Well, I’m flyin’ ‘cross the land,

Tryin’ to get a hand,

Playin’ in a travelin’ band

Plane flights and stadium gigs are rare luxuries for most Lawrence bands.

But local acts trying to make a name for themselves nationally are equally familiar with the frenetic world of touring. The casual music fan might be shocked to learn just how many area bands go on the road, how frequently they travel and what exotic locales they visit.

Sure, this usually involves riding in vans instead of jets, sleeping on a friend’s floor instead of the Four Seasons, and eating at Taco Bell instead of Spago. Because they don’t possess a rock star’s bank account, local artists are forced to be more careful and resourceful when booking a tour.

We’ve gathered a panel of Lawrence experts — seasoned musicians and industry insiders — to dispense no-nonsense advice on what to do and not do when playing in a travelin’ band.

Hitting the road

“I always joke with local bands that I hope I never see you,” concert promoter Jacki Becker says. “If I rarely see you, that means you’re out on tour a lot, and that’s good.”

While it’s unfeasible to try and gauge how many Lawrence bands hit the road, it’s a sizable number — especially among those who have some kind of nationally distributed CD.

“If you’re a local band that wants to become a national band, touring is essential,” Kelpie drummer John Momberg says.

Momberg’s indie-rock quartet recently traversed the West Coast, culminating in multiple shows around Los Angeles. He believes it’s important that fledgling acts take a hands-on approach to their first tours, in terms of booking the gigs and dealing with the day-to-day chores that arise.

“I’m not going to hold it against a band for getting signed right off the bat, never having done anything themselves,” he says. “But there’s some character that you build doing all this stuff yourself.”

What to bring

“Touring is a lot like going on a camping trip,” Machine Management owner Dean Edington says.

The road veteran just returned Monday from accompanying Lawrence’s The Esoteric on a three-week tour that stretched from Tennessee to Florida to Massachusetts.

Audio clips from local musicians Edwin Morales, musician and concert promoter, tells his worst road story J. Wallace Cochran of Drakkar Sauna tells his worst road story Ryan Pope of The Get Up Kids and Koufax tells his worst road story

“You put a checklist together of stuff you need to bring with you — like deodorant,” he says. “You don’t want to head out unprepared, like throwing a bunch of clothes in a bag and taking your guitar and saying, ‘I’m ready to go!'”

Most musicians — even bass players — are smart enough to know to pack items like guitar strings, drum heads, 9-volt batteries and prophylactics. But there are other things first-timers might not think about.

One of the panelists suggests toting “vitamins and anti-bacterials” because getting sick could turn the purgatory of a long van ride into hell. Another raves about the invention of the iPod, a great way to “go on headphones and zone out” as a means of instant privacy in a claustrophobic environment.

“I like to buy as many packages of new socks as possible,” Momberg mentions. “You don’t get to clean your clothes very often or take showers very often, but I can at least appreciate a new pair of socks every day.”

Drakkar Sauna frontman J. Wallace Cochran says, “I wouldn’t NORMALLY take any advice from me, but take a pillow. You can usually scrounge up something to put over you when you’re cold. But something to rest your head on is tough to come by, since you’ll be sleeping on floors and whatnot.”

Who to bring

Few artists can afford a Jennifer Lopez-type posse of hairdressers and body-tweakers, so it’s crucial to streamline the operation when trekking about.

“As you get larger, a sound engineer who can also tour manage is a great option,” Becker says. “But initially bring a friend who can count money and stay awake and drive.”

The panel unanimously agrees a utility player is more valuable than a star position player.

“Obviously someone who has a little experience at everything is ideal,” Edington says. “You want somebody who can sell merch, deal with the cash and be trusted. You don’t need a guitar tech.”

Edwin Morales, a talent buyer/concert promoter for Downplay Productions.

He adds, “Whoever comes with you should always be ready to drive. After you’re done rocking, the last thing you want to do is drive seven hours. A lot of people think, ‘We got to take our sound guy with us.’ Well, if you’re a small band and playing 250- 300-seat rooms, you don’t need to bring a sound guy. There’s not much you can do with a Replay-style room with just a vocal PA. You’re probably going to sound like (expletive) anyway.”

Koufax drummer Ryan Pope echoes the statement.

“You want someone who will stay sober and drive,” says Pope, whose rock trio departs next week for a month in central Europe. “If you don’t GET to the shows, a sound guy can’t really do anything.”

Pampering the vehicle

Whether it’s a Grand Marquis or an Econoline van, musicians rely on their trusty mode of transportation. And like most machines, these can go “Terminator” on a person at any instant.

“It’s all about AAA,” say Edwin Morales, a hip-hop talent buyer/concert promoter.

The venerable emergency roadside service can assist with towing, battery jumps, flat tire changes, running out of gas or getting locked out — often the difference between making or missing a gig.

“Another thing that bands tend not to do is get their vehicle ready for the road,” says Morales. “A lot of people think that because it hasn’t gone out on them in town it will make it across the West Coast.”

Pope envisions this scenario as a common one: “They’ll get in their beat-up van that hasn’t had a tune-up or an oil change in years. Then they go out there with maybe $1,000 they’ve saved up. They start getting hotel rooms, but shows start falling through on the road. They’re getting paid in beer or not getting paid at all. Then the transmission goes out. All the sudden they’re broke and having to call mommy and daddy and get ‘Greyhounded’ home. I’ve seen that happen a lot.”

What to avoid

What’s the biggest mistake bands make when going on tour?

The answers are varied within the panel.

Becker claims it’s “taking all their friends’ bands with them.” She explains it’s better to hitch up with local bands in an unfamiliar region and play in the middle of the bill, thus appealing more to resident fans.

She also says bad timing can bury a new group in the pack.

“Don’t try and book your shows in April and October when EVERY touring band is going out across the country,” she says. “Book your tour in January or December when there’s nobody touring. You’re going to get more press from the regional papers or college radio stations, and you’ll get a better chance to get a show.”

Rob Pope, Ryan Pope and Robert Suchan of Koufax.

“The main problem is being wasteful,” Edington says. “They think, ‘We need to stay in a hotel room tonight.’ You’re never going to make any money on tour if you’re staying in hotel rooms. We’re like, ‘We’ve got seven hours until load-in. Where’s the nearest Target?’ We post up in their lot and sleep for a couple hours. Then we shave in their bathrooms in the morning.”

Pope — who has performed in places as far-flung as Japan and Croatia — says sometimes those met along the journey pose the likeliest threat.

“The biggest mistake is not screening people before staying at their houses,” Pope explains. “That’s a big no-no. We’ve gotten burned that way many times.

“For instance, we needed a place to crash. This girl was like, ‘Yeah, come stay at my house. I’ll get a case of beer. You can all have beds.’ We show up, and she has a six pack of beer and one piece of furniture in her entire apartment. Then the kicker is her (jealous) boyfriend shows up and starts punching holes in the wall.”