Proof of cloning's dark side can be found on "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl" (9 p.m., Bravo). As the title implies, this new "Queer" offers life-changing makeover advice to women. Unfortunately, this charmless product extension also foists a whole new Fab Five on unsuspecting viewers. The results are not pretty.
This new Faux Five (including a stylishly grim woman named Honey Labrador) share none of the wit and chemistry of the original crew. They spend too much time trying to act wacky and spontaneous but appear to be playing strictly for the camera, often at the expense of their style-challenged subject. (Did I mention that this new series is shot in and around Hollywood?) The innuendo-laced banter also seems cruder and more forced than on the original.
It doesn't help that the pilot begins in frenzied confusion. We're never introduced to the new players or, for that matter, their first assignment. They simply burst into the woman's messy apartment and start throwing stuff around and making desperately raunchy jokes.
There isn't one funny moment on the hour-long pilot. But it's worth watching just to see how a greedy network can take a good show and churn out something such a dreadfully, thoughtlessly unoriginal copy. It's hideous.
Tonight's other highlights
- Scheduled on "60 Minutes" (7 p.m., CBS): A Ugandan student adjusts to her American prep school.
- Shannon and Boone's secret past is revealed on "Lost" (8 p.m., ABC).
- Doug is forbidden to splash on his manly cologne on "King of Queens" (8 p.m., CBS).
- While in New Hampshire, Josh clashes with Santos (Jimmy Smits) on "The West Wing" (8 p.m., NBC).
- To break a code, Sydney must romance a killer on "Alias" (8 p.m., ABC).
- Rap lyrics may reveal the identity of a hip-hop star's killer on "Law & Order" (9 p.m., NBC).
- A neat freak finds herself "mother" to a spoiled teenage slob on "Wife Swap" (9 p.m., ABC).
Basketball court competitions on "Swimsuit Model Search" (7 p.m., NBC) ... Kelso's crank call on "That '70s Show" (7 p.m., Fox) ... On the bus to Maryland on "The Road to Stardom" (7 p.m., UPN) ... A stolen manuscript on "Smallville" (7 p.m., WB).
Wrestle-mania on "Quintuplets" (7:30 p.m., Fox).
Children only respond to common sense uttered in British accents on "Nanny 911" (8 p.m., Fox).