American Psychological Association has released a study showing more Americans are more stressed than ever, affecting their health, relationships and work. Trying to figure out how to handle your own stress? Marcia Epstein, director of Headquarters Counseling Center, takes your questions.

Moderator

Hi folks: I’m Joel Mathis, managing editor for convergence. Marcia’s here and ready to take questions.

Marcia Epstein

Hello, I’m Marcia Epstein. I work as the Director at Headquarters Counseling Center, and between work and life, I know a lot about stress, and will gladly share pointers to help us all take better care of ourselves!

Moderator

Marcia: Today’s story said that stress levels are pretty high in American right now. Do you see any evidence of that in your practice?

Marcia Epstein

Our center is being used more in 2007 than in recent years, so work definitely shows that lots of us are feeling too stressed on a too regular basis. And working in a small non profit, having more work with our small number of volunteer and paid staff, as well as a pretty low budget, all of us feel stress to make sure we can keep high quality help available. Plus like you, we all have lives. So I am aware both personally and professionally that stress is a major factor in the lives of kids and adults.

lakotachick

What are some symptoms of stress in children? What can I do to help my children if I notice they are stressed out?

Marcia Epstein

Children includes a lot of ages, but this answer will help for all of those.

One of the things we need to pay attention to is change in behavior. When a child is doing things a lot differently, specifically doing things that were more typical at a younger age, or doing things that tend to result in other people feeling irritated or even angry with her/him, that child is showing signs of stress and needs some help with that. Feelings that last a long-time and are painful are another sign of stress, but young kids aren’t able to verbalize that. And teens are supposed to be separating from adults, and becoming independent human beings, so they aren’t necessarily going to talk openly about feelings with even caring adults in their lives. Even if you don’t see those behaviors or hear about those feelings, another thing to be aware of is that the child may still be very affected by a hard event in her/his life, in a friend or family member’s life, or even in another part of the country or world. Stress can be related to a specific loss or event, it can be cumulative with day to day living, and it can even be from the good stuff.

Ok, so when we do realize a child is feeling stressed out, there are some things we can do. Again, it looks a little different for different ages. We want our kids to know that feelings are part of being alive, and sometimes we need to find healthy ways to act when those feelings are the not-so-fun ones. We can share some of our healthy ways, and remind her/him of some of the healthy ones s/he has used in the past. We can try to get the child to tell us some about how s/he is feeling. We can try to get her/him to talk some about what s/he has experienced that is causing the stress. We need to be very accepting. We also need to be very reassuring – letting him/her know that as a caring adult in this child’s life, you will do what you can to help her/him be safe. We may want to help the child by offering some workbooks or books that will help her/him know that other children have made it through this type of stress. We may be able to help reduce the stress, by helping the child take a break from some of her/his activities. Basically we can help the child feel our love and support.

In more extreme situations, there may be a need to get some outside help, and that is certainly available whether what works for you is a mental health professional, a leader from your faith community, or someone else. Our center is available free 24/7 as one of those supports and as a way to find some of those other helpers. And in addition to our main phone number for adults and teens, we have the Phone A Friend line which can be a great support for younger kids (K-6).

Moderator

This might seem a bit silly, but: How can people know that stress is affecting them, their health or their relationships?

Marcia Epstein

I am aware of how I generally interact with the world, how I generally perform my personal and work responsibilities, what I generally enjoy,… So when I realize that – wow! I was very short with that checker at the grocery store – that may be one of those red flags for me to look at what’s going on here. So one “barometer” is what kind of person am I being. Too much stress tends to make people more emotionally sensitive, including more easily irritated. Too much stress can take the joy out of things – and diminish the quality of our important relationships such as with family, friends, and significant others. Too much stress can make it much more difficult to get restful sleep. When you notice things just aren’t going so well – your mood, your concentration, your sense of how you are doing – the cause may be stress. Stress also reduces our physical health and resistance to illnesses, so we need to watch for physical clues as well. However, we need to pay attention to physical health and not just accept that the cause of a health problem is stress. The help that is needed may be medical help, not just emotional support.

Moderator

What seem to be, in your observation, the biggest causes of stress in Lawrence?

