OGDEN, UTAH ? This is the site of the Olympic curling competition, which has approximately 15 security personnel for every spectator. The tight security is necessary because curling is a prime target of terrorists. “If we can stop them from curling, then we will have won,” is a phrase often heard at terrorist gatherings.

Ironically, curling is almost unknown in many parts of the United States. But if you go anywhere in Europe or Asia, you will find that it is almost unknown there, too. The only places where it is known are Bemidji, Minn. (pop. 11,884) and Canada (pop. 10,315).

But it is huge in those places, because it is one of the very few sports that combine the excitement of a heavy piece of granite sliding slowly across the ice with the excitement of chunky broom-wielding people in bowling attire sweeping furiously in the stone’s path, like janitors on speed.

To understand the point of the sweeping, it helps to know the history of curling. The sport dates back to 16th-century Scotland, where it was played on dirt, which meant the stone did not slide. It just sat there, pretty much like a stone. To get it to move, the players had to sweep the dirt in front of it until they made a rut deep enough that the stone would roll forward, traveling perhaps 6 inches. In those days, a single curling match could take months. This led to the invention of scotch.

The introduction of ice speeded the game up (although not by much). But the element of sweeping was retained, because without sweepers, you basically have a sport consisting of stones sliding slowly across the ice, and that would look silly.

There have been several attempts to boost curling’s popularity. At the 1998 Nagano Olympics, the international curling federation, seeking a more modern image, allowed the sweepers to use vacuum cleaners. This led to the tragic incident wherein a combination of slushy ice and faulty extension cords electrocuted the entire Latvian team (which still won the silver). Also there was the 1987 movie called “Bristles of Passion,” starring Robert Redford as a veteran curler who must hang up his broom when he develops a callus the size of a walnut. Unfortunately, it bombed.

Speaking of which: When I was at the curling press center, under each phone there was a piece of paper titled BOMB THREAT, which told you what to do if somebody called with a bomb threat. Among the questions you’re supposed to ask the caller are (I am not making this up): “What kind of bomb is it?” “What is your address?” “What is your name?” Also there’s a list of words you’re supposed to describe the caller’s voice, including “nasal,” “stutter” and “lisp.” You also get a choice of background sounds, including “animal noises” and “crockery.”

So we can rest assured that all possible steps have been taken to keep the curling competition secure. To the terrorists, I say: Ha ha on you. Also, to Osama bin Laden specifically, I say: What is your address?