In Lawrence, the Coalition to Honor End-of-Life Choices is trying to give people the tools they need to define, as best as possible, their final days and hours.

It’s not easy.

“The most important thing for family members to do is sit down and talk about end-of-life issues and how, when the situation presents itself, each person would want to die,” coalition chairwoman Julie Prideaux said. “But, of course, the one thing people don’t want to talk about is dying.”

Donna Bales, executive director of the Kansas LIFE Project, suggests these conversation-starters:

• What do “quality of life,” “heroic measures” and “dying with dignity” mean to you?
• What kind of care would you want if you were unable to speak for yourself? What are your hopes and fears about the medical treatments you might or might not receive?
• What makes life worth living or, conversely, not worth living?

“It sounds morbid, I know,” Bales said. “But there is no greater gift you can give your family than letting them know what kind of end-of-life care you want, so that when the time comes, they’ll know they’re doing what you want them to do.”

Bales said she had lost count of the calls from families torn apart by disagreements about end-of-life decisions.

Death may be inevitable, but pain not Kansas LIFE Project

“No parent wants that (for their surviving children), but it’s the risk we take when these things don’t get talked about,” she said.

Also critical, Bales said, are living wills and the designation of a durable power of attorney for health care decisions.

“A durable power of attorney for health care decisions takes effect anytime the affected person cannot speak for themselves,” Bales said. “A living will only takes effect if two doctors agree the individual’s condition is terminal.

“It’s great to have both, but we focus on durable power for health care decisions. Of the two, it’s the more important.”

A free “Consumers’ Tool Kit for Health Care Advanced Planning” is available on Kansas LIFE Project’s Web site at www.lifeproject.org/home.htm.

Prideaux also has living-will and durable-power-of-attorney forms. She can be reached at 842-3627 or (800) 491-3691.

“I also have workbooks that will walk them through the process,” Prideaux said.

Living wills and durable-power-of-attorney designations can be done without a lawyer.