The holiday season isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

Underneath all the celebrating, socializing and exchanging of gifts, there’s actually a lot stress and anxiety.

Proof of this can be seen in an increased need for counseling services during the holidays, according to some Lawrence mental health experts.

“The spike starts in early November as people begin anticipating the holidays, both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those are times that there is more focus on families, gathering together and honoring traditions. For many people, the family issues that you can ignore the rest of the year, you can’t ignore now,” said Judy Parker, director of Catholic Community Services of Lawrence, 320 Maine.

The source of much of the apprehension and anxiety that many people experience comes from unrealistic expectations of what the holiday season should be like, whether it’s family relations or meeting the hopes of one’s children.

“People expect to have the perfectly decorated tree, the entire house decorated, to sponsor holiday parties for all of those folks, to have lots of presents. The list just goes on and on,” said Parker, a licensed specialist clinical social worker.

“‘Tis the season to be jolly, but you don’t feel ho, ho, ho and the question is, ‘What’s wrong with me? Why am I not in the spirit?’ People expect themselves to be happy and jolly, but this is one of the most stressful times of the year.”

Though there is often an increased need for counseling support during the holidays, that doesn’t always translate into a surge of appointments for Lawrence therapists.

“Because people are really busy, the holidays are full of pressure, so they don’t have time to go to a therapist now. We’ll have a big spike in January,” said Debbie McQueeney, a psychologist on staff at Christian Psychological Services, 500 Rockledge Road.

“If you’re trying to get everything done that you expect to do for the holidays, you don’t want to add ‘go see my therapist’ to your list of things to do.”

But there are steps people can take to reduce their stress, as well as deepen their consciousness of what the holidays are supposed to be about: love, gratitude, faith.

The key is to keep expectations realistic.

“Kids get so many messages about ‘buy, buy, buy’ that it’s a good idea to have ongoing discussions about the meaning of Christmas, whether that’s in a spiritual or faith-based tradition, or more in a family-centered focus on sharing, caring and giving,” Parker said.

“Focus on the intrinsic value of the spirit of the season, the giving of ourselves as people, the giving of our love, care and concern.”

McQueeney, a cognitive therapist, said she discouraged clients from chasing illusions, especially during a time of increased expectations.

“You go back to acceptance: What is your life really about, where is the joy in your own life, does that have to be the same joy that’s (offered) in the stores?” she said.

“People can get more personally engaged with their holiday, put their energy into areas that bring them peace and contentment and spiritual meaning.”

For some, the best way to accomplish this is through religion or a sense of spirituality. It’s can be helpful for people to look to their faith and recall what Christmas is about.

“That takes us out of the materialism and the meeting of all other expectations. It just puts in perspective what it is we’re really celebrating here. We’re not celebrating who got the most gifts under the tree, or who has the biggest tree — we’re celebrating the birth of Christ,” Parker said.