Carmin Ross taught others about nonviolence, but she died violently — possibly by stabbing, judging by detectives’ questions to a baby sitter who was one of the last people to see her alive.

“They kept asking me about knives and utensils,” baby sitter Kristen Kinsch said in an interview Tuesday. “They kept asking me if there was a knife block on the counter.”

Kinsch baby-sat Ross’ 4-year-old daughter Tuesday, Nov. 11, and said she didn’t remember much unusual about it, other than Ross’ daughter asking, “Mommy, when’s Daddy going to be here?”

That Friday, deputies found Ross dead inside her home at 1860 E. 1150 Road northwest of Lawrence. They later searched the Manhattan home of Ross’ ex-husband, Kansas State University English professor Thomas E. Murray, whom she divorced this summer.

But nearly two weeks after the discovery of the body, the crime remains unsolved and sheriff’s officials — wary of releasing facts they feel might harm the ongoing investigation — still have not said how they think Ross died or whether there are any suspects. Sheriff Rick Trapp has said only that it was a crime of violence.

‘Lover of life’

That’s a tragic end for a domestic-conflict mediator who believed in peace and nonviolence, acquaintances say.

“If you can picture the type of person that would teach nonviolence, that would be her … a person who doesn’t promote confrontation in any way,” said Anne Cowan, a board member of the anti-war group Manhattan Alliance for Peace and Justice, to which Ross belonged.

Ross had lived since August near Lakeview Lake in a spacious home with pumpkins on the front porch and children’s play equipment outside.

Carmin Ross, a homicide victim found Nov. 11 at her rural Lawrence home, sits with children at her daughter's day care. The photo is part of a collage the day care made in her memory.

Kinsch, the baby sitter, said detectives asked her to recall details about the inside of the home, including furniture arrangement, the color of bathroom towels and whether any love letters were lying around.

Kinsch said she had been losing sleep trying to remember whether there were signs of anything unusual that day. Ross told Kinsch of a meeting that day — Kinsch didn’t ask what kind of meeting — and told her she wanted her to baby-sit as many Tuesday afternoons as possible.

“She didn’t really seem upset, but she kind of seemed a little bit stressed and kind of fragile,” Kinsch said. “She seemed like she was rushing.”

People at Lawrence Community Nursery School, where Ross’ daughter, Ciara, went to preschool, knew Ross as an active, involved mother.

Ross, a yoga instructor, had planned to go to the school to teach children basic yoga moves, said preschool director Stephanie Duncan. Ross also went trick-or-treating with the children on Halloween, dressed in a feather mask.

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A construction-paper memorial hanging on the school’s wall describes Ross as “a devoted mother to Ciara … a lover of life … our friend forever.”

Balancing work, family

“You know when you can just tell that somebody has a big heart and is a really good person?” said Kinsch, who baby-sat Ross’ daughter only that one time. “She just seemed very honest and nice, like somebody you could come to if you needed anything.”

It appears that by moving from Manhattan to rural Douglas County, Ross may have been practicing what she preached: She and a friend taught a 1999 workshop at K-State about balancing work and family life.

“She had mentioned that she was a lawyer and that she had done mediation. She currently wasn’t working at all because she wanted to stay home with her daughter through the divorce,” said Leslie VonHolten, parent of a child who attends the community nursery school. “We were mutually talking about how tight finances can be when you have little ones.”

Ross’ obituary, printed during the weekend in a newspaper in her home state of Indiana, described her as a “self-employed mediator and healer.”

Teaching nonviolence

This spring, Ross led a workshop teaching anti-war protesters in Manhattan about how to respond to confrontations they might encounter on the street during regular demonstrations, in which she sometimes participated.

“I said something about, if threatened maybe sometimes it would be better to say ‘Go ahead and hit me,'” said group member Charlie Perkins, a professor emeritus at K-State. “She responded to me that it might be, but she would never ask anybody to do that.”

Ross and her ex-husband had joint custody of their daughter. Thomas Murray has declined comment except to say that he’s going through the saddest moment of his life. Though law enforcement reports have referred to “Carmin Ross-Murray,” legal records indicate she dropped “Murray” after the divorce.

Ross was engaged to marry a man identified in her obituary as Larry Lima, of San Diego. He couldn’t be reached Tuesday for comment. Lima’s concern that he couldn’t reach Ross by telephone led him to alert authorities, who in turn found Ross’ body.

Ross’ daughter was staying with family members at the time of the killing, officials have said. Lt. Kenny Massey, a sheriff’s spokesmen, said he knows the girl’s whereabouts and that she’s in safe hands, but he wouldn’t elaborate.

Detectives still are making the investigation their top priority, Trapp said.

There will be a memorial service for Ross this morning at First Congregational Church in Manhattan.