Seniors don’t have to put sex life on shelf

Imagination, communication can help relationships thrive as partners age

As Confucius observed, when people are fed and clothed, they think about sex.

Then a lot of them do it: 240 million a day, according to “The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior.” That means one out of every 25 people on the face of the Earth either had sex already or is going to have it later today.

And getting older isn’t going to stop them.

Almost half of Americans 60 and older are sexually active, according to a survey by the National Council on Aging. Sixty percent of people ages 45 to 59 have sex at least once a week, and 40 percent of people 60 and older say they want more.

Research says there’s no reason they can’t have it. Sex helps keep you healthy – married people have more of it and live longer – and being healthy helps keep you sexually active.

Sure, aging brings change: menopause for women, which means lower levels of hormones responsible for libido and lubrication. For men, factors such as circulation, stress and sleep can sabotage lovemaking by affecting the strength and staying power of erections.

The experts agree: Sex after 50 can be the best sex of your life. Here are some strategies for making it as great as it can be, and keeping it that way.

The key to great sex later in life is communication, but talking about it can be awkward, especially if you’ve spent years in a sexual relationship that was all action and few words.

Psychologist-sex therapist Deborah Nedelman and her business partner, Leah Kliger, are co-owners of Women Beyond 50, a company that studies women’s sexuality after 50. They offer these tips for starting the conversation:

l Recognize that this is not a one-time conversation; you’re just opening up the topic so that it can become comfortable to talk about over time. Know that your level of desire will ebb and flow over time – you want your partner to understand that, too. Be realistic, not idealistic. And, above all, keep your sense of humor.

l Pick a time when you’re both relaxed. Many couples have found that having a conversation about their sexual desire when they’re in bed makes the topic too loaded and more difficult. Consider an alternative surrounding, such as over a glass of wine, or while taking an after-dinner stroll.

l Many people express concern about hurting their partners’ feelings if they talk about the changes in their own sexual desire. The fear is that partners will blame themselves for any decrease in passion. Reassuring your partner about your feelings can be a buffer against hurt.