Modern matrimony
Gays, religious conservatives at odds on prospect of same-sex marriage
On June 9, 1999, Michael Silverman and David Greenbaum did something special.
They got married.
No, not legally. But in the eyes of the Lawrence couple, the ceremony was just as important and meaningful.
“It was purely a personal and Jewish commitment. There’s no legal recognition, because Nebraska (where they celebrated their union) doesn’t recognize same-sex marriages,” said Silverman, 30, a native of Omaha.
“But in a Jewish context it was very important, because as far as we’re concerned and as far as our friends and family are concerned, we are Jewishly married and committed to each other for life.”
Working with Rabbi Aryeh Azriel of Omaha’s Temple Israel, the couple crafted a unique ritual for the occasion, with its own name: Brit Ahava — in Hebrew, “covenant of love.”
Why did they do it?
“Any two people can privately say to themselves, ‘Hey, we’re together.’ But when you take the step publicly, you’re making a statement in front of the community and God that we’re a committed couple,” Silverman said.
One day, the two men hope, they can even have a marriage that is officially sanctioned by state and federal law.
That day might have just gotten a little closer.
In the wake of a landmark Supreme Court decision last month that decriminalized gay sexual conduct, many Americans believe the country is moving inevitably toward offering full and legal recognition of same-sex marriage.
Silverman, chairman of Freedom Coalition, a gay-rights organization in Lawrence, sees the court’s decision as the next logical step in the long march toward extending civil rights in this country.
“(Lawrence v. Texas) is the same as saying you shouldn’t discriminate against black people. To me, it seems self-evident that two people who love each other should be able to get married,” he said.
Goes against Scripture
But what some see as an increasing likelihood of same-sex marriage in the United States doesn’t sit well with social conservatives across the nation.
Nor in Lawrence, where a number of religious leaders have said they believe such a trend would fly in the face of the traditional understanding of marriage — as held by many faiths — and would weaken the institution itself.
“I think that that’s where many people in our country would like for us to go, and I think we may be headed in that direction, but that would be a grave mistake. It undermines family values and goes against (Judeo-Christian) Scripture,” said the Rev. Paul Gray, senior pastor of Heartland Community Church, 619 Vt.
“It would be a concern to me as a pastor, a Christian and a parent, and someone who wants to see good values in our society. It’s a concern to me if same-sex marriages become legalized, then that is giving an endorsement to what God calls immoral behavior. And I’m against giving an endorsement to any kind of immoral behavior.”
Pastors of other evangelical Christian congregations in Lawrence agree with Gray.
“It’s not a comfortable subject, but it’s something we need to address and face. People need to know what biblically is correct. A lot of times people say, ‘This is the trend,’ and I agree, that (same-sex marriage) seems to be where the country is heading,” said the Rev. Rick Burwick, pastor of Clinton Parkway Assembly of God, 3200 Clinton Parkway.
“I think at the same time, it doesn’t have to go that direction if we as Christians would really be Christians. We have not done a good job of representing who Christ is.”
Nonetheless, Burwick said, Scripture is clear about proscribing homosexual conduct and mandating that marriage should be limited to a man and a woman.
Pledged to each other
That’s not how Rabbi Scott White sees it.
He is the spiritual leader of the Lawrence Jewish Community Center, 917 Highland Drive, where Silverman and Greenbaum are members.
Unions of committed, faithful gays like the Lawrence Jewish couple would have his blessing.
“I’m in favor of ultimately there being equal treatment and protection for any married couple, as long as they’re of age and it’s with the proper consent,” he said.
“To me, it doesn’t make any sense why there’s any discrimination. They’re no different from anybody else, except that they have that particular (sexual) preference.”
White added that he has not yet been asked to preside at a same-sex commitment ceremony, and he would only do so if both parties were Jewish.
Greenbaum, 32, has a ready response to those who would oppose same-sex marriage in the United States.
“Then don’t get married to a person of the same sex. If you’re against it, then don’t do it. People should be allowed the choice in how to live their lives. That’s really going back to the fundamentals of how the nation was founded,” he said.
The couple has already gone to Vermont to have their partnership legally recognized as a “civil union,” which, under that state’s law, bestows the benefits of marriage to same-sex couples.
The law went into effect in July 2000. It has no legal standing outside Vermont.
“We made a pledge to each other that we would seek out any legal recognition possible, and right now that’s the best that we can do in the United States,” Silverman said.
“As soon as any U.S. state has true same-sex marriage, we will be on the next flight there.”