David Letterman’s “Late Show” periodically features “stupid pet tricks,” most of which don’t come even close to the doltery of some so-called sideline reporters.

The ultimate in foolishness came during the Sugar Bowl. Some nut case named Jack Arute ran alongside Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops and tried to ask him questions as the coach and his team ran onto the field before the game. Arute was breathless, the coach enjoyed responding about as much as he’d relish a brain tumor; it was a ridiculous scene with nobody getting anything meaningful, particularly the TV viewers.

Then there are those halftime intrusions as coaches leave the field, having to cope with some throat with a microphone.

It’s all part of the trendy effort to put people where it appears they can immediately get inside information — except they don’t. What happens is that there’s an assembly of video nitwits more interested in creating news than in reporting or analyzing it. How about just covering the games well?

Women shoved into such situations are not always there because they are competent. Generally they’ve spent most of the day getting their hair fixed so they can “play pretty for the people.” I’m assuming the hair and makeup are done after they have donned those tight-fitting tops cut down to the navel. Their voices don’t carry and they sound like sorority girls auditioning for the Rock Chalk Revue.

Meanwhile, male sideliners do things like riding a mascot’s motorcycle, wearing oddball outfits or mingling with the most obnoxious showoffs in the crowd. It’s reporting-show biz at its worst and the mindless Arute caper amounted to a pinnacle of debacle.

Used properly, sideline reporters, like Kansas University football networker David Lawrence, can add a lot to a broadcast. David is an ex-gridder of note, does his homework and isn’t there to call attention to himself. He works hard and capably at getting material to blend with the offerings of Bob Davis and Max Falkenstien. The listener is better off for it.

Television keeps toying with the Jack Arutes, some tall, blond clown who likes to show his suspenders, the Bonnie Bernsteins, Lynn Swanns, Lisa Guerreros, Dennis Millers, Rush Limbaughs and other booth and field “analysts” who more often than not wouldn’t be good animal acts on the Letterman show.

If sideshows are their aim, ABC is out of its gourd for not getting former Jayhawk and Redskin John Riggins as its Monday night analyst-color man. He’s the closest thing I’ve seen to Dandy Don Meredith.

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Speaking of “sports” trends, I perused four area sports pages one recent morning and found myself wondering where the actual sports coverage was hidden. You know, who played, who won, who lost, meaningful statistics, who’s playing next?

I learned Kobe Bryant was booed heavily at Denver for his sexual peccadilloes; that Kansas State quarterback Ell Roberson may not be charged in that costly Arizona bedroom escapade; that the insufferable Pete Rose was shadow-boxing again and actually apologized for raining on the Hall of Fame parade of Dennis Eckersley and Paul Molitor. Rose knows no shame. He came up with a confession of convenience to serve himself.

The BCS still was trying to tweak some sense into its football follies; the death penalty is being sought in the slaying of a baseballer; some more NBA guys will have to pay fines and serve suspensions for fighting; another NBA fellow failed to meet his drug rehab commitment; a noted sprinter is suspended for doping; there are new fears of gambling tainting college athletes; North Carolina basketeer Rashad McCants continues to pose problems for coach Roy Williams, causing an emotional Roy to respond: ” … To say we’re a bunch of spoiled brats is not right”; speculation on the power struggle Joe Gibbs faces in his return as Redskin football coach; more substance abuse and drug troubles; anger management courses for jocks; the anniversary of the Nancy Kerrigan-Tonya Harding ice skating hit job.

And that’s just one day of robbery from the people in athletics who behave and perform with class.

As for Kobe Bryant’s consensual-or-not caper with that gal in Colorado, he’ll bear a big cross for a long time. Apologists are now saying they hope KSU’s Roberson isn’t remembered for the bowl game foulup rather than for his great Wildcat career.

Baloney! Here’s K-State poised on the verge of the biggest game in its football history with a great chance to win. Roberson selfishly winds up in dark a hotel room with a former athletic tutor. She says she said no; oddly, Ell disagrees. He really cheated K-State. That’s gonna be his legacy, like it or not.

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In the Washington Redskin finagling that returns Joe Gibbs as coach and president, where will former Kansas University coach Pepper Rodgers wind up? He’s vice president in charge of football operations and is tight with owner Dan Snyder. Will Pepper land on his feet again after the coaching failures of Marty Schottenheimer and Steve Spurrier?

Pep’s a charmer. He’s capable of convincing Gibbs and Snyder he’s needed and can contribute a lot. A guy with Pepper’s background, skills, humor, lilt and brains will always fare well somewhere.