Marcia Epstein

My guess is that the biggest day-to-day stresses for those of us in Lawrence are pretty similar to the stresses of people in most other cities across our country, but I can certainly identify some that I have seen for the many years that I have lived in Lawrence and worked in social service.

Economics – the ability to earn sufficient income to maintain safe and pleasant housing for self and significant other(s) in your household. The ability to receive the health – physical and mental health – care that each member of your household needs. The ability to have good quality care for any members of your household with special needs due to health, young age, or old age. And for the pet(s) in the household – seriously. The ability to get where you each need to with safe transportation that is available when needed. Entertainment costs need to be there too, as everybody deserves some fun. And the ability to save some money for future needs that are predictable and unpredictable. I believe the economic factors cover a wide range of stressors that impact people young and old. The kids experience how it is in their households, the older kids have the pressure of how to make things work in the long-run as they approach college, other training, or employment after K-12 (or before then for many.) The adults are dealing with it pretty directly.

Relationships with significant others and/or family – We hear so much about these at the center. Having loving relationships is a pretty basic human need, that not every one experiences at all times in life,. And feeling like one doesn’t belong, or is a burden can lead to feeling suicidal. That’s how important connections can be. Good relationships also bring some stress, mostly on the good side. But also, it is particularly stressful when one (or more) of our loved ones is struggling physically or emotionally with a crisis. It is very painful to watch a loved one struggle and not be able to reduce that pain.

Events in other parts of the country and world – Media is wonderful, but we can also feel overwhelmed with the quick and repeated access to horrors in other places. The war. The wildfires in California. Not only may this news cause general stress, but many of us know people who are directly affected.

Those are some that quickly come to my mind, from work and home.

Moderator

Final question: What are some resources in the community that people here can use to battle stress?

Marcia Epstein

When we think about how each of us can reduce the impact of stress in our own lives, it can be helpful to break that down, and start by identifying some things that you can do for yourself.

One set of basics:
Try to sleep at a regular schedule, getting the number of hours you really need to feel rested.
Try to eat basically healthy – as opposed to relying on salty or sweet snacks as a major part of your diet.
Try to be physically active at the level that matches your ability and interest – such as: walking, biking or running or swimming, exercise classes or tapes, going to the gym, playing sports outside or in local community facilities. Move your body on a regular basis 🙂
Limit your use of substances that alter your mood – caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, and others. Even though they may seem to help, in the long run they make things worse.
Communicate your thoughts or feelings – perhaps through art, journaling,or blogging; and of course with other people who help you.

Identify some things that you can do for yourself, and by yourself, when you are feeling particularly stressed. Because they don’t require someone else being available, these are important starting points.
Maybe some of the above prompts some of your ideas – such as ok, I can take a walk (even if that means that when it’s bad weather, I’ve become a “mall walker.”)
Some may be more like special treats – such as a long bath or shower with scented soap
Some may be distraction – like a not so serious novel or DVD
Try to come up with at least 5 that work for you

Next think of another 5 – this time people who you can talk (including by email) with or be with who you can count on as good supports.
It’s a great idea to let them know in advance, that you may be calling. And you can offer the same favor.

When it comes to needing other types of resources, again, we have so many in our community. For some it is your faith community, for some it is your physical health provider. For others who want to find a support group or mental health professional, feel free to contact our center – 841-2345 from Lawrence or 888-899-2345 from Baldwin. We can help you talk about what you need and who can help with that need. And we may be the ones who can help. Sometimes just being able to talk openly with someone who is willing to listen can really make a big difference. And that’s what we’re here to do 24/7 free of charge.

And when you’re feeling relatively calm after doing some of those great things for yourself, you might also think about and plan – hmm, are there some changes that it’s time to make, that will help me reduce the stress in the long-term? But please wait til you’re feeling relatively calm before making any big decisions.

Stress will always be a part of our lives, and that’s not always a bad thing. It helps us stay safe when we get those reminders that we are too stressed, and it can also guide us in a positive way: “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you know is fighting some kind of battle.” ~ Plato

Moderator

Thanks for joining us!