Wes: This week Double Take welcomes Kelly Kelin as co-author for the next 12 months. Kelly is a Free State High School senior and is active in several community projects. She won the essay contest in April among an unusually tough panel of applicants. In keeping with tradition, Kelly picks our first topic.

Kelly: Over the summer I had the amazing opportunity to be a part of the Lawrence Sister City exchange program. I spent nearly six weeks living with a host family in Eutin, Germany. It was there that I was fully engaged in the German culture.

At first I was apprehensive about the trip. I wasn’t sure if I was open to the change. The idea of throwing myself into a different environment that I was oblivious about frightened me. I wasn’t ready to declare my independence and shed my security blanket. I thought the language barrier would also impose more challenges. I worried that three years of German under my belt wasn’t enough.

Finally, I gained the courage and agreed to participate. It ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. My daily observations of the German life and culture opened my eyes to a completely different world. Germany taught me some of life’s greatest lessons. During the trip, I learned more about others and myself than I could have ever imagined. I learned to grow patient. I learned not to be afraid and to try new things, and to take life one day at a time. I learned that sometimes it’s OK to be vulnerable. But most importantly, I learned the sky is the limit.

I’m not sure why as human beings we find reasons to hold ourselves back. In some cases, if we do, we could be passing up life changing opportunities. Whether the outcome ends up good or bad, once that risk is taken we will learn and grow, helping shape and define who we are as humans. I can only hope to use this new enlightenment on this year’s Double Take column.

Wes: Hard to top that, but I’ll try. On my summer vacation I did some close encounters of the teen kind. My 16-year-old goddaughter Chelsey asked to join my kids and I on a trip to the Mall of America. We hadn’t done this for a couple of years, so at first I was apprehensive about the trip. I wasn’t sure if I was open to the change. I thought the language barrier would impose challenges. I worried that 15 years of kidspeak under my belt wasn’t enough. Finally, I gained the courage, and agreed to participate. It ended up being one of the best decisions of my summer.

One evening after the younger kids went to bed, we were reminiscing about her early teens – lo those many months back. She remembered when she was 13 and we took her to The Plaza in Kansas City, Mo., over Christmas break. We rode the horse carriages, ate at the fine restaurants, sat in coffee shops. I remember that she looked really cold and kind of bored. She wistfully recalled something else. “As I looked out at those lights … I remember how beautiful it was and I just remember thinking about my future. It was so happy.”

“Wow. Could have fooled me.” I said. “I spend my life understanding what kids are saying without them having to exactly say it. But I couldn’t read you at all. You just looked … moody.”

“Yes,” she said thoughtfully. “I was quiet back then, wasn’t I?”

How often we stare at our quiet teens and wonder what’s going on in there. What wheels are turning and toward what end? Do they seethe with some unspoken anger at adults who haven’t always lived up to their expectations? Are they considering their next move, of which we might not approve? Are they desperately counting the days until they throw-off the prison of our homes, or fearful of that inevitability? Do they consider the complexity of their existence or simply wonder whether to back Lauren or Heidi next season? Do they fear, hope, dream, want, love, care …?

Above all we ask the most basic existential question of parenting a teen: “Does anything I do make any difference in any of whatever it is that he or she is doing or thinking or feeling? Am I still relevant? Do I still have meaning?” Some express this as whether their child “respects” them or not. Others think of it as being liked or admired. I see it as whether I’ve been influential in my children’s lives – whether I’m offering the things they need – values, ideals, problem-solving skills, the capacity to love and be loved.

The next day we passed the Lake Wobegone shop in the Mall. On the wall was a T-shirt with the quote from Garrison Keillor I used a few weeks back in this column. “Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.”

It’s a mantra worth committing to memory this week as we rise with our teens to the challenge of another school year – wondering to ourselves what’s going on in there.

Next week: Two teenagers share their unpleasant stories of seeking birth control.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Kelly Kelin is a senior at Free State High School. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues (limited to 200 words) to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.