Tired of television? Curl up with a good book. No, make that a very bad book. The one-hour special "Celebrity Autobiography: In their Own Words" (9 p.m., Bravo) presents actors and comics reading some staggeringly dreadful passages from celebrity tell-alls, confessions and memoirs.
Jay Mohr brings real gusto to the purple prose from David Cassidy's tome. Fred Willard and Cheryl Hines read alternating, and revealing parts from memoirs by Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson, forming a hilariously banal narrative of their first encounter, courtship and break-up. And for objectivity's sake, Andrea Martin reads from a book by Elaine Hall, better known as Burt Reynold's personal assistant.
It's hardly surprising that Sylvester Stallone's literary opus (read by Eugene Pack) focuses on his physique, but we also indulge as Sly ruminates on the contents of his refrigerator. The revelations found in Tommy Lee's "Tommy Land" (Jack Plotnick) are as unprintable as they are inane. Kenny Loggins printed work (as read by Kevin Nealon), offers baffling "poetry" to his beloved, and Ivana Trump (Andrea Martin) compares her family to a popular credit card: She can't leave home without them.
Tonight's other highlights
¢ A normal dad (Tim Allen) is transformed into St. Nick in the 1994 comedy "The Santa Clause" (7 p.m., ABC).
¢ Christmas and Chanukah get processed in a multicultural blender on "The O.C." (7 p.m., Fox).
¢ Tom Cavanaugh ("Ed") stars in the 2004 fantasy "Snow" (7 p.m., Family) as a North Pole employee out to save a reindeer.
¢ Budgetary woes put Christmas on hold on "Everybody Hates Chris" (7 p.m., UPN).
¢ Donald Trump hosts a live two-hour season finale of "The Apprentice" (8 p.m., NBC).
¢ The search for a troubled teen on "Without a Trace" (9 p.m., CBS).
¢ "Anderson Cooper 360" (9 p.m., CNN) reports on the Iraqi elections, live from Baghdad.