I’m at my wits’ end. My husband had a stroke almost a year ago. He’s made significant progress in getting back some skills, but he is still pretty much homebound. I am able to care for most of his physical needs, but he’s becoming increasingly demanding. I’m so tired most of the time, and the friends we used to have don’t come around much. Our two children live a long way off and can’t really help. We can’t afford to hire help, so I must keep on keeping on. But I don’t think I can take it much longer. Where can I turn for help?

Let me suggest two first sources of help. There is an Area Agency on Aging that serves the community in which you live. That is true for everyone. In Kansas, there are 11 of those agencies. Find the one that serves you and call them. The first person you will probably talk to will be someone responsible for information and assistance. This trained professional knows what services are available in your area – and after asking you a few questions, he or she will know if you qualify financially for government-subsidized programs.

Area Agencies on Aging also have other staff and connections that can be helpful. They have care managers who might be able to come to your home and assess the situation with your husband and you. They may have caregiver support groups. They will have connections to the home caregiving agencies and networks in your community.

An excellent source of basic information is the Kansas Department on Aging. In fact, getting its new guidebook, “Kansas Caregiver Guide,” is an ideal starting place. KDOA has many other booklets and brochures that might assist you. These are listed in the back of the Caregivers Guide. You can contact KDOA at (800) 432-3535. Its Web site is www.agingkansas.org/kdoa/ index.htm.

In fact, let me share a little bit from chapter four of the KDOA Guide that applies to your situation:

“Sometimes you may be so deeply concerned about the well-being of the person for whom you are caring that you forget your own needs. Don’t ‘burn the candle at both ends’ and become exhausted, emotionally stressed or ill. This could compromise your own quality of life and your ability to care for your family member.

“You owe it to yourself and to your family to maintain your own physical and emotional health by:

• Getting sufficient sleep;
• Eating a healthy diet;
• Staying physically fit;
• Having periodic health check-ups;
• Not abusing alcohol and drugs;
• Spending social time with family and friends;
• Seeking support from family, friends, professionals, religious advisers, and peer support groups, and
• Using appropriate in-home and community-based services.”

Don’t wait another day. Check out the resources available to you through your Area Agency on Aging or the Kansas Department on Aging. You might be surprised at how much help is available and affordable.