Dr. Wes: Double Take came out of a discussion with Jenny Kane about the need for parents and teenagers to have a forum to share ideas and advice. Interestingly, there are many magazines for teenagers, and many for the parents of children, but none for the parents of teens. We thought this would be an opportunity to put that dialogue in print. I am surprised when I Google this column to see that it appears on Web pages around the world – some agreeing with us, some just posting, and some calling us strange words in foreign tongues that we fortunately do not understand. But it appears that we’re being read, and for that we are grateful. This week brings Jenny’s last column. (Her replacement, Lawrence High School senior Marissa Ballard, starts two weeks from today.) In appreciation, I wanted to yield my space to Jenny for whatever topic she thought most relevant to teenagers and their parents. I also want to wish her the best of times at Western Kentucky University. She will be missed.

Jenny: As a photographer at Free State High School, I have seen high school through the eye of a lens. I watched as people rose to be their best and others fell to their worst. I was there to capture the basketball team winning yet another game, and to see classmates grow and change – for good and bad. I saw it as my duty to the yearbook staff to remind my classmates of their joy, even though most will not understand for 10 years the importance of having a book that you can use to look back and remember. But the yearbook could not adequately capture the tears, the self-destructive behavior and the mistakes we’ve each made along the way. I hope that the photos and my writings will help us remember the good times and learn from the bad.

I have lost friendships because of the decisions others made about drugs, and I have lost other friendships because I was too selfish to let them be happy. I lost my best friend – one I had throughout my hellish time in junior high – because I thought I knew what was best for her and I forced her to make a choice. I learned then that you shouldn’t make others choose between love and friendship, and most importantly no matter how hard it may be at times, you have to let friends do what they feel is right. You can stay by their side and be their shoulder to cry on, but you have to let them learn.

I moved here from Kansas City in seventh grade. I though it was going to be a fresh start. I could leave my childhood mistakes behind. But those mistakes followed me because I didn’t realize that it’s not where you go, and no matter how many miles you are away from where you used to live, it doesn’t change you. Only you can change yourself. I am now leaving for college, and I have leaned I will be the same core person wherever I may go. I will change and grow, but I will take with me the experiences that have made me who I am so far.

I also will know who my true friends are when I leave because they are the ones that are willing to take time out of their busy schedule just to drop in. They are the ones who will truly matter, who will call you up on your birthday and sing you a tune even though you both know they can’t sing. They are the ones who will have your back no matter what stupid mistake you make. Like so many others, I have made it through adolescence because I was able to find those true friends. My less fortunate relationships were started because I wasn’t able to be that kind of a person to others; wasn’t ready to just be myself and accept the fact that there are others out there who will accept me. Too often I put up with friends being mean to one another and to me and watched friendships ripped apart by a few unkind words. For a while, I kept friends who weren’t truly accepting, weren’t truly trusting or trustworthy.

Those of you who are true friends to others in junior high and high school are to be thanked. Everyone in high school or in junior high has had that feeling of wanting to crawl up in a ball and disappear, and I found the main thing that teens wished for during that period in their lives was to have someone to talk to, and someone to really be there for them. So I urge you to reach out and be a true friend to someone. Just listen to them; sometimes it is all that a person needs.

I think the other error I made at times was one that so many girls my age make: trying to make people like me by being someone I was not. I made my life seem as if I was a ditzy girl because I thought people couldn’t accept me for who I was. They could make fun of the person I pretended to be, and that was fine because it wasn’t really me. But after a time I BECAME that ditz, and it took a girl in my American lit class to show me who I was again. She looked inside me and for some reason saw who I was, not who I was pretending to be. Ever since then I’ve been trying to look that way at others, and I’ve found some pretty interesting people. It was hard at first because I was the ditzy blond ex-cheerleader, and they were geeky gamers who hadn’t been out in the light for what looked like at least a couple of years. But I learned a lot from them, and now I am slowly but surely getting over my ideas about what people are supposed to be like and accepting them for who they really are. My friends opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I will miss them.

Finally, I will miss Lawrence and all it has taught me. I will miss the random protests, the walks downtown. The community has taught me to be myself, and for that I am forever grateful. My friends have taught me how to see things through others’ eyes. Teachers have taught me that I have to work hard if I want to be someone someday. The Journal-World has allowed me to write this column in an attempt to help people.

Thank you. I will miss you all when I am in Kentucky. Don’t forget to be who you are and that a good friendship is never something to waste.

Two weeks from now: Marissa Ballard joins Double Take for a discussion on the finer points of communicating with teens.