How can people with different views find common ground?

Authentic relationships are key to bridging differences

The Rev. Judy Long O’Neal, pastor, Centenary United Methodist Church, 245 N. Fourth St.; co-director, Martha and Mary’s Way, a Lawrence-based women’s interfaith network:

Relationship, relationship, relationship.

The key to the discovery of common ground is the development of authentic relationship. The initiation, building and preservation of this relationship requires each party involved to be genuinely interested in the experiences and views of the other. Without a primary commitment to the relationship and sincere respect for one another, any pursuit of common ground is inauthentic.

In 2002, Margaret Wheatley published a wonderful commentary on the power of human relationship. In her text, “Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future,” she exposes the options we have when we find ourselves in the midst of conflict, horror and suffering. She states: “We can turn away, or we can turn toward. Those are the only choices we have.”

We hear so often of situations in which people have been divided by bias and misunderstanding until they are thrust together, unexpectedly, into a common concern. We also hear (if we are willing to listen) of people whose personal opinions and biases are shattered when they discover that a person for whom they care deeply actually represents that which they fear and condemn. We have a chance, in our search for common ground, if relationships are more important than opinions.

That’s no small task. And it’s holy work.

Again, in the words of Wheatley, “In the English language, the word for ‘health’ comes from the same root as the word for ‘whole.’ We can’t be healthy if we’re not in relationship. And ‘whole’ is from the same root as ‘holy.'”

Send e-mail to JLongoneal@aol.com.

People need to see commonalities before differences

The Rev. Darlene Strickland, pastor, Unity Church of Lawrence, 900 Madeline Lane:

How to find common ground, first and foremost, requires willingness: willingness to shift the primary focus away from the perceived differences, and instead intentionally focus on commonalties.

The willingness to finding common ground also requires an opening of the heart and mind. It is possible, and I believe essential, to hold solid convictions AND hold the capacity to hear and tolerate differing beliefs — without feeling threatened or diminished.

I was blessed to witness this in our community this week at the Interfaith Thanksgiving Service. Representatives from 15 denominations and faith traditions came together to celebrate Thanksgiving and donate food to local shelters.

The common denominator that evening was gratitude. As each person shared, it was easy to see our commonalties. We share one world, and in our own way, we seek to live well and make a positive difference.

To live well requires us to live well together. We can easily recognize that fear and hatred ultimately lead to the destruction of our self and our community. Conversely, love and respect of self and others leads to security and strength through unity.

Martin Luther King Jr. gave us a key to finding common ground when he shared these words: “We are afraid of each other because we don’t understand one another; we don’t understand one another because we can’t communicate with each other.”

Perhaps the time has come for us to build bridges through constructive communication. Perhaps the time has come for us to own our fear and prejudices, seeking to heal them. Perhaps the time has come for us to willingly and openly love our neighbors and ourselves.

Send e-mail to revdarlene@unityoflawrence.org.