Time for a little Christmas jeer!

THE BUNS SONG

(to “The Christmas Song”)

Nuggets roasting in an open fryer

Burgers big as buffalos

Add some fries plus a cheap plastic prize

And kids can’t fit into their clothes

Everybody knows that chocolate shakes and fish fillets

Ain’t exactly good for you

Though we’ve been warned many times, many ways

You’re McDonald’s. We’ll sue.

HARK AND GO ALREADY!

(to “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”)

“Hark!” the arms inspectors sing,

“What’s in this big metal thing?”

“Oh, ’tis nothing,” says Saddam,

“Just a present from my mom.”

“But the tag says, ‘With love, Hamas.”‘

“Trust me, Hans, it’s just pajamas.

“Or a sweater nice and thick.”

“Since when do clothes go, ‘Tick, tick, tick?”‘

“Peace on earth, get lost, salaam!

“Time for you folks to trust Saddam.”

MIDTERM FOLLIES

(to “Here We Come A-Wassailing”)

Here we come a-waffling

The Democratic song!

Is it such an awful thing

That we just nod along?

Tax and war? Not a clue.

Tell us: What Would George Bush Do?

Oh God bless us and send us an issue or two

And God send us an ’04 platform, too.

MARTHA’S PLAN

(to “Susie Snowflake”)

Here comes Martha’s stock price

Look at it tumbling down

Drop drop dropping like a holly leaf

That’s gone from green to brown.

Here comes Martha’s stock price

What will she do today?

Poke her broker with a poker

And then serve him flambe.

A VERY SNOOPY CHRISTMAS

(to “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”)

You better watch out, you better not pry

You better drape your nude statues, here’s why:

Ashcroft’s men are coming to town.

You better not curse, you better go pray

You better not buy The Nation today

Ashcroft’s men are coming to town.

They know with whom you’re sleeping

They know with whom you wake

They know if you click lick.com

So log off for goodness sake!

You better watch out

Unless you’re a spy

Or terrorist group that’s learning to fly

Ashcroft’s men are hunting you down!

— Lenore Skenazy’s e-mail address is lskenazy@edit.nydailynews.com.