The winter holiday season isn’t always easy for interfaith families. Here are some tips to help those who find themselves struggling to remain true to the religions of both parents:

Share childhood holiday memories. When partners understand the significance of activities and symbolic objects, greater openness and creative ideas for incorporating the meaning in holiday observances may emerge.

Communicate the real spirit of the holidays. Families can select charities or organizations and make a donation rather than buy extra gifts. Volunteering to help others in need teaches children about the value of social action rather than materialism.

Recognize each partner’s needs and work out ways to meet them. One parent may wish to honor his or her heritage by having a holiday symbol at home or visiting extended family. Denying this need will breed resentment, whereas negotiating an acceptable plan recognizes the partner’s need.

Keep the focus on the children’s needs. Although parents’ needs are important, they should not overshadow those of the children.

Try using the analogy of a birthday party when both holidays are observed and children are being raised in one religion. Children can understand that everyone wants other people to share a birthday celebration. Parents can use this common experience to explain that the family is helping mom or dad celebrate her or his holiday so it will be fun and not lonely, just like going to someone else’s birthday party. It can be fun to share even if it’s not your birthday!

When possible, celebrate holidays with extended family. Grandparents in particular wish to share holiday traditions with their grandchildren. Even when children are not being raised in the grandparents’ religion, family celebrations can be avenues for relating, creating valued memories, and passing on traditions. Regardless of the specific holiday plans, “family togetherness” can result when the themes of inclusiveness and sharing overshadow those of competition and control.

Traditional Hanukkah gifts include gelt, gold covered chocolate coins and dreidels.

Work as partners to develop new family traditions. Although it is easier to let others make the plans and do the work, creating ways to celebrate aspects of the holidays unites the family and avoids observing holidays vicariously through the grandparents.

Avoid making a competition out of the holidays. Parents who use presents to show children how wonderful “their” holiday is sending the message it is better to identify with the religion associated with the most gifts.

Help children understand they can enjoy Christmas and Hanukkah activities without betraying either parent or their religious upbringing. At the same time, use holidays to reinforce children’s religious identity. Even children ask each other, “Are you Christmas or Hanukkah?” Children want to be able to have a holiday of their own. If the family celebrates both, help children answer questions with responses such as, “We have Hanukkah at home and visit my grandparents for Christmas” or “We do something for both Christmas and Hanukkah because my mom (or dad) is Christian (or grew up Catholic or Protestant, etc.) and my dad (or mom) is Jewish.”

Celebrating Jewish, Christian holidays honors family’s past (12-11-04) www.beliefnet.com

Source:www.beliefnet.com.