Double Take: Teen should consider alt break plans

Wes and Jenny: Three weeks ago we received a question from a 17-year-old girl who had her spring break plans dashed by her parents. The question came too late to be published before spring break. We decided to run it the week after instead, as senior trips will be coming up. Juniors and their parents also may want to get ready for next spring when they may have to tackle this question at home. The reader noted that she would be attending an out of state college in the fall and should be allowed to go with her friends to Panama City for spring break. Her parents declined. She wanted advice on convincing mom and dad to go along with this. Here’s what we said:

Wes: In general, I can understand your parents’ concern. If they happen to catch anything about it on TV or movies, they are aware that spring break is a synonym for RIGHTEOUS PARTIES. Maybe they’ve even seen commercials for “Girls Gone Wild,” and I’m sure they don’t want you to become one of them.

Your point about being almost 18 is a good one, and it is true that nothing is going on in Panama City that isn’t going on in Lawrence. However, the big difference is concentration, and that is at its peak during spring break.

Really, the big issue here is probably more about where you live than how old you are. It sounds like a cliche, but as long as you are under your parents’ roof, they still have a lot of sway in what you can and can’t do. I am not totally against senior trips in small groups. I went on one myself with a friend, though we’d both turned 18 at the time (there are some legal advantages to doing it that way).

However, when the destination is Spring Break Florida, I have to side with your folks. There are plenty of beaches in the country that are not hot spots in March. If you want to convince the parents to go along with this, consider one of these alternatives. They may still balk, but your case is at least stronger.

Also, if your parents have pretty good boundaries, you could let them chaperon. Yes, I heard you groan deeply, but I’ve seen this work. The secret is for parents to treat the situation as lightly supervised, not to follow you around, limit your fun or direct you in any way. In fact, they need to make themselves scarce for most of the time, while being sure you and your friends are not getting into the kinds of trouble they fear most. They can use a daily check-in system, and the normal cell phone contact they might do on a date in Lawrence.

And they should block unwanted camera shots from the “Girls Gone Wild” producers. Your freedom is not far off. Enjoy being taken care of while it lasts. You’ll miss it when it’s gone. E-mail me in three years if I’m wrong.

Jenny: At first, I was inclined to say that, of course, you should go on spring break with your friends. But with later reflection I have changed my mind. You are 17 years old, but this is your last time to be with your parents before you go out into what your parents probably consider a big, bad world. You are still being sheltered under their roof, still eating their cooking when you come home for dinner, and even though your parents may embarrass you at times, you know that deep down in their hearts they love you.

Maybe, as an act of kindness to them as a high school senior, you should consider accepting their wish not to go on vacation to a spring break hot spot with your friends and no chaperon. In less than a year, you will be out of state at a college where you can do virtually anything you want, whenever you want. You won’t have a curfew, parents to ask you where you have been all night or to wake you up to go to class when you sleep through your alarm.

You may feel you are responsible enough to go with your friends to Florida, but consider allowing your parents one more week of resting easy by taking the chaperon option. It’s the least you can do for the people who have bought clothes for you and gas for your car all these years.

We’ve all come across teenage friends who have parents that would say “yes” to pretty much anything. It blows my mind to see the degree of danger this attitude puts their kids in, and it breaks my heart to see people I knew as a child talking now about hard-core drugs and sex as if they are second nature and perfectly natural.

That’s one of the reasons why my position has changed. I hate to sound preachy, but frankly I don’t want to see another person mess up her life without thinking of the consequences first — or dismissing a bit of good logic just because a parent is expressing it.