Why do I have this feeling that what should be a solemn occasion of remembrance Wednesday will be turned into an orgy of exploitation?

Why do I have this feeling that, at this very moment, some advertising guru is doing last-minute prep on a spot for Wednesday airing that turns a national tragedy into a reason for buying an all new, improved and, oh, yes, terrorist-resistant, doohickey?

It makes no difference that doohickeys serve absolutely no useful purpose or that this particular one is designed to disappear in a poof of smoke exactly 13 seconds after it’s freed from its shrink-wrap packaging, leaving you with just a hint of a feeling that you might have been scammed. It’s time to buy, buy, buy because that’s the American way and it’s the patriotic thing to do.

Why do I have this feeling that every politician in the land, from the most obscure dogcatcher candidate to Dubya himself, will arise Wednesday morning, cloak themselves in Old Glory and proceed to tell you that Sept. 11 was proof positive of the reason we need to elect Candidate Y and pass Legislation Z?

Candidate Y, of course, is a borderline illiterate clod, with a criminal record that stretches from here to Guantanamo Bay. And Legislation Z? Well, it will take all your money and donate it to Enron Executives Relief Fund, while repealing nine of the 10 amendments that make up the Bill of Rights (no one would dare touch No. 2). But the candidate and the legislation are both crucial to winning the war we’re about to declare on Iraq or Iran or Canada or somebody. You have my solemn word for it.

Why do I have this feeling that my own profession, such as it is, will go wall-to-wall with a sickening overload of Sept. 11 anniversary coverage during the next few days?

Want some analysis? We’ve got it, and we’ve got it tailored to agree with whatever your particular thoughts on the subject might be.

The war on terrorism is a failure because Osama bin Laden’s long, lanky and pulseless carcass has yet to be paraded down Main Street, U.S.A. The war on terrorism is a success because we kicked Taliban butt from Kabul to Kandahar. We’re a changed nation post-Sept. 11 because blah, blah, blah. We’re remarkably the same nation post-Sept. 11 because blah, blah, blah.

Crave replays of the planes exploding into the twin towers of the World Trade Center, followed by the subsequent crumbling of both towers? Don’t worry, TV will show the horrifying footage over and over and over, until you and the victims’ survivors are seeing the crashing planes and collapsing towers in nightmares again.

Sprinkled throughout the ramblings of the expert analysts and horrific replays, we’re sure to offer you a mega-dose of invasive but oh-so-heart-rending insights into the grief of those same survivors. That’s one of our specialties, particularly now that we’re all addicted to reality TV.

Why do I have this feeling that what should be a solemn occasion of remembrance Wednesday will be turned into an orgy of exploitation?

Because that’s exactly what we as a nation did to Sept. 11 in the days, weeks and months immediately following the terrorists’ attack. Because that’s how we treat any event of national scope, happy or sad.

Why would we deny ourselves a golden opportunity to do it all again?

Why? Perhaps to preserve some small shred of human decency in our national soul.

How do I know we were changed by the events of Sept. 11?

Because I no longer take airplanes for granted. Whenever one passes overhead these days, I look up; and I keep looking, much longer than ever before, wondering if this could be the next time.

How do I know we are remarkably unchanged post-Sept. 11?

Because I read a story last week about the expanding popularity of butt implants, a phenomenon apparently inspired by the ample derriere of singer-actress Jennifer Lopez.

If young American women have nothing better to do with their lives than spend $6,000 to $8,000 artificially padding their posterior to give it the more rounded look of some pop icon’s backside, our national psyche is just as devoted to trivialities as it was pre-Sept. 11.

Larry Dale Keeling is an editorial writer at the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader. His e-mail address is lkeeling@herald-leader.com.