Everything you wanted to know about Nebraska's stunning 70-10 football loss Saturday at Texas Tech, but were too caught up in Kansas University's supremely satisfying victory over Kansas State to ask:
Can we send care packages to our neighbors to the north?
Yes. State emergency officials report extreme shortages of facial tissues after an unprecedented run on the paper hankies Saturday night and Sunday. You can send Kleenex tissues and other brands anywhere in Nebraska in care of the Big Red Cross.
Who is Nebraska quarterback Beau Davis?
He's a freshman from Venice, Calif., who looked like a gondola in a hurricane while throwing four interceptions in the second half. Davis replaced starter Joe Dailey, aka The Human Turnover.
How are Nebraskans rationalizing the defeat?
They've found a silver lining by reminding themselves how much money they'll save because they won't be following the Huskers to a bowl game for the first time since the team's nickname was the Bugeaters.
Did Saturday's loss rule out any chance the Huskers will earn a bowl bid?
Right now, the only postseason bowl interested in Nebraska is the Humanitarian, and that's only for humanitarian reasons.
Was the Red Raiders' lopsided victory the best thing that ever has happened in Lubbock, Texas?
No, the best thing that ever happened in Lubbock still hasn't happened yet ... unless you're a rock and roll fan and you consider the Buddy Holly statue a shrine, or if you think Bob Knight is the greatest thing since puffy tacos.
How do Nebraskans feel about first-year coach Bill Callahan's West Coast Offense?
After witnessing 23 turnovers, including 16 interceptions, in the first five games, most Cornhusker fans wish the West Coast Offense would fall into the ocean. They're referring to it with such sarcastic terms as the West Toast Offense, the French Roast Offense and the Barry Collier Offense.
How's Lil' Red, the Cornhuskers puffy, roly-poly, jolly mascot taking it?
Lil' Red reportedly has offered to play on the Huskers' offensive line.
Who had the biggest laugh Saturday?
Probably Bo Pelini, Nebraska's defensive coordinator last year and later interim head coach. Pelini was a fan favorite to replace the dismissed Frank Solich, but athletic director Steve Pederson opted for Callahan instead. Spurned, Pelini hooked on as defensive coordinator at Oklahoma. On the same day Tech flogged the Huskers, Pelini's OU defense handed Texas its first shutout since 1980.
Whatever happened to Frank Solich?
He's sitting this season out in Lincoln. Solich, incidentally, turned down the Army job that later went to Bobby Ross. Curiously, on the day Nebraska suffered its worst loss in history, Army defeated Cincinnati to halt the nation's longest losing streak at 19 games.
Now that Nebraska's tradition-rich program is on the skids, is NU's ongoing record of nearly 270 consecutive sellouts in danger?
With bedraggled Baylor coming Saturday to Lincoln, there very well could be empty seats at NU's Memorial Stadium. In fact, there might be more people at the Nebraska Furniture Mart.
Can Nebraska still field a football team the Cornhuskers' volleyball team can be proud of?
Maybe, maybe not. Baylor is the only gimme the Huskers have left. I don't see them knocking off Missouri in Lincoln, although they may have a chance against Colorado in their home finale. Nebraska has road games remaining at Kansas State, Iowa State and Oklahoma. The Huskers aren't likely to escape with a victory in Manhattan, and they could be humiliated in Norman, Okla. At least they'll have a chance in Ames, Iowa.