Q: Our school psychologist said she thinks our son is suffering from childhood depression. My goodness. The kid is only 9 years old. Is it reasonable that this could be his problem?

A: We used to believe that depression was exclusively an adult problem, but that understanding is changing. Now we’re seeing signs of serious despondency in children as young as 5 years old.

Symptoms of depression in an elementary school child may include general lethargy, a lack of interest in things that used to excite him, sleep disturbances, chewed fingernails, loss of appetite and violent emotional outbursts. Other common reactions are complaints of stomach pain and low tolerance to frustration of any kind.

If depression is a problem for your child, it is symptomatic of something else that is bothering him. Help him verbalize feelings. Try to anticipate the explanation for sadness and lead the youngster into conversations that provide an opportunity to ventilate. Make yourself available to listen, without judging or belittling the feelings expressed. Simply being understood is soothing for children and adults alike.

If the symptoms are severe or if they last more than two weeks, I urge you to take the advice of the school psychologist, and seek other professional help for your son. Prolonged depression can be destructive for human beings of any age, and it is especially dangerous to children.

Q: How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?

A: First, begin talking to your toddlers about their adoption before they can understand the meaning of the words. That way there will never be a moment when disclosure is necessary. To learn of adoption from a neighbor or another family member can be an awful shock to an individual. Don’t risk the devastation of a later discovery by failing to take the sting out of the issue in babyhood.

Second, celebrate two birthdays with equal gusto each year: the anniversary of her birth, and the anniversary of the day she became your daughter. That is a handy mechanism by which the fact of adoption can be introduced. It also provides a way to equalize the status of siblings. Biological children have a psychological advantage, which they sometimes lord over their adopted brother or sister. That one-upmanship is neutralized somewhat when the adopted child gets a second birthday.

Third, present the adoptive event as a tremendous blessing (as implied above) that brought great excitement to the household. Tell about how badly you and your wife wanted a baby to hold even though it looked like you wouldn’t get to raise another boy or girl. Then describe how the news came that “you had arrived,” and how the whole family celebrated and cheered. Let your child know your delight when you first saw him lying in a crib, and how cute he looked in his blue blanket, etc. Tell him that his adoption was one of the happiest days of your life, and how you raced to the telephone to call all your friends and family members to share the fantastic news. (Again, I’m assuming that these details are true.)

This is the point: The child’s interpretation of the adoptive event is almost totally dependent on the manner in which it is conveyed during the early years. Most certainly, one does not want to approach the subject sadly, admitting reluctantly that a dark and troublesome secret must now be confessed.

Fourth, when the foundation has been laid and the issue is defused, forget it. Don’t constantly remind the child of his uniqueness to the point of foolishness. Mention the matter when it is appropriate, but don’t reveal anxiety or tension by constantly throwing adoption in the child’s face. Youngsters are amazingly perceptive at “reading” these thinly disguised attitudes.

I believe it is possible, by following these commonsense suggestions, to raise an adopted child without psychological trauma or personal insult.

James Dobson is chairman of the board for Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home.