Once upon a time, when the Cleavers were the model American family, father knew best, and the strangest thing on television was Maynard G. Krebs, the typical Thanksgiving holiday looked a whole lot different than it does now.

Long about the time that Maynard turned himself into Gilligan, a greater number of American women were entering the work force, a trend that eventually would make the ideal Thanksgiving feast an impossibility in most American households.

This ideal Thanksgiving dinner, which was part Norman Rockwell, part Better Homes and Gardens, may never have existed for many families but it was firmly lodged in the middle-class imagination: a plump steaming turkey, fresh-baked pumpkin pies and a properly set dining room table with the family gathered around. Dad did the carving, while Mom stood by in her apron, not a hair out of place, ready to field compliments for a job well done.

Some families still manage some semblance of this cozy scenario, but their numbers are dwindling.

Now Mom and many like her have a full-time job and may have to work Wednesday and Friday of Thanksgiving week. If Mom works in retail, sheâÂÂll certainly be on the job Friday. If either Mom or Dad works in health care, law enforcement, one of the service industries or a newsroom, the work week may include Thursday as well.

When we consider that the same may be true for aunts and uncles, it means that a Thanksgiving dinner for the extended family becomes problematic, unless those relatives live close by or can use vacation time to travel.

While men now may be more willing to help in the kitchen, doing more than the manly chore of carving up the bird, preparing a Thanksgiving dinner is a monumental task for people who work. Many people have been cooking ahead in the evenings this week. The house has to be cleaned. The turkey has to be thawed in advance and put in the oven at the crack of dawn for a midday meal on Thursday. Then everything has to be cleaned up so that life can go on as usual on Friday.

A few years ago when supermarkets first began advertising the carry-out Thanksgiving dinner and the concept had enough takers to keep it going, I initially thought it was a sign of sanity, that people who had found their limit were finally willing to act on it. Then I stopped to consider that employees in the supermarkets that sell the $49.95 Thanksgiving dinner were losing their holiday so others could enjoy a convenience.

The long and the short of it is that the Thanksgiving holiday, with its timing and its expectations, brings an unhealthy pressure to bear in many families. Looming somewhere is that vision of what Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to be like and many people feel guilty that it either isnâÂÂt a reality in their household or that it feels like such a burden, given all the other demands of their lives. And this doesnâÂÂt even take into consideration the emotional stress placed on single parents who must do it all themselves or those who donâÂÂt have their children for the holidays, people who are on their own or those who donâÂÂt function within a traditional family.

As with all holidays that have become marketing opportunities, the idea of what itâÂÂs supposed to be like often reminds us that we arenâÂÂt typical. If we donâÂÂt feel warm and fuzzy about a date on the calendar, we arenâÂÂt normal somehow.

In recent years IâÂÂve wondered whether an answer doesnâÂÂt lie in a Thanksgiving Day potluck, to which everyone would bring food. There would be three rules. The first would be that no one could prepare more than one dish and the second would be that the host couldnâÂÂt wash any dishes. Two people could do the turkey in lieu of a dish and if the host didnâÂÂt want other people putting stuff away in his or her kitchen, everyone could eat on paper plates.

The third rule would, in some respects, be the toughest. The host could be related to no more than half the people at the potluck. If family members were around, they could be included, but the guest list should be extended beyond the traditional parameters.

Perhaps in this way, the work wouldnâÂÂt fall on just one or two people and Thanksgiving could again become the stress-free occasion for communion that it was meant to be.

– When sheâÂÂs not writing about foods and gardening, Gwyn Mellinger is teaching journalism at Baker University. Her phone number is (785) 594-4554.