I have never felt so much like Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino in all my life.

Last night I headed out to the Girl Talk show. I was very apprehensive. I didn’t know what to expect from what could have turned out to be a boring laptop set.

Turns out it was a very big party. For those of you who were unaware, KU’s Student Union Activities put on the show. I worked for SUA’s live music committee every year that I was in college. I am aware of how difficult it is to put on a show like this. And I must say, they did it very well. From the light show to crowd control, mazal tov, SUA.

That being said, I hated everything else.

Like I said, this was a KU-hosted event. Because it was a KU-hosted event, alcohol was off limits, even though it was at Abe and Jake’s. Being someone who never drinks, I started to like this idea until I realized that because alcohol was off limits at the show, everyone got hammered (and high) beforehand.

One kid tried to do the “What’s that on your shirt” trick to me, and another one farted in my face. All within the first 10 minutes.

But the worst part was the women. I tried to be fair, I really did. I tried to think “oh, they’re just excited and happy to be out at a really great show, how cute.” But they changed my mind with their manners, and how they made going to the restroom darn near impossible. By that I mean in addition to leaving everything trashed, they would lock themselves in the stalls (more than one at a time), and scream AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS (not words, just straight up screaming) nonstop for several minutes. Their destruction path included a mess of pocket shots and clogged toilets.

I’m trying to remember what I was like during college, if my friends and I were this obnoxious. The simple answer is, although we were pretentious music snobs who loved a good party, we didn’t flash everyone our crotch and trash the place.

By the time Girl Talk came on, he had them all in the palm of his hand.

The lights, lasers and disco flashiness were great. I’m a sucker for that stuff. And he started the show with an immense energy off the bat, and had scores of students join him on stage to dance. Watching that was a lot of fun.

Another silver lining in the show was that Greg Enemy opened. That was some darn good rap music. I enjoyed a solid 40 minutes of real talent, and I am now a fan. You should see them the next time they play in Lawrence. Seriously.

But those darn kids. Gah! shakes fist

I tried to liken watching them to watching children play on a playground. You think “Oh look at them, how cute, look how much fun they’re having,” but you would never take part because you’re just a little too old for that now.

By the end of the night I was just fed up with the undergrads. But the SUA staff was wonderful. They were great with crowd control, and just polite and helpful with all who approached them. Those kids were very responsible, and have a good future ahead of them.

As for the rest of the kids at the show? They can just go ahead and get off my lawn.