Dear Annie: I have been married to “Tom” for 20 years. However, I also have been attracted to Tom’s older brother, “Victor,” since the first day I met him.

I have hidden this attraction carefully. The problem is, after Tom and I had been married for 10 years, Victor took me aside one day and confessed that he was in love with me. He even wrote me a poem. I swooned. It made me feel like a schoolgirl. But even though my heart was melting, I told him, “No, thanks.”

The last 10 years of family get-togethers have been a nightmare because Victor gets drunk and stares at me with big, sad eyes. I know it’s only a matter of time before someone notices, so I have stopped attending family functions. No one can figure out why, and now everyone is angry with me.

I still have feelings for Victor, and I can’t discuss this with any of my friends or family members. They would be horrified. What should I do? — Lovesick in Chicago

Dear Lovesick: It’s likely you did not hide your attraction as well as you think. After 10 years, Victor no doubt sensed the pheromones being thrown in his direction, and he responded. While it is not uncommon for married people to develop crushes, you have inadvertently encouraged Victor and prevented him from getting over you. Don’t let his sad eyes and sappy poetry sway you. You need to convince him you are not interested. As long as he believes he has a chance, he will keep at it.

Remember why you married Tom. Victor needs to see that you are completely in love with your husband so he can move on. Let him.

Dear Annie: Today I took my 3-year-old daughter to her first movie. On our way out of the theater, we heard a woman screaming at her crying child. The child couldn’t have been more than 2 years old.

In the parking lot, I saw this monstrous mother tell the girl she hated her and was going to “sell her in the morning.” At one point, the woman said, “I am going to throw you in front of the next car that comes by.” I became so angry, I yelled, “Don’t you ever speak to your child like that again!” The woman told me to mind my own business, and then she took off with her kid. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get her license plate number as I was trying to get my own child into our car.

Annie, the parking lot was full of people watching. Some were even laughing. When I told my husband what happened, he said I should have turned around and gone back into the theater, because I had my daughter with me and it could have traumatized her. Yet one of the main reasons I spoke up was to show my daughter that this kind of behavior was unacceptable.

Was I wrong to get involved? What should I do if faced with a situation like this in the future? — Disgusted in Cape Cod, Mass.

Dear Cape Cod: Bless you for taking the risk and getting involved. First of all, it’s possible this woman was a baby sitter and not the mother. Either way, she was clearly being emotionally and verbally abusive. Let’s hope it doesn’t happen again, but if it does, try a calmer approach. Say, “It’s obvious you have your hands full. Can I help?” That might allow you to offer assistance, or at least give you some time to see her license plate.

Dear Annie: I am replying to the letter from “Tired of Waiting in New Orleans.” I, too, have relatives who always show up late, so when I have an event that starts at 7 p.m., I simply tell them it starts at 6. Then they are usually right on time. — D in the Great White North

Dear D: As long as that continues to work for you, by all means, keep it up.