My 16-year-old son wants to go on a supervised, three-week outing in a nearby national forest. It scares me to think of him being out there somewhere beyond my ability to help him if he got in difficulty. Am I right to turn him down?

I’m sure you know that within a couple of years, your son will be off to college or to some other pursuit, perhaps the military, and he will be entirely beyond your reach. Why not give him a taste of that independence now, while he is still under your care? It will be better for him to ease away from your influence than to have it come to a sudden end.

There was a moment during my teen years when my mother and I had a similar debate. I was 16 years old and had been invited to work on a shrimp boat during the summer. The captain and crew were tough dudes who didn’t put up with any nonsense. It was a man’s world, and I was drawn to it.

My mother was very reluctant to grant permission because she understood that there could be dangers out there in the Gulf of Mexico for four days. She was about to say no when I said, “How long are you going to keep me as your little boy? I’m growing up, and I want to go.” With that, she relented. It turned out to be a good experience, during which I learned what it is like to work whether or not I felt like it, and I began to understand better how the adult world works. I came back grimy and tired but feeling very good about myself. My mother later acknowledged that she had done the right thing, even though she worried the entire time.

Yes, I think you should let your boy go to the wilderness, especially since it is a supervised trip. “Letting go” works best as a gradual process. It’s time to get started.

Our family lives an exhausting lifestyle — we just can’t seem to find a way to slow down. It gets depressing at times. Do you have any words of advice for us?

Let me share something that may help you and your husband make the tough choices on which a slower lifestyle could depend. Do you remember Vince Foster, who committed suicide during the early days of the Clinton administration? He was deputy counsel to the president before that tragic night of his death on July 20, 1993. Just eight weeks earlier, Foster had been asked to speak to students graduating from the University of Arkansas School of Law. This is what he told the students on that occasion:

A word about family. You have amply demonstrated that you are achievers willing to work hard, long hours and set aside your personal lives. But it reminds me of that observation that no one was ever heard to say on a deathbed, I wish I had spent more time at the office. Balance wisely your professional life and your family life. If you are fortunate to have children, your parents will warn you that your children will grow up and be gone before you know it. I can testify that it is true. God only allows us so many opportunities with our children to read a story, go fishing, play catch and say our prayers together. Try not to miss a one of them.

Vince Foster’s words now echo back to us from eternity. While you’re climbing the ladder of success, don’t forget your own family. Those years with your children at home will be gone in a heartbeat. Do whatever is necessary to grab those precious moments, whether it requires changing jobs, getting a smaller house, or turning down lucrative and exciting opportunities. Nothing is worth losing your kids. Nothing.

— Dr. Dobson is president of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO. 80903; or www.family.org.