It’s time to come clean about something most people don’t know about me.

I am an overweight, insecure person who longs to work from my home, reverse balding, get a low-interest loan and restore youthful skin elasticity.

I’d also like to double my life insurance for free and reduce snoring by shrinking nasal membranes.

Actually, much of this is news even to me, but over the last year or so, I’ve been told constantly that these are my hang-ups.

I have been told this by my e-mail.

Every day, I get about 20 or more unsolicited letters on my computer. Most of them promise to solve all the above problems that I apparently have.

I’m not sure why they’ve targeted me, but if you take the e-mails to heart, they can give you a complex.

My theory is that people throughout America are a lot more insecure these days due to junk e-mail. The reason is that most such letters do not try to sell you books or blenders. Instead, e-mail marketers seem to feel the best way to make money is to target people’s anxieties.

Men especially. We may think we’re the gender in control but my e-mail indicates we are anxious and vain souls, which is of course the best demographic for those in search of customers.

What is it the world of e-mail is trying to sell?

One product seems to crop up more than others. It kind of makes me wish I’d bought stock in Pfizer. If you were to fill a Wal-Mart with things offered by e-mail, 30 percent of the shelves would be stocked with Viagra. Another 10 percent would be with herbal viagra, whatever that is.

Many males I know are also barraged by e-mails featuring related products designed to address a rather personal alleged physical deficiency that I won’t discuss in detail, except to say that getting these offers does not boost a man’s self-esteem.

Predictably, another big category is, well, explicit images. The dotcom collapse may have proved America can’t support an online grocery store, or even an online toy store, but the economics of online adult stores seem just fine. And they send a lot of e-mail. It’s kind of odd to get those side by side with e-mails from my mom, but there they are.

The tricky part is that many have disguised titles, such as “Your Thoughts,” or “Getting Back To You.” This can prove embarrassing. It never helps your career to innocently open such e-mail and be seen by your boss staring at hot celebrity pix.

I’m not sure how I got on such lists. Some would say it only happens if you visit inappropriate sites on the Internet. That could not be the case with me, as I only visit sites like HelpTheNeedy.Com and IntellectualDigest.Com.

Meanwhile, I’m now up to hundreds of e-mails a month offering me products to burn excess body fat, increase testosterone levels and get a cheaper mortgage. A surprising number come with the ultimate guarantee of credibility: “As seen on Oprah.” Others come with the less convincing declaration of, “No joke.”

The e-mail marketing world must also think I’m a cheapskate, because they keep stressing I can get things for free. I can watch cable stations for nothing with a de-scrambler. Get free cash for online casinos. A free vacation. I’ve resisted all these on the theory that in the end, the most expensive things you can buy are those that come for free up-front.

Early on, I thought I could get myself off these lists. Every day, I went through the letters until I found the line that said, “To be removed from future mailings, click here.” Diligently, I clicked there. But the e-mails seemed only to increase. I’ve therefore decided that “Remove me” is code for “add me.”

So I’m afraid junk e-mail will remain a part of my life, convincing me each day that I’m overweight, balding and .

This suddenly gives me an idea.

If any of you are insecure because of your e-mail, I’ve got a new product to restore your self-esteem. “No joke.” “As seen on Oprah.” Free up-front. E-mail me and I’ll tell you all about.