Portstewart, Northern Ireland ? Egads! Bill Clinton has sort of become my neighbor. The former president has bought an apartment on a luxurious golf course in the Republic of Ireland. His new two-bedroom pad cost a lot more than my modest apartment in the North, but then he’s getting $12 million to write his memoirs, and I’m still waiting for an offer on mine.

Here’s how the fun-loving headline writers at The Times of London newspaper announced the president’s Irish land grab: “Swinger Clinton shows his love of the Irish.” The accompanying picture was of Clinton swinging a golf club, lest someone get the wrong (or perhaps the right) idea.

Clinton’s home away from homes (he and Hillary have one in Chappaqua, N.Y., and in an exclusive Georgetown neighborhood in Washington) was listed at $1.4 million. The digs are part of the exclusive K Golf Club in County Kildare, west of Dublin. The K Golf Club is the site chosen for the Ryder Cup in 2006. The course was designed by Arnold Palmer, and Tiger Woods is among those who have played it.

Times writer David Lister couldn’t resist this tongue-in-cheek dig at the former president and his vacation apartment: “It is home to 200 people, but has everything Mr. Clinton could possibly need: a shop, a pub and, in case his conscience troubles him, two churches.” There is little evidence of the former president’s conscience ever bothering him, so the pub may be of greater interest than the churches.

Curiously (or maybe not) there is no mention of Sen. Hillary Clinton in the story. Neither is Clinton quoted as saying the words “we” or “our” when referring to who will occupy the place. Rather, it is to be “his” and “mine.” It makes one wonder from whom, or from what, Clinton wishes to “get away.”

The Irish love Bill Clinton. They appreciate the lip service he gave to the problems between Catholics and Protestants here, even though it didn’t bring peace between the two factions any closer. The Irish don’t understand what he did wrong (any more than Europeans understood why Richard Nixon was forced to resign over the Watergate affair), since their prime minister has lived openly with a woman to whom he is not married. With the exception of legal restrictions on abortion, the mostly Catholic South of Ireland is culturally laissez faire when it comes to personal behavior and lifestyles. In the North, which is part of the United Kingdom, the debate rages over whether homosexuals can be bishops in the Anglican Church.

The Irish are even prepared to forgive Clinton his serial Mulligans — those “extra” strokes a golfer allows himself when he gets off a tee shot he doesn’t like. According to New York Times writer Don Van Natta Jr., who has written a book about U.S. presidents and golf, “First Off the Tee,” Clinton is a serial Mulligan man. Van Natta relied on a researcher who followed Clinton around and observed the former president taking 200 strokes but counting just 82 of them. Most people who take Mulligans do so only on the first hole and not on the remaining 17.

The Sunday Independent, searching for its own double entendre, captioned a picture of Clinton on the links: “Bill plays fast and loose.”

It’s hard to top that one, but welcome to the Irish neighborhood, Mr. President. I know you’ll love the Irish as much as I do (but maybe in a different way). Perhaps you’ll run up the property values.

— Cal Thomas is a columnist for Tribune Media Services.