Should parents decide on their children’s faith, or just leave it up to them?

Children need freedom to choose

The Rev. Judy Long O’Neal, pastor, Centenary United Methodist Church, 415 N. Fourth St.; and co-director, Martha & Mary’s Way, a Lawrence ministry to women:

As a parent it is my responsibility to care for my children until they are able to care for themselves. This care is multidimensional; it includes teaching them what it means to be healthy and whole — in body, mind and spirit. It is the spiritual dimension of my children’s lives that will give meaning to their pivotal experiences, whether those be successful and celebratory or agonizing and profoundly painful. It is spiritual well-being that will provide my children the greatest potential for healthy relationships — with themselves, with others, with the environment and with God.

I am one of many teachers in my children’s lives. In the same way that their physical bodies need the care of healthcare professionals, coaches, cooks, and teachers, their spiritual lives need mentors, guides, ministers and sages. In the same way that their intellects need instruction, advice, challenge, and guidance, their spiritual lives need reinforcement, companionship and support. Accompanied by a community of faith, my children and I share this spiritual journey. Most naturally, I involve them in my own faith community. The community and I are responsible for exposing them to the central stories, traditions and Scripture of our faith tradition. Together we are responsible for providing them a framework for their self-understanding and the development of their beliefs. Together we are responsible for insuring them a safe place for their questions and struggles.

However, the questions, the struggles, and the beliefs are their own. If I expect the freedom to pursue, express and practice my own beliefs, I must provide my children the freedom to do the same.

Mixing two faiths for child is mistake

Rabbi Scott White, spiritual leader, Lawrence Jewish Community Center, 917 Highland Drive:

Deuteronomy chapter six contains the famous injunction, “Thou shalt teach them unto thy children,” referring to faith in God, practice of the commandments and affinity with the Jewish people. Ritual circumcision of males on the eighth day attests to the centrality of this injunction; the site of the procedure brings to mind the infant’s future offspring.

When both parents are committed Jews, choosing Judaism (alone) for the children is reflexive. But that’s not necessarily the case for the now half of all American Jews who marry outside their faith. Some mixed marrieds raise their children in two faiths — one for each parent — then allow them to make a choice later, usually at maturity. I happen to believe that’s a serious mistake.

Among the students at the synagogue where I once served was a bright 10-year old. On Wednesday afternoons she attended our Hebrew school, and on Sunday mornings she attended church school. One day, I happened to be in her synagogue school classroom while her teacher was discussing the Israelites’ Exodus from Egypt. Describing how the Egyptians had their ancestors pinned against the Red Sea, the teacher asked the students to explain what happened next. This beautiful child raised her hand and answered, in all seriousness, “I know. Jesus walked on water.”

Worse than confusing, raising children in more than one religious tradition, then later asking them to choose, is like asking them to choose between parents. This might sound crazy, but I believe that if parents can’t agree on a single religious faith in which to rear their children, they might actually be better off choosing none.

Send e-mail to Rabbi Scott White at rabbi@sunflower.com.