Dear Dr. Wes and Gabe: I caught my 15-year-old daughter on Tinder recently and took away her phone. She claims this isn’t a big deal and that a lot of teens either meet or get to know each other through these apps.

Wes: In February 2000, “Ted,” a handsome twenty-something client, shocked me. Recently divorced, he signed up for Match.com and was about to do something unimaginable — actually meet a woman he’d found there. It seemed in those early dot-com days that Ted would undoubtedly be kidnapped and murdered. Online people were obviously strange and dangerous, lurking there, just waiting to prey on unsuspecting innocents.

Double Take columnists Gabe Magee and Dr. Wes Crenshaw

I asked Ted why he didn’t just meet people the normal way. “You mean at a bar?” he asked. “Look how well that turned out the first time. Do I really need another drunk for a wife?”

Ted’s online match ended up being very nice, mature and had a great job. They married and lived happily ever after. No, seriously.

That story has been replicated many times hence, dragging me kicking and screaming to the altar of online dating. For reasons that go beyond this column, I now consider it a critical tool in the arduous task of partner selection.

Online dating came surprisingly late to the teen and young adult community. Until recently, even suggesting it was met with eye-rolls, scoffs and protests of, “I’m not that desperate.” Tinder changed all that. Operating off Facebook and available 24/7 on every kid’s phone, Tinder has altered the landscape of young adult dating — for both good and ill — and it’s beginning to do so now for teens.

So the real issue you face shouldn’t be banning Tinder. That’ll work out just as great as all bans on stuff teens think is interesting. Instead, talk with your child about being a good consumer of her own sexuality. I’ve learned the two key “Tinder questions,” and I suggest you have a good talk with her about each of them: “What are you wanting to get out of Tinder?” and “How do you feel about sex (as in having it)?”

Those questions are key to her understanding of Tinder, and in your case, starting a healthier conversation with your daughter about some of the most important variables in her emerging adolescence.

Gabe: If your teen continues using Tinder, make sure she uses it in a healthy way. Talk with her about the issues Wes notes, allowing you to have both a greater knowledge of her intentions, as well as letting her know what you expect.

On question one, your daughter could be looking to get a lot of different things out of Tinder: meeting new friends, starting a relationship, having casual sex or anything in-between. Although getting to know people she’s never met seems frightening, remember that kids are at no greater threat from those they meet online than they are from someone they run into at a coffee shop or a football game.

The only way to ensure a teen’s safety is to lock her in her room and slide food under the door. Alternatively, you could raise your children to judge situations properly and make good decisions. The talk you would have with your kids about Tinder should enforce that. If you want her to not meet people online, tell her that or insist she get to know them better before meeting.

You should be talking about question two (how does your daughter feel about sex) even if your child has never heard of Tinder. Too many American families still expect their children to go out into the world having absolutely no conversations about sex and still make healthy decisions. This is unreasonable.

You should have more than one talk with your child about her and your expectations for sex, and why you think the way you do on the subject. Talking to teens as adults works a lot better than talking to them as superiors.

On the air

Join Dr. Wes and a panel of young adults to discuss online and social media dating on Up to Date with Steve Kraske at 11 a.m. Jan. 11 on KCUR FM 89.3 or KCUR.org, or catch the podcast later in the day via dr-wes.com.

— Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Gabe Magee is a Bishop Seabury Academy senior. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.