Dear Dr. Wes and Marissa: I don’t like my teacher, so I don’t work hard in his class. Beyond the classic parent’s response to such a statement (“what don’t you like …” or “life is like that sometimes …”), where do you go from there?

Marissa: It’s not uncommon for kids to dislike their teachers in school. Many teachers don’t even seem to like kids. It’s puzzling why they chose a profession in which they are with kids every single day. Though your teacher may not brighten your day, his attitude is no excuse for you to do poorly in class.

Not liking your teacher has nothing to do with your academic performance. You should see this as an opportunity to be the best student in the class. There is a sense of triumph that kids can feel when they ace a test that was given by a particularly snooty teacher, and I am sure that you could feel that, too, if you gave yourself the chance.

This class should be viewed as an individual challenge, not only in academics, but for your character as well. You will always run into people you don’t like. Someday it might even be your boss. And while working for them might not always be delightful, if you learn to have patience and not take other people’s attitudes personally, you might be better equipped to handle the situation.

Your parents are right to say that “life is like that sometimes.” No matter where you are in life, there always will be people you don’t like or agree with. If you let these people influence you in such a negative way, it will be hard to succeed at anything. You can’t give up simply because it would be easier to do so.

My advice is to stick it out. You will not have to be with this teacher forever. However, the grade you receive in the class might linger with you permanently. After freshman year, every semester grade you receive will start counting toward your cumulative GPA. A few bad marks can really hold you back. I look back at my math class from ninth grade and cringe. Geometry is the only class I ever received a “C-” in, and I wish I could change it. So keep trying, and you will feel better about yourself in the end than you would if you had allowed yourself to fail.

Dr. Wes: It’s tough to follow Marissa because she said it all so well. First of all, I think you have things a bit out of order here. You’re not being forced to get an education by a dictatorial school system; you’re being offered one which, for the last time in your life, comes at no cost to you. Your job is to sort through all the crap and find the cool gift of learning that is waiting inside.

I was not always so clever about this myself. In fact, I hated school at your age. I left the big city in sixth grade and spent the rest of my school years in a small town where everyone knew everyone from the day they were born. It was not an easy place be happy about school or to get a good education. My rebel friend and I used to refer to school as the “indoctrination center,” intended to churn out mental clones of those in authority.

My junior high science teacher spent 80 percent of class time regaling us with his amazing exploits as the girl’s high school basketball coach. My math teacher’s primary profession was sheep farming – a fine trade, but also a distraction from teaching, which he did very little of. My junior high English teacher did things I can’t print, and my social studies teacher had a yearly ritual of spanking everyone in the class to elevate them to “Spartans” in our Greek history unit. I am not making this up.

However, through all this, I realized something: You must never let other people’s shortcomings make you mediocre. You are not a puppet. You are in charge of your education. Find the good teachers. There are some amazing ones in this town. Make their classes the focus of your day. My history and government teachers were cool, as was my art teacher. My biology teacher helped me get back some of what I’d missed in Girls Basketball 101. It was easier to go to the awful classes because I could focus on the good ones.

I also learned to turn bad classes into a test of wills – kind of like academic chicken. Teachers would try to deny me an education, and I would force them to give me the best one possible. I would make them to explain things to me. I would write better papers than they asked for so I could educate them on things they didn’t seem to understand. I would ask very good questions that would make them look up the answers and rethink their teaching. Sometimes this gained me their respect; sometimes it just annoyed them.

In the end, I was the winner because I not only graduated, but I also learned. Marissa is correct. If you do it right, you’ll get a great ego boost by proving that you can learn when nobody is teaching. However, you must be careful not to appear arrogant, because that ultimately loses the battle for you.

Aside from my parents, the most influential people in my life have been teachers. My mother was a teacher, as is my wife. Some, like my fifth-grade teacher, two high school English teachers and several of my college professors, inspired me to become who I am today: an author and a therapist. Others influenced me with their ignorance, poor character and lack of love for learning or teaching. They taught me what NOT to be.

This makes school pretty much like life: Some folks you want to hang out with and be like, and some you don’t. Your job is to find as many of those in the first category, love them a lot and learn all you can. For the others, make them teach you.

Your education is sacred.

Next week: Bullying in the junior high and high school. Are our kids feeling less secure?

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Marissa Ballard is a Lawrence High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.