Surviving through her words / LJWorld.com

Archive for Sunday, November 20, 2005

Writing workshops with other patients helped sort through feelings during treatments

By Katy Beard

November 20, 2005

The main reason I decided to take the writing workshop was to deal with the problem of younger people dying around me while I was still here. So I thought that when writing and getting those thoughts down I could figure out why, or learn how to live with my feelings.

Most or all the workshop participants were younger than I was. I, more than writing, listened. Being a "yakky" person, I've worked on listening over the past five years and it's amazing what you can learn with your mouth closed.

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Their stories brought back to me what you feel and go through but don't talk about. The feelings that you had when you were sick and the feelings you have now in remission.

Just listening to the group talk about their experiences with cancer, the same things you experienced. ... We laughed at the same things that were awful when they happened.

A while back I attended a support group and they seemed so depressed and down. But none of these people in the workshop was feeling sorry for themselves. And we have every right to. Just kidding.

But because we do have the right, we didn't.

I encouraged a young man I met at work earlier this year who lost his mate to go to the workshop. He doesn't suffer with cancer but he's suffered a life of being around it and I think it would be positive for him to write.

I approached the workshop with the attitude of a nonwriter with limited skills but Caryn Mirriam-Goldberg, the facilitator, thought it was good and it felt good. Unlike other workshops or groups, no one was critical and we were reminded to not belittle our own work.

A win over cancer

I know we told more stories than we wrote.

I told the group about the "appendage" I was wearing for my radiation. It looked like a Madonna bra. On my last visit I asked the nurses at St. Francis if I could borrow one because I was going out that night.

I didn't want the meetings to stop.

The last week was sad. I really do think even if we can't remember everybody's names the memory of those people is going to be with me for a very long time.