Dear Dr. Wes & Kyra: My ex-husband takes our 13-year-old son to Hooters. He’s going into eighth grade this fall and is very interested in girls. I think this is a terrible message to send to a teenage boy. A restaurant that emphasizes women’s breasts in its logo just objectifies women. I want to have your opinion on this because my ex won’t listen to me.

Kyra: Last fall, my dad and 12-year-old brother were watching a football game on TV. My dad thought they were simply enjoying a classic American father-son pastime, until my brother hinted that his main interest was checking out the cheerleaders.

As tweens become teens, it’s nearly impossible to keep them from “checking out” the people they’re attracted to. So, the most important message for them to hear at this age shouldn’t be “Don’t look!” but rather “Treat others, male or female, attractive or not, with dignity and respect.”

In my view, Hooters does not convey that message, nor do its imitators Twin Peaks and Tilted Kilt. These brands objectify women. In an already sex-saturated culture, restaurants that use big-breasted women to serve wings to gawking patrons can only distort a 13-year-old’s view of women and their value.

Dr. Wes Crenshaw and Kyra Haas

These restaurants walk a weird thin line between family-friendly and adult-only. If you morally object to your son going there, sit down with him and discuss why. Ask how he thinks the restaurant portrays women, but don’t let the conversation devolve into an argument if he says something contrary to your beliefs. Emphasize that feeling attracted to someone isn’t wrong, but also that being attracted to someone does not make you entitled to see him or her as less than a person or as little more than a sexual object.

Of course, this shouldn’t be the last time you talk about this issue. While you’re not in a position to choose where your ex takes your son to lunch on his parenting time, you can reinforce and discuss ethical ways to explore attraction and to treat other people.

Dr. Wes: It’s hard to follow Kyra this week. Her points are so well reasoned and well made. I avoid restaurants like this for all the reasons she mentions. I like pretty girls as much as the next straight male and I’m quite aware that sex sells in every form of media. It’s not my place to judge adults who enjoy getting their wings with a dose of objectification. I simply don’t support a marketing style that pretty much screams “Come Enjoy Our Breasts.” I have a daughter and a lot of clients in the age range of their young wait staff. It feels at best uncomfortable.

Nevertheless, I recently had a Hooters walk-by experience while my 11-year-old son and I were at Mall of America. Like many restaurants there, Hooters has an open-air arrangement so you can see right into the restaurant as you pass in the hallway. I was so astounded that when I got back to the hotel, I immediately searched my email for your letter. That restaurant was wall-to-wall families, some with children as young as 3 or 4 and many with teen girls.

I found it a great opportunity to talk with my son about the issues Kyra raises, just as it is for you. I explained that the whole big-eyed owl thing is a crude joke, referring not to the way my son’s favorite birds call out in the night, but to how adult men call out to each other about their fondness staring, wide-eyed, at ample bosoms; that this was the restaurant’s shtick for getting customers and it seemed to be going pretty well given the wait list. I also noted that while that choice was fine for consenting adults and the women who sling wings their way, it was not one I cared to make. Readers know I’m all about being sex positive. I just don’t think this branding teaches what kids should be learning about sexuality and gender equality.

In a market economy, each dollar we spend is an explicit vote for the product we buy and an implicit vote for how that product is made and sold. Kyra is right, you can’t prevent your son from going with his dad to a perfectly safe and legal activity. But you can calmly let him know that your vote is “no” and gently explain why.

–Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Kyra Haas is a Free State High School senior who blogs at justfreakinghaasome.wordpress.com. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.