Since my ex-husband was forced into early retirement before our divorce and his employment prospects looked bleak, I was advised to take a larger share of his 401k that was moved into my IRA. Since I was only 56 at the time, I was advised to take substantial equal withdrawals of $36,000 per year to avoid the 10 percent early withdrawal penalty until I became 59 1/2. My lawyer told me that after I became 59 1/2, I could take all I needed without penalty.

Each year, I paid income taxes on the funds I received. After I became 59 1/2, I took an extra $20,000 from my IRA. The IRS has now sent me notice that I owe penalties and interest on everything I took out. Is there anything I can do about this?

Obviously, your lawyer only told you half of the rule: When you take a series of substantially equal withdrawals, you must do so until you reach age 59 1/2 or for five years, whichever is greater. Since you began taking distributions at age 56, you were required to take these payments without modification for five years until age 61. When you made a modification in your payment schedule, you caused all of your prior withdrawals to be penalized.

This result could have been avoided had you established two IRAs at the time of divorce. You could have deposited enough money in the first one to fund the $36,000-per-year payments for five years. The second one could have been invested without invasion for substantially equal payments so that, after reaching age 59 1/2, you could have withdrawn from the second IRA without penalty.

Planning in this area is complex and, as your problem points out, should not be undertaken without expert planning which quite obviously your lawyer did not provide. Your only choice is to pay the assessment.

Given the emotional upheaval in my life, I am having a very difficult time dealing with the economics of my divorce. Although I know the financial aspects are important, I just can’t seem to bring myself to deal with them. I have tried therapy, but it didn’t help. How can I begin to face what I know is important?

There is no pat answer to your question because all people deal with these issues differently. However, faced with tough decisions, many tend to procrastinate and avoid the hard questions. Others make decisions while they are uninformed, unprepared and influenced more by emotions than common sense. They soon find that divorce is not the end of their problems but the beginning of a whole new assortment of difficulties they never anticipated.

When divorce or separation enters your life, you must become economically literate in a very short time to protect your future and that of your children. Terminating a marriage is much like the end of a business relationship. If you and your spouse can’t agree on how the future income, assets and liabilities will be divided, a third person generally a judge will make the decisions for you.

The last thing you want is to be forced into making important decisions without being informed only to find out later that you have made irreversible mistakes. People who understand the rules of the game generally come out better than those who sit back and hope for the best.