor am I, as the fairy tale has it, a frightened female who spreads panic in league with Goosey Loosey and Henny Penny.

The Chairman: You are, however, the same Chicken Little who warned this nation that the sky was falling?

Mr. Little: I am, sir. Based on the consensus of intelligence available to me at the time, and based upon the advice of my top advisers, Dicky Ducky and Rummy Raccoon, I felt it was my duty to warn this nation that the sky was falling.

The Chairman: Whereas, in reality, it was an acorn that hit you on the head, causing the delusion that the sky was falling.

Mr. Little: I take exception to your characterization of my concern as a “delusion,” Mr. Chairman. For years, some of the best minds in the intelligence community had warned that a madman, a tyrannical dictator, might someday cause the sky to fall, or else turn over sky-falling technology to terrorists who hate freedom. I also would point out, sir, that the Congress voted overwhelmingly in favor of a sky-is-falling resolution.

The Chairman: And yet, Mr. Little, you had on your desk at the time reports that indicated significant uncertainty about the threat of the sky falling. You chose not to share those uncertainties with this body or the American people.

Mr. Little: I did not deliberately manipulate intelligence. I was afraid of leaks. Dicky Ducky told me this place leaks like a Russian submarine. He said if there was any leaking to be done, he had a guy who could take care of it.

The Chairman: So, even though there was a great deal of disagreement about the prospect of the sky falling, you chose to go ahead with your claims.

Mr. Little: I was assured by Dicky Ducky that Halliburton could install a solid, gravity-proof sky within 90 days on an expedited, open-end, cost-plus basis, which Dicky Ducky said would cost $100 billion, tops.

The Chairman: And yet, nearly three years later, such a gravity-proof sky does not exist.

Mr. Little: I would point out, sir, that foreign fighters and insurgents have interfered with the work, despite the heroic efforts of our magnificent troops, whose mission is endangered by irresponsible mixed signals sent by members of this committee.

The Chairman: I thought their mission was to rid the world of the threat that the sky was falling, a threat you yourself now admit does not exist.

Mr. Little: Well, if you want to get into technicalities …

The Chairman: What then, is their mission?

Mr. Little: Acorns, Mr. Chairman. They are fighting on the front lines of the Global War On Acorns. The world is full of evildoers who would like nothing more than to rain acorns down on the heads of freedom-loving people everywhere. If we don’t stop them over there, they’ll be raining acorns in Akron and Anchorage, Acaba and Acapulco.

The Chairman: As far as I know, there’s not an oak tree anywhere between the Mediterranean Sea and the Persian Gulf.

Mr. Little: We are fighting a patient and ruthless enemy, Mr. Chairman, people who are willing to wait 50 or 100 years to grow their own supply of acorns.

The Chairman: Did you ever consider, Mr. Little, once you discovered that the sky was not falling and that, instead, you had been hit in the head with an acorn – did you ever consider admitting that you’d made a mistake?

Mr. Little: A what?

The Chairman: Further, did you ever consider that in the original fairy tale, Foxy Loxy led Chicken Little, Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey across a field and through the woods, straight into his den, and ate them all up?

Mr. Little: What’s your point?

– Kevin Horrigan is a columnist for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. His e-mail address is khorrigan@post-dispatch.com.